I will buy you a new life
by sethsduck17
Summary: Sequel to Beautiful Disaster, you should be able to piece this together on your own though if you don't wanna read the first one . Can Jay hack it as a father or will he resemble the person that left his family all those years ago? Read and review!
1. Prologue

Prologue-

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

Jay took the girl in his arms and smiled softly down at her. "Nope," he said contently.

"Jay!"

He picked his head up and looked at the dark haired woman. "What? I'm only eighteen! Of course I'm not ready for this Spike," he said incredulously. "All I know is that this is my little girl. And that's all that matters," he said as he started to walk outside with her diaper bag.

"But-"

Snake laid a hand on her back. "He has to learn Spike. For once in his life, Jay's right. He's not ready for it…but he's willing to learn. Besides, we couldn't keep her here forever."

Spike pouted. "Why not?"

"Daddy!" a little voice called from inside.

"That's why," he said as he went to go find Jack.

"Now you're sure you have everything?" Spike asked for the tenth time in a half hour.

Jay just rolled his eyes. "I'm not moving to Mexico, Spike. It's not like you'll never see her again."

"And you have a crib at your house?"

Jay laughed and for a second Spike thought he was going to say no and she almost grabbed the baby back from him. "Yeah…Sean and I tried. So far it hasn't fallen down."

The older woman just blinked at him without saying anything and Jay sighed.

"Spike. We have everything we need. My dad bought her a crib and everything. Relax," he said as he buckled the sleeping little girl into the car seat.

"Your father?"

Jay straightened up at that. "Yeah. So far he's doing a better with his grand daughter than he did with his son so it's fine by me."

"Take care son," Snake putting an arm around him. "You know we're always here to help."

The young man jumped as he heard his former teacher call him son but then he thought about it. He had their grand daughter. If Emma was…well you know…they'd be together. Jay had actually gotten used to the Nelsons without realizing it. He had even begun to accept their fruity way of thinking about some things…like trees. Apparently they were super important. Hell as long as they don't interfere with his driving, Jay couldn't give two fucks about the trees. But he noticed he started to pretend to; just as how they pretended not to notice his smoking habit picked back up. Jay sat down in the driver seat, looked back at the sleeping little blonde baby and sighed. So much for living it up until twenty five…

* * *

"Where is she? Let me see my baby!" Ellie cried as she ran to the car and opened the back door.

"Ellie, can we get out of the car first?"

She made a face at him and opened the door to reveal the sleeping beauty. "She's gorgeous…" she sighed.

Jay rolled his eyes. "I know…now move," he said as he pushed her aside gently to retrieve his daughter that had just woken up, looking slightly confused.

"Hey there Michelle," he said softly to her as she looked up at him with the same blue eyes that he had. "Welcome home."


	2. Runins with food

Chapter 1- Run-ins with food

"Jay, come on dude! I swear I will never get these tickets again!" Spinner moaned into the phone.

"Spinner, I can't. I told you," he sighed as he walked upstairs.

"Why not? What's so important that you can't have a life for one god damn night?" he demanded.

Jay pulled the phone away from his ear and gave it look similar to 'are you serious' and shook his head. Spinner was a good guy…just a dense one. He opened the door to Michelle's room and saw her standing up, trying to grab the toys from her mobile.

"I have a daughter Spin…." Jay trailed off waiting for the duh moment to hit.

The boy grew silent. "Man I am so sorry…I totally forgot…"

The father just rolled his eyes as he hung up the phone. "Come here. You want some food?"

The little girl just grabbed the hat off her fathers head and started to chew on it. He made a face but let her keep it.

"Well it's a great thing I have a million of those. But how about something that tastes better? Because I am starving," he said to the girl in his arms. He put her on the floor as someone knocked on the door.

"Alex…"

"Hey," she said looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Uhh…what's up?"

She shook her head and toyed with her hair a little bit. "Nothing…I was in the neighborhood…"

"Don't feel bad," he said quietly.

"What?"

He just looked at her. She already came up to him at the funeral and apologized for being such a bitch to Emma when the girl didn't really do anything in particular to her. She sighed and leaned against the door.

"Are you coming in or are you comfortable right there?" he asked crossing his arms.

She shot him a look and stepped inside. "So I hear you have this baby…" she attempted to make conversation.

He smiled a little. "Yeah. She's somewhere…" he waved his hand over his shoulder.

She snorted. "Oh that's great…"

"Look I'm starving and I know she's hungry…because I'm hungry. You want some food?" he asked as he opened a cupboard.

She shrugged and hopped up on a counter. "Sure, what the hell?"

"So…" he trailed off. He was in uncharted waters now. In the past when he talked to Alex, it usually done in the form of a fight. And now here she was, on his counter, swinging her feet, completely at ease.

"Mom and Chad? Done with," she said abruptly.

He arched an eyebrow. "Really? Is this the fifth or sixth time?"

"Ninth."

He let out a low whistle. "That good huh?"

She laughed a humorless laugh. "Oh yeah, things are peachy for me at home right now."

He picked up Michelle who had crawled into the kitchen and walked over to Alex. "Michelle…this Alex. Don't make her mad," he joked.

Alex swatted at him and then looked at her. "She looks just like Greenpeace," she said softly.

"Yeah, you're telling me."

He strapped her into a used highchair that he got from the Nelsons and walked back over to the stove. He pulled out some bowls and started to put spaghetti in them.

"Uh, Jay? Where's her food?"

"Uhh…right here," he said mockingly.

She jumped down from the counter at that and walked over to him. "How old is she?" she asked.

"Six months. So?"

She slapped him upside the head and glared at him.

"Alex, what the fuck!" he yelled as he rubbed at that spot.

"You moron, she can't fucking eat that! Where's her baby food? Bottles…anything?"

He just looked at her.

"Jesus Christ, Jay," she sighed. "What have you been giving her?"

He shrugged. "Spike gave me some food when I left her house, it's gone now so I figure if I mush this up, she'll be ok."

Alex closed her eyes. "You are so not fit to be a father," she said under her breath as she walked over to Michelle and picked her up out of the chair. "Mitch, I know the food you like. Even if you're father isn't bright in the head. I will get you fed tonight," she said to the little girl. Michelle had her face screwed up like she was going to cry and as Alex shook her hair back, a smile came across her face and she grabbed for her hoop earrings.

"Oh God…Jay…"

"Oh, is she too much for now?" he asked sarcastically as he leaned against a counter watching.

"No ass face, she has my earring!" she said in pain as the baby pulled on it.

"Oh!" he ran over and pried Michelle's hand open and then took her from Alex.

"Sweet kid Hogart," she muttered.  
"So…" he asked a couple of minutes later.

"Let's get some food," she said in duh fashion as she started to walk out.

"Alex, I have food!" he said exasperated.

"I meant for your daughter…" she said giving him a look.

* * *

"For the love of God, put the pizza bagels back JT!" Manny moaned.

"I don't see what your problem is. It's totally great food. I mean you get the greatness of a pizza, which can't be defined, and then the roundness of a bagel which just makes it fun to eat," he said shrugging his shoulders.

Manny just stared at him. "Pizza's….are round! Did your mother drop you on your head at any time during your life?" she asked as she tugged on his hand.

He shot the beautiful girl a dirty look but let himself be dragged away.

"Alex!"  
"Santos," she said as she tried to pass the couple by.

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

"Well gee, this is a supermarket….and I'm hungry. You do the math."

She stared openly at the child in her arms. "What are you doing with her?" she asked softly.

Alex looked from Manny to Michelle and shrugged lightly. "I went to go see Jay and he was trying to feed her spaghetti. So apparently I'm in charge of feeding her. Got a problem with it?" she challenged Manny.

"Nope. Other than the fact that you hated her mother."  
Jay stepped in at this point. "Manny. Let it go alright? She's not planning on poisoning her food. She's not being a hanus bitch. She's being a friend that's helping me out with my daughter. It's allowed," he said firmly.

"You wanna run that hanus bitch part past me again?" Alex glared at him.

"Nope. Not really," he said pleasantly.

Alex pushed past them and continued on her walk talking to Michelle about how stupid her father could be but it was ok because she would be there to rescue her from the dumb ass. And yes, it was almost those exact words.

"Something doesn't feel right about this…" JT muttered in Manny's ear.

"For once I agree with you," she said as she stared after the pair of friends walking down the aisle, looking quite comfy with her dead best friends child.

* * *

A/N: alright kiddies, here's jay's story. i hope y'all enjoy it. D i have an idea of where this is going so hopefully i won't have that much trouble writing it. as always, leave the love! nic 


	3. Lose it all

Chapter 2- Lose it all

"What Manny?" Ellie hissed through her door.

"We need to talk," she said as she tried to push through the door.

Ellie blocked her way. "If you walk in here, so help me God I will kill you. And do not think that I won't Manny Santos!"

Manny just arched an eyebrow. "Who's the guy Nash? I want details…"

Ellie just smiled a rueful smile. "What makes you think there's a guy in here? I could be…cleaning my entire messy house," she shot back.

"Right. Well how about this then; you go back and 'clean your messy house' as long as I get details about your 'dirty laundry'," Manny laughed.

"Oh that's cute. Did you think of that all by yourself?" Ellie rolled her eyes as she shut the door on Manny.

"Who was that?" the guy asked as he walked up and put his arms around the red head.

"Who cares?" she cocked her head at the boy.

He raised his hand in answer. "Well we're out here…and not in there. So that would be me," he responded by finally pointing at himself.

"Oh keep it up and we could be out here all day," she teased as she leaned on the sofa.

The boy looked deep in thought for a minute and then smirked. "Not if I do this," he said as he picked her up and carried to the back while she shrieked in laughter.

* * *

"She's sleeping," Alex said softly as she came into the kitchen to see Jay doing the dishes from earlier.

"Thanks," he said not looking at her.

"Need some help?"

He turned and looked at her. "What are you doing Lex?"

She looked around. "What are you talking about?"

He gestured his arms wide. "This! Everything about today! Helping out with Michelle, randomly coming over and now helping me to do the dishes? Alex, when we were together we didn't get along this good. You're really trying to tell me nothing's going on?"

She sighed and pulled out a kitchen chair. "I can't go home."

He hung his head deeply and shut off the water. "Why not?" he asked without looking up.

"Chad's gone. Enter Tommy. Tommy's not like Chad, which is cool. Tommy wants us to be a family and have barbeques with the neighbors and wants us to be social. He's trying to get my mom to stop drinking. He's asking me when I'm coming home. He's…he's trying to run my life Jay! What the fuck am I supposed to do?"

Jay just laughed. "So your mom finally found a good guy and you're scared of him? Oh Lexxie that's rich!" he laughed a heartfelt laugh.

She just glared at him. "Stop making me want to hit you," she grumbled.

"So what do you want then? Go home to the great guy your mom finally fucking found! I'm missing the problem!"

"That's just it Jay, he's too perfect! Something's gotta be wrong with this guy. I mean…Mom's putting down the bottle? I'm sorry but that's just weird," she said shrugging uncomfortably.

He grabbed her hands and pulled her up and held her face in his hands. "Go home. Don't be a bitch to him. Give him a chance. Sit back and listen to what you're saying to me," he said as he let go of her. He walked over to the door and opened it for her.

"If I turn into Mary fucking Sunshine…I'm coming to kill you," she threatened him.

"Now that's not very Mary Sunshine-ish," he laughed.

"Get bent Hogart!" she sang back with the finger as she turned the corner.

Jay leaned against the door frame and looked out over the street. His father had really done well for him. Got him a great little house that he said he would pay for it monthly as long as Jay did something scholastically when Michelle was a little bit older. The street had lots of other kids on it which were now playing outside on the sidewalks as Jay looked out. He couldn't believe that someday that would be his daughter out there, playing jump rope and basketball. He still had trouble on some days accepting that this wasn't a dream and it was in fact his life. He went to turn back inside when suddenly he caught a sight of red hair with curly black hair. Ellie…and Craig. When the fuck did that happen? Jay's slight smile suddenly came off his face as she leaned over and kissed him while laughing. And why did he have this feeling that he wanted to pound Craig's face in at the moment?

* * *

"Thanks Spike!" Jay yelled as he ran out the door.

"Your father is need of a watch," Spike cooed to the little girl who just stared at her with her bright blue eyes that freakishly resembled Jay's already. "Well and an attitude adjustment at times…I do agree there."

Jay jumped into his car and peeled off down the street in hopes that his boss wouldn't fire him for being late again. No such luck.

"Hogart!" his pudgy boss yelled as his car pulled up.

"I should just reverse and go home. You know what he's going to say…why even go in there?" he muttered out loud. When he realized what he was doing, he caught his reflection in the mirror. "Shut the hell up," he snapped to his reflection.

"Do you know what time it is?"

"I'm going to go with not the right time for me to be showing up," Jay remarked as he walked in.

"Right smartass. You were supposed to be here twenty minutes ago!"

Jay just sighed and ran a hand through his hair while his hat rested on his knee. "John I was dropping off my daughter with her grandmother. Come on man, it was the first time this week!"

"Fourth time this month. And it's not even the eighteenth yet!"

Jay just sighed and looked at his boss. "So are you firing me?" he asked tiredly.

"Am I firing you? Yes I'm firing you! What the hell-"

At this point Jay just tuned him out. Great. Now not only was he unemployed but he had a daughter to worry about as well. It wasn't just him anymore.

"Jayson! Are you listening?" his boss waved his chubby hand in his face.

Jay shook his head to clear the haze and took a good look at his boss. "Never did," he said as he got up and left.

* * *

"God I hate this song!" Jay attacked the radio that night.

"Woah…easy tiger," Ellie remarked pulling him back onto the sofa.

Jay collapsed down next to her and looked at her as he pulled another swig from the beer bottle in front of him.

"What happened to you?" Ellie asked quietly.

He just shrugged. "Lost my girlfriend, can't help that one. Lost my job…could have helped that one. Why not just say fuck it all and forget it ever happened?"

"Jay…I'm fine with hanging out and shit. You know I love you…but you are so drunk right now," she sighed.

He nodded. "I know! And it feels super," he laughed.

"Well that's just great that it feel so 'super' Jay," she said making the air quotes with sarcasm, "but what about your daughter huh? What about Michelle?"

"She's with Spike," he said contently.

"No! I mean you don't have a job now. What about Michelle, what are you going to do?" she said as she took the bottle away from him.

He sighed and looked at her. "I have no idea. Look Ellie, I know all this shit already. I just wanted to forget for at least one night and for it to be ok. But apparently I can't do that either," he got up to leave but she pulled him back down.

"You can't drive home."

He just arched an eyebrow at her. "Do you really need me to tell you the amount of times I've drove drunk?"

Ellie just sighed and rolled her eyes. "Wow…you are going to be some role model for that daughter of yours huh? Sleep on the couch," she said getting up.

"Hey El?"

She turned around. "What?"

He looked at her seriously then. "Why didn't you tell me about Craig?"

Her eyes grew big. "What?"

"Craig. I know you're fucking each other, I've seen you guys together."

"Jay, don't tell anyone alright? We just want to keep it a secret. There's enough drama as it is…we just don't want to get added to the mix," she said sitting down next to him on the sofa as he sprawled out.

He mimicked zipping his lips as Ellie laughed softly and he rolled over.

"Night Jay."

"Night El. You're too good for him, you know that right?" he mumbled.

Ellie stopped and stared at him. "What?"

Jay didn't say anything.

"Jay. What did you just say?" she repeated as she shook him.

Jay Hogart, was passed out cold on her couch.


	4. Damn it all to hell

Chapter 3- Damn it all to hell

Jay cracked an eye open and looked around. Coffee table with beer bottles. Pictures on the walls. Where the hell was he? He sniffed the air and slowly sat up grabbing his head in the process.

"Oh, you're awake."

Jay turned his head to see Ellie, still in her pajamas, spatula in hand.

"What?"

She sighed. "Next time you lose your job…don't get shit faced Hogart."

He grimaced as last nights events came back to him. "We didn't…you know…."

The red head gave him a dirty look. "No we didn't. Asshole," she muttered as she turned around and stalked back into the kitchen.

"Well why else are you cooking then? You just don't strike me as the Betty Crocker type Nash," he said as he slowly made his way into the room.

"Maybe I like to cook. And besides, since when did you have to know everything about me huh?" she said as she turned towards him heatedly.

His blue eyes widened. "Woah. Nice hostility El. What the fuck?"

"You think you know everything huh? You think you know what best for me? Who's best for me? You don't know shit Jay, alright? You don't know shit!"

Jay just stood there, mouth open, staring at his friend who looked completely pissed off and…on the verge of tears?

"Ook…should I ask what the fuck happened here or no?" he asked as he sat down at the table.

"Oh, nothing. Just…remember that guy that I liked that I was dating like…last night?"

"Manning?"

"Yeah, that'd be him. Well he came over this morning. Hence the cooking. Well then he went into the living room. To see you on the couch. In your fucking boxers!" she yelled throwing a spoon at him.

He dodged it and looked at her. "….I'm…sorry?" he ventured.

She shook her head. "You think you're so fucking awesome don't you? Well you are Jay. You're so fucking awesome that the guy that I liked a whole hell of a lot…said that he was done with me. Because of you!"

Jay got up slowly and walked over to the girl who had her back to him and staring at the stove.

"El…" he said softly as he touched her shoulder.

She jerked it away from him. "Leave."

"Ellie, come on!"

"What didn't you get Jay? Leave!"

He grew silent at that and walked back into the living room to get his things. He paused at the front door and looked into the kitchen to see Ellie, someone he had never seen cry, crying silently on the counter.

He sighed and closed the door quietly behind him.

* * *

"Jay, what do you mean you don't have a job?"

He sighed and leaned his head back against the chair he was in. "I lost it."

"Dare I ask how?"

"Michelle."

"So you blame your daughter on you losing your job? Nice."

"Well I'm not used to it! I have to get her up, dressed, fed and shit!"

She gave him a look.

"Sorry. Stuff," he said rolling his eyes.

"So what are you going to do?" she asked as she crossed her arms and sat back in the chair.

He sighed and shrugged. "Find a new one as fast as I can."

"I might be able to help you there," Snake said as he came into the room.

Jay just raised an eyebrow.

"Degrassi needs a janitor."

"What? A janitor, someone who picks up all the other peoples crap? Who gets stepped on all day? Thanks but I'll pass," he snorted.

"Have a better idea?"

He glared at Spike, who met his stare.

"How about this Jay, until you get a job, we'll keep your daughter here. Where we can provide for her," she challenged him.

He inhaled deeply and his generally bright blue eyes grew stormy.

"Thought so. Take the job until you find something else. It won't kill you."

Jay closed his eyes, sighed and then blinked a couple of times rapid fire. "Fine," he said through clenched teeth.

"I'll talk to Daphne tomorrow then," Snake said as he walked back out of the room.

Jay just stared at Spike who was smiling in a 'cat that ate the canary' sort of way.

"This is only temporary!" he said.

"Oh I know. I know," she said with a grin.

* * *

"Come on Michelle…please?" Jay hung his head off her crib. It was 3 am and his little girl showed no signs of being sleepy at all. Ever since one she'd been awake and kicking…and kicking and kicking.

"I'll take an hour. That'd be good. Please baby? Daddy's has to go to work tomorrow…in a few hours," he corrected himself.

She just looked up at him and laughed while trying in vain to grab at his hair that was leaning down into the crib. He sighed and picked up his head and turned to leave.

"Fine. Then you party hardy over there…I'll party hardy in my bed. How's that sound?" he asked as he left the room.

Not five seconds later she started to whimper and he poked his head back in.

"Are you kidding me? I can't even leave the room? You were just laughing!" he said sounding on the verge of a meltdown. He walked over to his daughters crib and picked her up gently and she smiled and laughed, appearing cute but Jay wasn't fooled.

"You are such a woman you know that? Bitch and moan until you get what you want…joy," he muttered as he walked downstairs to the recliner. He sat down in it and reclined it, while putting his head back against the seat and laying Michelle on his chest with her pacifier. She eagerly took the pacifier and calmed down, snuggling into Jay's chest.

"I will never understand you. Or your gender," he mumbled as he dropped off to sleep.

* * *

"…Hello?" he said groggily into the phone.

"Jay, where are you?"

"Sleeping," he replied and went to hang up the phone.

"You were supposed to be at work a half hour ago!" Spike yelled.

His eyes flew open at that and then he remembered his daughter asleep on his chest.

"Uhh…give me a few. Michelle's sleeping so I have to wake her up…." He groaned.

"What happened?"

"She wouldn't sleep! Apparently one in the morning is code for baby party time! It took me hours to get her back to sleep."

Spike sighed. "Bring her over. Fast," she said as she hung up.

Great. Late on his first day. At Degrassi. Do his nightmares ever end?


	5. Piss and crap

Chapter 4- Piss and crap

Darcy brushed her long brown hair out of her eyes as she heard the engine pull into the parking lot. Her eyes widened when she saw the male figure get out of the car and she got up and stalked over to him.

"Didn't you get expelled?"

He looked over at her. "Didn't you become a nun?"

She made a face at him. "You know, devoting my life to Christ is nothing to be mocked," she said defiantly.

"Hey Darcy…go yap at someone that wants to listen to your pathetic ramblings. Because I sure as hell don't," he said without looking at her as he jogged up the front steps and went looking for the principal's office.

"You're late Jay," Daphne sighed.

"It was my daughter ma'am. She was up all night and I finally got her to sleep…."

Her face softened. "How is she?"

Jay sighed and smiled a little. "A handful. I didn't realize being a dad would be so hard," he admitted before he caught himself.

Daphne just smiled at him before clearing her throat. "Alright, try to not let it happen again," she said as she walked away.

"Um…what am I supposed to do?"

She turned back around and smiled. "Jay I hired you to be a janitor. What do janitors do?"

"Well where do I go to get the stuff at?" he asked in exasperation.

"Two hallways down on the left side, third door," she said, heels clicking away from him.

"Having fun yet?" Spinner's voice came from the doorway.

"I can't describe how much I'm just jumping for joy inside at the thought of picking up shit all damn day," he grumbled as he set off to find the door.

"Well why'd you take the job then?" Spinner asked as he doubled back and started to follow Jay.

"Because sitting around all day doing jack shit earns me nothing. And nothing, won't feed my daughter." He stopped in front of a door and put his hand on the handle and looked at Spinner. "Any other questions?"

"Uhh…"

"Great. Well it was lovely chatting with you. Excuse me while I go clean up piss and trash all day," he said with a sarcastic smile as he opened the door.

* * *

"Do my eyes deceive me? Is Jayson Hogart really back at Degrassi?" 

Jay turned to see Manny standing there with a grin on her face and a hand on her hip.

"Hey Manny," he sighed.

"That's it? Hi Manny?" she said, hand and smile dropping off her face.

He glanced up at her. "Am I supposed to jump and up and hug you? Because…that might ruin my rep," he finished in a whisper so as to not let anyone else that part of the sentence.

"Oh I was thinking streamers might have been a nice touch…but it's fine. I get it," she replied equally as sarcastic as she bumped his arm that was holding a broom. "But seriously, what's going on?" she said sitting down on a bench.

He sighed and leaned against a locker.

"I now clean crap up for a living. At my high school that I got expelled from while my daughters grandmother watches her every day because I can't afford childcare."

"Wait. Spike watches her every day? What about the salon?"

Jay rolled his eyes. "She's probably teaching Michelle how to dye hair by now," he laughed slightly.

Manny just smiled wanly and cleared her throat. "Um, about you and Alex…"

"There's nothing there," he said quickly.

She gave him a look. "Can I finish? Thanks," she proceeded without waiting for him. "I'm not so sure that it's a good idea that she's around Michelle. I mean you know how her and Emma got along…they weren't exactly planning to be roomies."

"Alex is a friend. She always will be. I can't hide Michelle from people…she's kind of obvious. And besides, she can't hate a baby. It's like physically impossible."

"That's not the point Jay! That was one of Emma's worse enemies and your handing her daughter off to her like…"

"Like what?" he asked standing up straight.

"Like…nothing," she said slouching down.

"Like I don't care? Is that it Manny? You think because I let Alex play with Michelle that I don't care about her or Emma? Are you fucking serious?? It is none of your business who I let play with my daughter, it's my judgment to make, not yours! You're not the one that just had a kid out of fucking no where and have your girlfriend taken away from you at the same time. You're not the one that has to come back to the one place that you don't want to be just get mocked because now you're picking up their crap. You're not the one that lost the friends you had when you stopped doing drugs are you?? I didn't think so. So don't fucking tell me who I can and can not be around and let my daughter around. I think I know a little more about the world than you do," he snapped as he walked away.

"Great talking to you…." Manny said weakly to the empty hallway as she exhaled the breath she'd been holding in.

* * *

"What no freaks with guns?" 

Jay squared his jaw as he hung up his blue janitors uniform and shut the door.

"What do you want Brooks?" he asked tiredly.

"Aw, too tired to play? How about to frame a kid?" he asked wheeling his chair closer to Jay.

Jay just looked at him and then looked up the ceiling. "Alright you got me. Me and Spinner were talking shit in the bathroom. You already knew that. So now that you and Spin are best buddies…am I the persona non grata now?"

"Big word for a criminal," Jimmy shot back.

"Is that all you have?" Jay asked as he attempted to push past him.

Jimmy held him firm in place and for the time Jay actually looked at him.

"What?"

"Don't you feel sorry at all? Don't you-"

"Mr. Brooks, Mr. Hogart."

The two boys turned to see Mr. Simpson coming down the hall at him. "Nice conversation we're all having?"

"Oh yeah. The best," Jay replied.

"Uh-huh. Somehow I doubt that," Simpson replied.

"Don't worry. I was just leaving," Jimmy said giving Jay a look.

"I look forward to doing this again sometime!" Jay called after him waggling his fingers.

"Was that necessary?" Simpson asked giving Jay a look.

Jay closed his eyes, sighed and appeared to be thinking about it. "Yes, yes it was," he finally said as he exhaled his breath and opened his eyes. "Later Mr. Simpson," he called out as he walked down the hall.

* * *

"Where's my baby girl?" Alex called out as she walked into the house. 

"It's a great thing I'm single otherwise we'd have some serious problems here," Jay laughed from the living room.

"Yeah well Emma was the last good thing to ever look at you so I figure I'm safe," she shot back.

He put a hand over his heart. "I'm wounded babe," he said looking up from his spot on the floor as he cleaned up the mess.

"What happened?"

"She didn't like her choice of food offered?" he shrugged.

She just looked at him, white substance over half of his pants and the rest on the floor and stifled a laugh.

"Oh you think it's funny?" he questioned as he sat back on his hunches.

She put on a straight face. "No. I think it's cute, endearing…and fucking hysterical," she said as she lost composure and started to laugh.

Jay started to chuckle as well and looked back down at the floor. "Great to know that I amuse you when I'm covered in Michelle's food." He paused. "But you know what? It amuses me…when you get nasty shit thrown at you," he said as he tossed a towel at her that hit her square in the chest.

"Jayson!!!" she shrieked.

"Yes Alexis?" he smirked.

"Do you have any idea how fucking disgusting that is? You threw puke at me!!" she was half way out of her shirt by the end of the sentence.

He was laughing his ass off at this point. "Puke?? It's rice cereal Alex!!! Oh my God," he sighed as he caught his breath. He lost it as soon as he caught the look on her face though.

"Oh. So we're back to throwing food again huh?" she challenged him.

"And you're back to being hit with it I see," he countered as he sat on his butt.

She nodded and looked around. "Right. Too bad you left the bowl on the table," she said grabbing it before he did.

"Alex, we're too old to be doing this shit. Come on. Once was funny-"

"And twice is so fucking worth it!" she squealed as she hit him in the face with the bowl with the left over cereal in it.

"You better be able to run Nunez," he threatened as he got up and started to chase after her.

"Wow, throwing food again guys? How old are we?" a voice at the doorway stopped them.

"Ellie," Jay said with a small smile.

"Hey. He started it…he said it was puke!" she said trying to get the food out of her hair.

Ellie made a face. "Charming. Um, Alex, can I talk to Jay?"

She shrugged and started to walk off. "Sure. I'll play with the munchkin."

"Sleeping. I will kill you by the way," Jay threw over his shoulder.

She did an about face to the kitchen. "See what food this man does have in the house…got it."

He rolled his eyes and looked back at Ellie. "Hey," he said softer this time.

"You and Alex huh?" she started, looking uncomfortable.

"We're friends. Nothing more. Besides, I lost her to girls," he grinned.

"Right, right. Well I wanted to let you know that Craig came back. So I'd appreciate it if you didn't come by or anything for a while."

"Craig's back."

"That's right."

"And you want to banish me because you think Manning can do me harm?" he asked quizzically.

"No. I want to banish you because last time you were around me when he was, you ruined everything. Jay, I really like him. A lot. And you're not going to bring me down," she said turning to leave.

"Alright…well call me when you find my friend Ellie. She's redhead, kinda like you, cute, sweet, nice and wouldn't ditch her friends for some asshole emo dick," Jay spat as he shut the door in her face.

* * *

A/N: so i'm sorry that it took me so long to update but between school and moving soon...kinda tied up. sorry. and i do need some help though...b/c i want this story to go through michelle's life. like the age she is now and growing up...but i have no idea how to bridge the gap between ages and make her grow up. help?? please??? i'll leave presents in your stockings...wiggles eyebrows 


	6. Fighting words

Chapter 5- Fighting words

"Jay, what are you doing for dinner?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Spike…I'm sorry…I just have to say no. You were almost my mother in law," he joked.

She made a face. "Yes, you are my type to a T. I mean would you like to stay for dinner with us tonight? We never get to see you except for when you drop off Michelle."

"No tofu," muttered as he stepped through the doorway.

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, no tofu. Pizza?"

He nodded. "Wow, you guys have changed," he joked as he sat down on the sofa next to Michelle who was knowing on a toy key ring.

"Is it pizza night? I could seriously go for a grease fest," Manny's voice came from the kitchen.

"Santos?"

She stuck her head out of the doorway. "Jay. What are you doing here? I mean…hey," she caught herself.

"Nice to see you too. You still live here?" he crossed his arms.

"Well just because of what happened to Emma doesn't mean we're going to make Manny leave. She's practically like our daughter anyway. And yes, the 'grease fest' will be going on tonight," Archie said using air quotes.

"Well this has been a lovely chat with you Jay, but I have other things to do. Like read the Bible," she started downstairs.

"What happened with you two? Weren't you guys getting along?"

Jay shrugged as Michelle reached for his hat as usual. "She has a problem with my friends. I told her oh well."

"Are you getting back into-"

"NO! She's pissed because Alex comes over a lot and plays with Mitch."

"Alex?" Snake raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. Alex. Do I have to run my friends by you as well?" he challenged.

Snake rolled his eyes as he got off the sofa. "Of course not. So…are you two back on as they say it?"

"Last time I checked, Alex liked boobs. So no, we're not 'back on'," he mocked.

"Jay, I forgot to tell you!! Michelle took her first steps today!" Spike came in from the kitchen, having just ordered their food.

Jays eyes fell. "She did?"

Spike laughed. "Yeah, she was going after a bag of Cheetos on the counter. Two steps before she fell on her butt. It was cute."

"Yeah…I bet it was," he said softly.

Spike looked up at Jay at that point. "You know…you didn't have to miss it," she said softly.

He laughed bitterly. "If I was here, I wouldn't have a job. So yeah…I actually kind of had to."

Spike smiled a sad smile but said nothing. He had a point and she knew it. She just wished that it didn't cost him watching his daughter grow up.

* * *

Ellie's head perked up as the red car came around the corner and stopped.

"Wow. I get a present," he said sarcastically.

"Yeah. In the form of babysitting. Now go, run away, be free!! But hand over your kid," she smiled.

He looked at the ground. "Don't you have an emo boy to hold while he cries?"

She sighed. "Jay, I'm sorry alright? I was out of line. Hey, I mean bros before hoes right?" she attempted a smile.

He pressed his lips together and looked at her. "Did you seriously just say that?"

"What?"

He shook his head while looking amused. "Look El, I appreciate what you're trying to do…I think, but not tonight."

She got up as he approached the house. "Everything ok?"

He shrugged as Michelle grabbed at the air behind his shoulder and giggled. "She took her first steps today…"

"What!? Oh my God that's awesome Jay!!"

"Yeah, it would be. I wasn't there." He looked away after saying these words.

Her smile slowly dropped her face. "Oh. Well I'm sure you had to work or something…"

"That's not the point El. She's my daughter and I missed her taking her first steps. What's next? Her first words? Her first day of school?"

"Jay, come on. Aren't you being a little too hard on yourself here? I'm sure everything will work just fine!" she said as he pushed past her.

He just shook his head. "No. It won't be. I told you Ellie, I'm not going to be like him. My girl deserves a good father; and that's what I'm going to be. They both deserve it. I thought we already went over this."

"Jay-"

"It's alright Ellie. Go back to Manning; he's probably about to kill himself anyway."

"He is not like that!!"

But Jay didn't hear her. He just closed the door, leaving his friend out there on the door step.

* * *

"What about a daycare?"

Jay shook his head. "Degrassi doesn't pay enough," he sighed as he took a bite of his pizza and a swig of his beer.

"No! I mean at the school!"

Jay just looked at his friend. "Do you know anyone else that has a kid that goes there Spin?"

"Oh. Well no but-"

"I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't open one just for me. If they did though…"

"Don't get that fucking grin on your face. That is never a good thing," Alex said as she pointed a piece of food at him.

"I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Riiight. So the last time you got that evil grin, you got expelled. What else you got?" she crossed her arms.

"Well I won't be dumping paint on anyone this time," he said in duh fashion.

"Are you sure? I'm sure Hatzilakos would just love to be covered."

He rolled his eyes. "Anyways!"

The group of friends fell quiet for a minute as they chewed their food. It was the first time in a while that the three of them had seen each other all together like this. Spinner had never been to his house, much less see Michelle except for twice but she was sleeping, thank God.

"Mama!"

Jay whipped his around to the baby monitor and stared at it.

"Oh my God…"

He raised a hand for them to be quiet and turned it up in case she said it again.

"Mama!!"

Alex's brown eyes grew huge as Jay ran upstairs to get her.

"Hey baby…" he said quietly as he pushed open the door to her room.

She was standing up in her crib, one side of her face red with creases from the mattress and was bouncing up and down.

"Mama!"

He smiled softly as he crossed over to get her and picked her up. She looked at him confused for a second as if realizing who it was and then smiled and clapped her hands.

"Party time eh?" he rolled his eyes. Never the less he started to take her downstairs when she said those words again.

Jay just sighed. He had no idea how he was going to deal with this one. She was too young to understand that Emma wasn't here anymore, but he didn't want anyone else to pretend to be her mother.

"Mama!!" she cried happily as she outstretched her arms.

Jay froze and stared at the person she was reaching for. Alex was in the middle of the room with a new beer and stopped mid step as she heard those words. Jay slowly put her down and watched her crawl hurriedly to Alex and pull herself up on her pant leg.

"Jay I…I don't know…" she was at a loss for words now. What exactly do you say when your friends daughter starts calling you mom, even though her mom…is dead?

"Holy shit man," Spinner said quietly, still chewing his food.

Jay's eyes grew stormy and he stayed quiet just watching Alex and his daughter.

"Jay, I swear to God-" she started but he interrupted her.

"Yeah. I know," he said in a strained voice.

She put the beer on the table and reached down to pry Michelle's hands off her pants. "I think I should go…" she said with a waver in her voice.

Jay still saying nothing, watched her leave with tears in her eyes.

"You ok man?" Spinner asked after a minute.

Jay just closed his eyes and inhaled as Michelle slowly crawled to the door that Alex left out of.

"Mama?"

He went and picked her up and carried her back upstairs, without saying a word to Spinner, and when he got to her room he just held her and cried.

* * *

a/n: so from here out, i'm gonna kind of start skipping years. like the next chapter is going to be her first day of school. if that makes any sense. if anyone has any other ideas, feel free to let me know!!!! 3-nikki


	7. Dora the Explorer

Chapter 6- Dora the Explorer

Jay cracked an eye open when he felt the odd sensation that someone was watching him and sure enough there was a head full of blonde hair right next to him.

"What are you doing?" he asked sleepily.

"Auntie Wexxy is hewe," she said as she stuck her thumb in her mouth.

He sat up and rubbed one eye as he swatted her hand with the other. "Don't suck on your thumb."

She looked at him for a second and then regretfully took it out with a pout as she ran out of the room, undoubtedly to tell Alex what a mean daddy he was. He grabbed yesterday's jeans that he threw on a chair last year and stumbled down stairs to see Alex fixing Michelle a cup of juice.

"What are you doing here so early?" he yawned.

She rolled her eyes. "It's nine o'clock Jay."

"I stand my question," he said as he went for the coffee pot.

Over the past two years, he and Alex remained close which was actually a saving grace because she was there for Michelle when Jay wasn't able to be. Granted it took a while for them both to get over Michelle calling her mom, but in her absence Jay realized just how much he liked having her around. He had gotten used to her playing with Michelle, making fun of his food selection, watching television…just being there. When they started talking again, the first Jay did was give her a key to the house in case something happened and she needed to go somewhere or Michelle needed someone. Sure, a lot of people thought they were back together. However, the reality of their friendship was that when Michelle was being babysat on a Friday night, they two would go out to a bar and casually try to pick up girls for the other one. Alex was more like a sister to him than his real one ever was. And speaking of Rachel, she hadn't bothered to find him, to see her niece or anything. It bothered Jay a lot sometimes, but in the last two years he had learned how to just push past it and move on with life. In a way he had his own little dysfunctional family now. Spike and Snake continued to check on him and Michelle on a regular basis, even though he no longer had them watch her during the day. Manny came around every so often and on more than occasion Jay had to go threaten a boyfriend or two because they were giving her crap. Ellie was the only one that was kind of vague in his life. She was so wrapped up with Craig earlier in Michelle's life that she missed the fun things like watching her learn how to walk and talk. When Ellie did make an appearance it just honestly felt a little bit awkward with the both of them trying to make small talk with each other. Finally she just stopped all together and only came around to wish them happy holidays or birthdays or what not. She had faded in oblivion and that bothered him more than Rachel pretending that he fell off the planet.

"So her birthday's soon," Alex spoke up, shaking Jay out of his thoughts.

He sighed. "Yeah I know. I'm hoping it's not like last year…"

"Well you were the stupid one that said let's get a chocolate cake. You know how the family is…we don't believe in eating it. We believe in throwing it," she laughed.

Sure enough though, she was right. They were polite during the first piece as Michelle proceeded to cover herself in the bakery concoction. However, as soon as she threw a piece at Jay and laughed in her little 'I'm-cute-and-you-can't-be-mad-at-me' way, it was just an all out brawl. Spinner, Alex, Manny and Spike started digging their hands into the food and covering each other with it. Snake stayed far away from it all and took a picture of them all covered, holding an even messier Michelle and grinning and Alex had it framed and it now hung on the wall in the kitchen.

"So we'll just do no cake then," he shrugged.

"You're really going to do a birthday with no cake? You cold man," she shook her head.

"Well what are your suggestions then oh wise one?" he shot back at her.

Alex brushed the hair out of her face as Jay looked in the other room to see Michelle staring transfixed on the television as Dora the Explorer chattered with a talking monkey.

"I got it."

He looked at her as he took a sip from his coffee.

"Dora."

"What?"

"Dora the Explorer!"

He looked around thoroughly confused as to what Alex was talking about. "She's watching it right now…."

"No!! Have a Dora party!!"

Jay raised his eyebrows and tried not to laugh. "Ok, sweetheart. I don't know if you've noticed but she doesn't know any kids yet. And I'm not sure Spinner would agree to a Dora the Explorer party."

She glared at him. "Where does she go during the day?"

"Daycare," he shrugged.

Alex stared at him. "Oh…ohhhhh," he finally caught on. "You're telling me to talk to some people from the daycare?"

"So you're not as stupid as you look…that's always helpful," she nodded.

He glared at her. "Fine. And you can help supervise and clean the kids up when it's time to send them home."

She crossed her arms and met his glare. "Fine by me jackass."

* * *

"Hey Mr. Hogart," the teen aged girl smiled at him.

Jay sighed and smiled back. The daycare that Michelle went to was a good one…but all the girls there…had the tendency to think that since he was a young father that they could hit on him and maybe get lucky one day.

"Hey Jen. Listen, I have a question. Who does Michelle hang out with here really?"

She cocked her head, brown hair falling in one eye. "Well let's see there's Billy Hume, Trisha Cockwell, Lisa Staffard, Charlie Underwood and Emma Blanchard."

Jay's eyes went wide at the last name. "I'm sorry…what was that last one again?"

"Emily Blanchard…are you alright?" she asked as she took in the look on his face.

He shook his head slightly. "Sorry, I thought you said different name."

"Isn't Michelle's birthday coming up soon?" she smiled again at him.

Jay nodded. "Yeah, me and Alex are going to throw her a Dora the Explorer party. That was not my choice by the way," he laughed as he signed Michelle out.

"Dora huh? Well that sounds like fun. You'll have to let me know how that goes."

He just stopped and stared at her as she stared back at him and smirked.

"Jen, how old are you?" he asked leaning on the counter.

She grinned. "Seventeen."

"You're too young for me," he said bluntly in an attempt to her to stop drooling all over him.

"Age isn't anything but a number," she shot back.

"Well when I was your age, my girlfriend was pregnant. So again, you're too young for me."

The smile started to drop off her face a little. "I can prove you wrong."

He just sighed and shook his head. "Yeah, you do that then," he rolled his eyes as he went into Michelle's room.

"Daddy!!" she yelled as she ran into his legs and wrapped her little arms around him.

He grinned and squatted down to her height. "Hey pumpkin. How was your day?" he asked as he plopped his hat on her head. He had learned a while ago that his hat was the first thing she went for when she saw him. After a little bit he just gave in and started giving it to her before she went for it on her own.

"Fun," she grinned. "Can we see Auntie 'night?" she asked as Jay picked her up in one arm.

"I don't know Mitch. She might be busy. Besides, we see her all the time," he said starting to walk out, pointedly avoiding Jen's gaze.

Michelle started to pout and Jay just sighed. "So you have a birthday coming up huh?" he switched to a topic he knew would set her off and sure enough, he was right.

"Yeah! I'm gonna be a big girl," she said importantly.

"Oh yeah? How big?"

She held up five fingers and Jay laughed. "Oh you think so?"

She nodded and put her thumb in her mouth. He went to swat her away but she took it out before he could get to her. She made a face and he smiled.

"I'm mean huh?"

She nodded and he laughed as he strapped her into the car.

* * *

"Why am I here?" he asked as he stood cocking his head to the side to stare at the different colored balloons and streamers.

"Umm…let me check…oh that's right. You're kid, not ours," Manny said as she walked by and bumped him with her hip.

He glared at her as she held out her arms that were filled with Dora the Explorer party plates, napkins and party toys.

"Seriously, it's not going to be that hard Jay. Just stop bitching about it. It's next week, you know who's coming and you know that we'll be there too. So shut up about it already," Alex sighed as she popped her gum.

The trio made their way to the cash register where Jay dumped everything on the counter and nearly choked when he realized it would cost him almost fifty dollars for everything.

"Are you shitting me?"

The girl behind the register just looked at him with a bored expression as though she had these kind of customers all the time.

"What happened to the whole thing where you could do a party for like twenty bucks?" he muttered as he grabbed all the bags and one piñata.

"That whole idea went out with our parents," Manny replied as she dropped all the things in the trunk.

"Alright, what do we have left to do?" he sighed as he got in the car.

The two girls shrugged. "Plan some games? But probably not since she's only turning two. Just give them candy," Alex nodded her head.

"You wanna deal with Mitch after you feed her all that damn sugar?" he snapped.

Manny shuddered as she leaned forward in her seat. "Hi. Can we not say that phrase please? It sounded like you were my mother for a second there. And I mean I love you Jay…but there's a whole new level that I just don't want to go near with you."

He swatted behind his head at her but she ducked and smirked.

"Alex is right. Just sit back and relax. Get a cake and some ice cream, juice and chill out."

"That's all?"

"If you ask that damn question one more time I will hit you Jayson. You sound like a girl getting ready for a date."

He sighed and remained quiet as he turned up the radio which he knew Manny and Alex would start fighting over.

* * *

"Daddy!!!" the little girl bounced up and down on her father's bed rousing the slumbering man.

"Michelle?"

"It's my birfday today!!!" she yelled.

He yawned and rolled over and looked at the clock. "Sweetie it's still early. You're party isn't for a while."

She pouted. "Why not?"

"Because it's seven o'clock in the morning," he replied. Knowing she wouldn't understand that part he sat up and grabbed the little girl and pulled her closer to him, causing her to fall flat on her but and making her laugh. "Sweetie, everyone else is still sleeping."

"But why?"

He looked at her. She had him there…he was stumped. How do you explain to a two year old that people need sleep when she's up at six in the morning looking for a good time?

"You know what? I know what we can do," he said looking over at the girl, whose features lit up.

"What?" she clapped her hands in excitement.

"Do you want to go see your mom?"

Confusion reigned on the little girls face. "Mommy?" she asked cocking her head to the side, letting the wisps of blond hair fall into her electric blue eyes.

He pressed his lips together. He knew he would have to do this someday.

"Yes."

"Where is she?"

He closed his eyes. This was going to be harder than he ever thought. Never the less, he picked up the little girl and brought to her room to have her pick out her clothes. She pulled out a pair of pink shorts and an orange sweatshirt and tried to put them on by herself before Jay saw her. He laughed out loud.

"No sweetheart. Let me help you ok?" he helped take the clothes off her and found a jean skirt with a pink t-shirt.

"I'm a big girl! I can dress myself!" she yelled at him.

He turned around with a surprised expression on his face. His two-year-old daughter was yelling at him. Somehow, he thought that he wouldn't have to deal with this for a number of years. But apparently she started early. She would.

"I know Michelle. I'm just helping…"

"No!!" she ran down the hallway.

Jay just stood there and looked around the room wondering what had just happened. Ten minutes later he finally found her in the living room, behind the loveseat.

"Mitch, can you talk to me here?"

She shook her head and crossed her arms.

Jay just raked a hand through his hair. Apparently he did something, what else was new. But this time…he really had no idea what it was!

"Did I make you mad?" he finally ventured.

She nodded, hair flying.

"How?"

She pouted and he sighed.

"You laughed at me," she finally spat out.

He looked away as he realized that he hurt his daughters pride.

"I'm sorry Michelle. I didn't know that would make you mad," he said trying to be nice.

She glared at him through her eyes that she got from him and for some reason his heart started to melt.

"Come on. Let's get some pancakes," he said starting to get up.

"Daddy?"

He turned around to see her giggling.

"You need to get dressed!"

He looked down and realized that he was still just in sweatpants and smirked.

"Oh are you happy? Now you got to laugh at me."

She smiled and nodded.

A hour later Jay stopped the car and went to take Michelle out of her car seat.

"Daddy where are we?"

Jay swallowed.

"You're going to meet your mommy."

She looked around confused. "I don't see any people though…"

"Come here baby girl," he picked her up and she hugged his neck as he slowly walked to Emma's grave. Michelle looked at Jay and then looked around to see if a woman was going to come out of thin air.

He set her down and crouched down next to her. He took a deep breath and took the dive.

"Michelle, this is your mom."

"Where is she?"

Jay looked down. "She's in heaven now sweetheart."

"What's that?" she asked as she sat down.

Jay froze, unsure of what to say. "Heaven is where…"

"Heaven is where your mommy went when she died, baby girl. It's up in the sky."

Jay stood up to see JT coming up behind him. Jay nodded at him in welcome and thanks for explaining.

JT nodded back without saying anything. He had a bouquet of flowers in his hand and he put them gently on the ground before he turned back to the little girl.

"Why is she there?"

Now the two men looked at each other. How do you explain to a toddler that her mother's body gave out during childbirth?

"Because Jesus said it was her time to go," JT finally said.

"Well then Jesus must be a mean man," Michelle crossed her arms.

Jay gave the boy a dirty look but JT just shrugged.

"Oh if you think you can do better than me…go right on ahead," he whispered.

Jay sighed and sat down next to Emma's grave and pulled their daughter in his lap.

"You're mother is in heaven Mitch. Jesus isn't a mean man though; don't listen to JT. Everyone has to go to heaven someday. And it was your mom's time. She watches you though, you know that?"

"She does?" Michelle's eyes grew huge.

Jay nodded. "She makes sure that you're safe. And being good."

"Will I ever get to see her?"

"Not right now, no," JT piped up.

Michelle made a face and looked at the headstone.

"What's her name?"

"Emma."

The little girl grew excited. "But that's my name!!"

The two men smiled. "I know. I named you after her," Jay said softly.

"How come I'm Michelle then?"

"Who wants pancakes?" JT suddenly spoke up.

The little girl flew to the boys side, her name suddenly forgotten. Jay threw him a grateful look but JT just waved it off as if to say not to worry about it. He started to walk away with her to give Jay some time alone with Emma.

Jay watched them go with a smile on his face before he squatted down next to the grave. He slowly traced the letters of her name before he spoke.

"Hey Em. So it's another year now. Another year without you…and another year with that crazy child we have. I wish you could see her. She looks just like you, you know. You would love her," he sighed. "I miss you Emma…I really do…." He trailed off. He never said much here. When she first passed away, he would spend hours just sitting here at the gravesite, not talking much. Every once in a while he'd cry but for the most part he'd just be. But now that he had Michelle, it was harder for him to come see Emma and spend time alone. He missed her more than anyone ever knew. And he knew that if she was alive today, that he'd have her with him. As much as he didn't want to admit it…he had completely fallen in love with her. And he was still in love with her today, and everyone knew it.

* * *

"Juice boxes!!" Alex called out as she let herself in.

"Wexxy!!"

"Hey pumpkin!! Happy birthday!!" she put down the bags and wrapped the girl in a huge hug as Michelle squealed in delight.

"Juice boxes?"

"For young and old," she said pointing to the plastic bag that had alcohol in it.

"Have I told you lately how pretty you are?" Jay asked as he came into the room.

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "You only love me for the alcohol Jay. Don't lie."

"Oh I wasn't going to," he agreed as he hugged her.

The door opened and as a blonde came through, Jay swung around to stare at Alex. Paige? Did she really bring her ex here?

Seeing his expression Alex just kind of shrugged and grinned. "We decided to give it another shot…"

He arched an eyebrow but didn't say anything. Alex knew it all by the smirk on his face anyway.

"So…where's the party?" Paige brushed the hair out of her face.

Jay cocked his head. "Well if you're all for hanging out with a bunch of two year olds and getting hyped up on sugar…follow the screeches. If not…stay until the munchkin goes to bed."

"Wait. You left all those kids alone?" Alex gave him a look as though he were insane.

"Yes. I am the king of bad fathering," he said giving the girl a dirty look.

The walked through the door, Alex keeping a hold of Michelle who was anxiously dragging her along, and opened the door to the back yard to reveal about ten toddlers running around screaming with a group of parents sitting around and eating burgers and cake.

"And I've even been playing nice with all the other old people," he muttered in Alex's ear.

"Well then you get a gold star. But it's not over yet…" she said giving him a shove.

"So Jay, how old are you?" a Emily's father asked.

Jay took a deep breath. "I'm twenty," he said nodding.

All the parents stopped and kind of looked at each other for a second before continuing on with their conversation.

"Well where's Michelle's mother?" a younger looking girl spoke up.

"I heard that she left him when she found out he was cheating on her…" a mother hissed to her friend sitting next to him.

Jay's eyes narrowed and he cleared his throat. "Actually…she passed away during Michelle's birth."

The woman that was slandering before turned an attractive shade of red before excusing herself for more soda.

After that the other parents seemed to leave him alone for the most part; partly having to do with his age and partly for assuming other naïve things about Emma he presumed. Which was fine with him. The party had been going on for three hours and the cake had been out for a hour and half. He figured the kids would start to come down soon. The cake had been fun. Yeah…that was a word for it. Half the children complained that it was Dora the Explorer and didn't want to eat it and the other half didn't want chocolate cake. Then there were the select few that just dug right in. Literally. It took twenty minutes before all the kids were back together again and he explained that Dora was a cake and it all goes to the same place anyway. By the time Alex came, he wanted nothing else besides a stiff drink. A big one. Between someone taking someone else's spoons and then running away with Michelle's birthday presents…it was just a big ball of fun.

"So that was pretty bitchy of that lady huh?"

Jay shook his head to clear his thoughts and saw the younger looking girl from before standing next to him.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I've heard worse before."

"I'm Lacey," she stuck her hand out.

"Jay," he said taking it and eyeing her suspiciously. "How old are you if you don't mind me asking."

She laughed. "I'm nineteen. My parents dragged me here to make me more sociable."

He smirked a little bit and relaxed with her.

"So I see there's other people here our age…" she trailed off.

Jay followed her gaze to see Alex being decorated with markers by Michelle and her two friends as Paige took pictures and laughed.

"Oh my God…" he muttered and laughed as he started over.

"Alex!"

"Jayson Hogart I can and will hurt you if you dare speak of this outside of your house!" she threatened him.

He looked over at Paige and she grinned. "If you're nice I'll give you some pictures to put up around town."

"I need better friends…" Alex muttered as Michelle decided to do her hair.

"Alright Mitch, leave Lexxy alone," Jay coaxed his daughter away from the girl. Michelle tried to fight it at first but when she saw someone playing with her present…it was on. She took off after the kid and Jay helped Alex up.

"Who're you?" she asked spotting Lacey behind Jay.

She smiled at her. "I'm Lacey. My mother decided I needed to make more friends in life…and nothing says friends like a little kids birthday. No offense," she threw in Jay's direction.

"Do we like her?" Alex asked pointedly in front of her.

Jay just laughed. "At the moment…yes."

"Well then you are in luck little girl. You can help me with the goody bags," she said taking Lacey by the hand and dragging her into the house.

"So…seems like a good party," Paige commented as she walked up beside Jay.

"So far. So Paige…if you decide to-"

"Relax Jay. You're protection is cute…but you don't have to worry."

He slid a glance her way. "I better not. I know girls scarier than you."

She mocked horror and hit him on the shoulder.

"So where's Ellie?"

He shrugged, having not thought of the girl all day. "Haven't seen her since last years party."

"Really? I thought you two were in cahoots with each other."

"Did you really just say that? God I feel like I'm talking to my mother now…"

"Huh. Now I remember why we never hung out…"

Jay just nodded. "I'm too pretty for you. I know."

She stared at him and laughed as Alex came back out with Manny in tow.

"God I miss all the fun parts!" she whined as she motioned to Alex and gave Jay a hug.

The kids started to leave at this point, all very tired. The parents dutifully took their goody bags for the kids and thanked Jay for the good party and left. Lacey however, chose to stay behind, much to her parents delight.

"Where is she?"

"Cake," Jay said pointing.

Manny went and grabbed the little girl away from the sugar and had her show her all the presents she got.

"See, told you. Easy time right?"

"She's not having a sixteenth. I told you that right?"

"Well then she's lucky she has me and Alex around."

"Oh if she draws on me again with markers…we'll have to question that!" Alex scrubbed at her arms with a cloth until Paige took it from her and made her sit down.

Manny came back around and took one look at Jay and laughed. "You need a drink."

He grinned. "That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me Manny!"

"Actually the nicest thing I ever said to you was that you could date Emma."

The group grew quiet and Jay went and took out the case of beers and passed them out to everyone.

"To Em," he said quietly as he held up his drink.  
They all held up their drinks as well and then took a gulp.

* * *

"So how come I've never seen you around here?" Lacey cocked her head.

After five beers Jay was finally feeling himself again and he shrugged. "I have my hands full with Mitch and work."

"Oh what do you do?"

"Construction."

She cocked her head. "Yeah…I could see that," she smiled.

Everyone else was outside, sadly playing with Michelle's new toys in their drunken state.

"So…" he looked at her.

"So."

He looked around and then back at her, wondering why she had stayed back here. She stepped towards him suddenly and quickly kissed him, catching him by surprise.

"Lacey…"

"It's ok. We can go slow," she smiled at him.

"No it's not that…"

"He doesn't want to date you," a smug voice that was laced with anger said from behind him. He turned around expecting to see Alex but instead was surprised to see Paige standing there with her arms crossed.

"And how would you know?" Lacey fired back.

Paige cocked her head at the girl. "Jay. Do you want to date her?"

Jay closed his eyes and sighed. He opened them again to look at Lacey. "Lacey, you seem like a cool chick. But I can't date you. I don't date anyone."

"Well why not?"

"I have a kid Lacey. A daughter…"

"Yeah I know. She's a cute kid."

"Here, I'll sum it up for you. He's not interested. He's in love with Emma."

Jay glared at Paige but behind his piercing blue orbs there wasn't a trace of the coldness that used to be there.

"Is that it?" Lacey asked slowly.

Jay turned back to her slowly. "I just can't."

"She's not even alive anymore!" Paige came flying down the stairs at that point and got in her face.

"Say it again. I will have you know that not only was I was the head cheerleader but no one fucked with me in school for a reason. And you're about to find out why."

"Whatever," Lacey huffed. "You're psychotic," she muttered as she brushed past her.

"And you're a skanky whore. Glad we got that out of the way. Door's to the left."

"Wow. Paige Michaelchuck going to bat for me? Do my eyes deceive me?" he lightly joked as he came up to stand beside her.

She shot the man a look. "Alex's family is my family," she said with a small smile.

Jay smirked at the girl who didn't look back at him.

"Well welcome to the family princess," he said as he put an arm around her shoulders.

* * *

a/n: so i know that this is a uber long chapter...but i've decided to skip a couple of years. next up will be kindergarten. thank you to those that have stayed with me so far...keep reviewing!!!!! 3-nikki 


	8. Just like your father

Chapter 7- "Just like your father"

"Michelle, eat your breakfast," Jay said as he walked by her to the coffee pot.

The little girl sighed. "I don't like oatmeal!" she whined.

"Well let's play pretend today then," he said with his back to her.

She stuck her tongue out at him and without even looking he responded, "I saw that little girl."

She put it back in her mouth and when he turned back around she shrugged innocently at him. "I didn't do anything…"  
"Seriously Mitch, I'm going to be late."

She picked up her spoon and watched the food plop back into the thick concoction in the bowl.

"Can I have waffles?"

"No…you can have that."

"Daddy!!"

"Michelle!" he whined back at her.

She frowned. "Auntie would let me have waffles," she pouted.

He laughed. "That's because you have Auntie wrapped around your little finger. I live with you. Little different."

"They have breakfast at school…"

He rolled his eyes and sighed. "Fine! Go get dressed!"

She smiled and scampered off upstairs to get dressed, leaving her bowl of oatmeal, uneaten, on the table.

Six years old and a handful. That would be a way to describe the little blue eyed girl that ran up the stairs. She was starting to make friends and playing with them outside…and then running off down the street to where Jay had to chase her down. All in all she was a good child though, despite the mouth that he knew she got from him.

"Emma Michelle!" he yelled up the stairs.

She peeked her head out cautiously. "Daddy?"

"Now!!"

She scampered down the stairs with her bag and gave him a sweet smile as she hugged him. "I'm gonna miss you…" she said as she buried her head in his stomach.

His rigid stance started to relax a little bit as she did this. As much as he hated to admit it, this girl was his soft spot. Having Michelle had changed him in ways that he never knew he could change. In the past six years he had gone from miscreant teenager to a somewhat responsible father. And at the age of only twenty four, he thought he'd still be living life large, instead of putting Scooby-Doo band aids over cuts as a little blonde haired girl cried as though her leg was going to have to be amputated.

"Paige is picking you up today ok?" he asked softly as she skipped down the last couple of stairs.

She nodded as she ducked inside the car. "When are you coming home?"

"In a few days," he said as she nodded and pouted a little.

"Michelle you're not even going to notice I'm not here! Knowing you, you'll be talking Alex and Paige into letting you have a party at one in the morning," he grumbled.

* * *

"Jay I can handle her! I have for the past six years," Alex sighed into the phone.

She had her blue Kia parked outside Michelle's school, waiting for that little girl that she loved like her own to come bouncing out. After ten minutes she hung up with him and entered the school to look for Michelle. Fiver minutes after being told by several teachers where the principles office was, she poked her head in.

"Michelle?" she said as the blonde little girl looked up hesitantly.

"What happened?" Alex asked as she crouched next to her friends daughter.

"Excuse me, are you Michelle's guardian?" a voice said from behind.

Alex stood up and turned to face a man that could not be that much older than she was…and damn it he was cute.

"Umm…I'm her…I'm watching her for a week or so…."

The man just stared at her. "I'm her fathers friend," she finally clarified.

"Well we've been trying to get Mr. Hogart on the phone for some time now and have received no answer. Are we to talk to you about this situation then?"

Alex looked from the man she presumed was the principal to Michelle who was still looking at her feet.

"Situation?" she crossed her arms and stared at the man.

"Yes. Michelle here actually…punched a child in the face today," he said with an almost amused look on his face.

She dropped her arms and turned around to stare at the little blonde haired girl who looked so innocent.

"There has to be a mistake, I've known her her whole life. Michelle doesn't fight…"

"She will not tell me what occurred but the other student said she came out of nowhere and just attacked him-"

"Him?" Alex smirked.

The man caught her eye and raised an eyebrow and she tried to suppress the smirk. "Yes, it was a male student. But like yourself, I'm having an issue believing that Michelle would just randomly punch someone. I've never had an issue with her before."

Alex looked at the little girl and nodded her head before walking and squatting down next to her.

"Mitch, do you have something you need to tell me?"

She shrugged her shoulders and Alex shook her head. "No ma'am. You are not getting away with that one. Either tell me or tell your dad," she said as she took out her phone.

Her eyes went wide and Alex smiled. "That's what I thought. So what's up? You punched someone?"

Michelle just nodded, still silent.

"Any…reason?"

She stared at Alex stubbornly before giving in. "He said I had no mommy because she ran away because she didn't love me and Daddy anymore," she said in a small voice.

Alex, taken aback by what she just heard, stared at her. "Are you telling me the truth Emma Michelle?"

She nodded. "He was older and mean and he said that and I punched him and ran away," she said still softly.

Alex stood up slowly and turned around to face the man, a look of contempt on her face. "I suggest you call that child in here and ask him what really happened," she said stiffly as she took Michelle's book bag and started to walk out.

"Umm, miss? I can't actually let you leave until I find out what happened?"

"Are you serious? Is this a new policy?" she arched an eyebrow at him as he arched one back.

"He said something deemed inappropriate and thought he could get away with it and she fought him. I will talk to her, as I'm sure her father will as well, but I do not intend on punishing her for this."

"What was said?" he asked as he looked at Michelle.

"I assume you know the story of her mother and father?"

He shook his head. "I don't know anything about anyone. I'm still fairly new to the area."

She sighed. "Her parents were in high school when they had her and her mother died. The child made a remark about it and she punched him for it. I have no intention of punishing her for it."

"I can understand her frustration but violence does not solve anything-"

She gave him a pointed look. "Trust me, I of all people know that one," she said as she walked out. As Michelle walked slowly down the stairs she turned around briefly to see if he was still there. He was and he was watching Alex walk away.

* * *

"You sure she's not making it up?"

"Jayson Hogart!! You know as well as I do that your daughter would not do anything like that unless she was provoked. She may have your mouth but thank God she has her mothers temperament," Alex snapped over the phone.

Jay just put his head in his hand and sighed. He had a feeling something would happen at some point in her life since he was, after all her father. But six years old? This had to be a joke. Why couldn't kids just wait until high school to start this shit?

"Jay?"

"Yeah…sorry. You know…they're starting early," he said continuing his stream of consciousness he had going.

"What?"

"The kids. I mean I figured something would happen at some point. I am her father and Emma was loved by everyone because she was so friggen nice to people. People can put two and two together to figure out why Emma's not here," he said softly.

"Are you serious? Do you really think everyone thinks Emma ran off? Because that would be a joke and you know it sir. Half of this town loved her and the rest that don't know her…heard the stories. And we know you've changed. So shut your fucking mouth already. I hate playing Dr. Phil to you," she groaned.

He just laughed and rolled his eyes. "So…you and Paige?"

"What about us?"

"Marriage? Kids…."

"I have your kid isn't that enough for me?" she joked as Jay heard a small voice over the line. "Speak of the devil she wants to talk to you."

Jay smiled as his daughters voice came over the phone. "Hi Daddy!" she said with warmth in her voice and he knew that she was smiling.

"Hey Mitch. What's this I heard about school?"

She went quiet and he waited. He knew that she would eventually say what happened, it just might take a half hour of quiet to get it out.

"I got in trouble," she mumbled.

"Auntie told me."

"Then why are you asking me?" she asked innocently.

He narrowed his eyes at the phone. "Because Auntie didn't get in trouble baby. You did. So what happened?"

"Richie said that Mommy ran away because she didn't love us anymore."

Jay closed his eyes but stayed silent.

"And I hit him and ran away," she said softly.

Jay stayed silent for a minute or two.

"You know about Mommy right?"

"Uh huh. She's watching me from Heaven."

"Do you think she liked what she saw today?"

"…No…"

He sighed. "I understand why you did it Michelle, I do. But I'm going to tell you something ok? You are going to have to deal with this your whole life. People loved your mom and I just was not a nice person."

"Yes you were. Mommy loved you and she was nice. Nice people don't like mean people," Michelle said simply and tears unexpectedly sprang to Jay's eyes. "Paige wants me to say good bye because she wants to talk to you. Bye Daddy!!"

"Bye Mitch, I'll see you soon ok?" he said with his eyes still closed.

"I love you!" she said happily as she handed over the phone.

"Jay…" a soft voice said and he knew that Paige had heard every word that Michelle had said to him.

"She's right you know. My six year old little girl is right. Nice people don't like mean people."

"There's always an exception to the rules."

He sniffed and cleared his throat and looked up at his hotel wall. "Well lucky me then huh?"

"I'd say so, yes. Look at what you got out of your situation. You have this little girl that loves you more than anyone. And I will be among the first to say you have really cleaned up your act Jay. Emma has changed you so much and she hasn't even been around for a lot of it. And I know Alex is afraid of the mushy stuff but from time to time I'm not. And I'll make an exception for you. We are so proud of you Jay. You haven't had it easy with her. Your actual family just dropped off the face of the planet, you lost your girlfriend, you've bounced jobs….but you've made it work. And you know you did well when I'm saying this to you," she finished up.

"Paige…don't make me cry again ok?" he said softly. He knew that the former cheerleader had made room in her heart for him and that she loved him but had no idea that all this was going to come out.

"Oh you can't do that," she said in a matter of fact tone.

"Oh really?"

"No crying if I'm not there to see," she joked.

"Oh Christ," he said as he laughed. "I think I'm gonna cut out of here early and come home."

"Jayson! You need to stop this. You've had at least six assignments over the past four years and every time you come home early because you think she can't survive. We are perfectly equipped to handle this child. So stop it and stay there. I don't want to see your face for another four days do you hear me?"

"Why do I love you?" he groaned.

She tsked. "Because I'm gorgeous and you can't live without me. Duh."

He rolled his eyes and grinned as he hung up the phone and relaxed on his flimsy bed. Six days without his family was definitely going to be a new adventure for him that was for sure.

* * *

"Yeah I'll have the eggs with French toast," Jay said without looking at the waitress as he folded up his menu. He stirred his coffee with renewed boredom as he stared out the window. Tomorrow he was going home, back to his girls. And apparently to talk to the parents of that dipshit that said Emma left him because she didn't love him. Sometimes, she haunted him. He would dream about her maybe twice a month but he never told anyone this. Not even Alex and Paige. Sometimes they were dreams about the future, sometimes they were dreams of the past. Sometimes they were just weird and involved pancakes on trees. But each time she left; left the house, left the room and once in a while he even relived that day when she died. She wasn't coming back, he knew that. He was plenty aware of that fact. But sometimes he wished it didn't have to hurt so bad.

"Jay?"

"Huh?" he looked over his shoulder, still stuck in his reverie to see a redhead standing five feet to his left.

"Oh my God!" she slid into the booth and smiled at him.

"Ellie?" he squinted at her and she swatted his hand.

"What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "Eating. Isn't that the normal thing to do?"

She shot him a look and fiddled with some sugar packets.

"Where'd you go?" he asked quietly.

She looked up at him but stayed silent. Her eyes grew big and he could see the pain in them but he thought he deserved an answer of some sort.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean where did go El? You came around like twice after Michelle was born. And then poof! You were like vapor. Disappeared," he said spreading his arms wide, almost hitting the waitress that had his food.

"Anything for you honey?" she smiled at Ellie as she shook her head.

"I don't know Jay. I just…couldn't be there. I couldn't see Emma's child without Emma. I mean I hated her for so long and then she became one of my best friends only to be taken from me! It just…hurt."

"Don't talk to me about hurt Ellie," he said darkly as he shoved a forkful of eggs in his mouth.

She winced but stayed silent as he ate some more.

"So where's Manning?"

"Who?" she cocked her head to one side.

"Manning. First name is either Craig or gay emo kid; depends on who you ask. I'm partial to the latter one myself. Last time I saw you, you told me not to fuck things up for you two. And then you vaporized."

"Craig…yeah," she laughed a little. "We didn't really work out. He loved music and I loved him. It only lasted about five months," she shrugged.

"So what happened after five months?"

"I cried."

He rolled his eyes. " I'm not talking about that Ellie!! You think you can just fucking show up here and eat with me and pretend like no time as passed at all!? Are you fucking insane? When I needed people, where were you? Huh?"

"Jay…I…" she stammered, her eyes filling with tears.

"No. Forget it, I don't want to hear it. You want to explain yourself, do it to my daughter," he snapped as he left some money on the table and walked out.


	9. Out of nothing at all

Chapter 8- Out of nothing at all

"Can we please order out tonight? There is no way I am going to cook," the girl groaned as she collapsed on the couch.

"That depends. Can we go to Burger King?"

She shot him a look as a little girl started to climb on her. "Can I bodily harm you?"

"Technically you can. So BK here we come!" he said gleefully as he jumped up with his keys in hand.

"Jay sit down," she rolled her eyes.

"I knew this was too good to be true," he grumbled as he pulled his hat down lower over his eyes.

"We can order pizza…" she started and he lifted his hat a little bit.

"Pepperoni?"

"On half," she said after a second.

He grinned and leaned back on the chair, showing that she had won.

"I'll call it in. If I let you do it, I'll be picking some meatlovers crap off my pizza."

"There is nothing wrong with that!" he cried out as he grabbed her hand.

"What?" she spun back towards him.

He pulled her down into his lap and kissed her as she shrieked in delight.

"What was that for!?"

"Well you're letting me put meat on your precious pizza. And number two…you think you can walk by me and have me not do something like that? Let's look at exhibit A shall we?" he looked at the little girl playing with coasters on the couch and laughed.

"Can you not liken our child to an exhibit?" she cocked her head.

"I never said she wasn't a cute exhibit…"

"Why do I bother?" she asked as she started to get back up.

"Because you love a challenge," he called out to her as she left the room.

Jay sat up with a gasp like someone had just knocked the wind out of him to find himself drenched in sweat. After a few seconds passed and he realized he was at home, he shut his eyes and swore out loud. He hated these damn dreams. It was like torture to see Emma there but not in real life; to see what they could have had only to wake up and realize what really happened. What sucked even worse was that there was no easy way to get back to sleep after that without slipping into another Emma like vortex that he'd rather avoid. He sighed and checked on Michelle before making his way downstairs to watch some bad television. A knock on the door stopped him midway through the kitchen and he looked at the clock. Two thirty in the morning and someone was knocking on his door? The only person that would do that…was the last person he wanted to see right now.

* * *

"You know Jay said something today that made me think."

Paige rolled over to look at Alex and laughed. "Well that's never good."

The raven haired woman rolled her eyes but kept talking. "How long have we been together now Paige?"

"Umm…four years?" she guessed.

"Are you happy?"

Paige sat up and looked at her girlfriend. "So this doesn't sound good…"

"Well I was just thinking-"

"So you've mentioned. By this is going, it sounds like you're going to attempt to go straight again…," she said offhand but with a bit of apprehension in her voice.

"Actually what I was going to say was-"

"Because I mean if you wanted to, all you would need to do is tell me you know? Yes I'd be devastated but you know…shit happens right?" Paige shrugged uncomfortably. "Just tell me it's not Jay. I will beat the shit out of you right here and now if it is."

"What do you think about getting married?"

The blonde's eyes grew huge and her mouth dropped open. "You mean…like…us two?" she gestured between the both of them.

Alex shrugged in discomfort this time, not meeting Paige's eyes.

"Why all the sudden are you bringing this up?"

"Like I said Jay asked me tonight if we ever thought about it and at the time I just brushed it off…but now that I'm laying here…why don't we?"

"Alex, you can't just wake up one day and decide to get married. Let alone to another woman…especially when that woman happens to be me."

Alex nodded her head as she looked at the bedspread and then back up at Paige. "I know."

"So…wait. You're…serious?"

"Well…yeah."

Paige crossed her arms and gave Alex a look. "I want to hear you say it."

"What? Paige-"

"Nope."

Alex rolled her eyes and looked away.

"Well if you won't say it…then apparently you don't mean it. So…in that case I'm going back to bed," Paige said as she made to roll back over.

"Paige. Marry me."

She froze in mid turn and turned her head to look at Alex who was looking intently at her and she could tell that it was not a joke or just something that was tossed around.

"I'll think about it," she jabbed and Alex's eyes faltered and she looked away. "I'm kidding! You know that I will!" she exclaimed a minute later as she threw her arms around Alex.

"I hate you, you know that?"

Paige grinned as she went to kiss her. "I know. And it all just makes so much sense."

* * *

"This better be good," Jay said as he opened the door to reveal Eleanor Nash standing on his doorstep.

"What?"

"Ellie!?"

"Not the Easter Bunny, no," she quipped as she pushed past him and into the house.

"What are you doing here?" he followed her into his living room.

"We need to talk," she said as she crossed her arms.

"No, we don't," he countered.

"I love you."

He blinked several times quickly before staring at her.

"Well…" he started awkwardly.

"Oh God! No, not like that!!!" she threw her hands up in the air and he started laughing out of relief.

"Christ Ellie, don't do that! You just scared the shit out of me!!" he collapsed on the sofa with the red head perched beside him.

"I mean it though, I do love you. I mean we were friends for a little while before everything went down. And I did count you as one of my closest friends. So I love you Jay. And I know that doesn't make up for anything…"

"Daddy?" a little voice said from the stairs and he smiled slightly.

"You can come out Mitch," he replied and she came flying at him from the shadows and he caught her and put her in his lap.

"You were yelling."

He closed his eyes and sighed. "It wasn't bad yelling honey, it's ok."

"What's good yelling?"

"When you're happy sometimes you yell," Ellie piped up before she could think.

"Who are you?" Michelle cocked her blonde head to the side and Jay looked at Ellie to see how she was going to handle this one.

"I'm a friend of your dad's. He was a close friend of mine when we went to school together…"

"Like Aunties?"

"Plural?" Ellie rose an eyebrow.

"Still together," he replied and she smiled.

"At least some of us can get it right out there," she mumbled and he shot a glance at her which she brushed off as she focused on Michelle.

"So what's your name?"

"What's yours?" the little girl countered and Ellie glared at Jay.

"Apple doesn't fall far from the tree eh?"

He started laughing as she replied, "I'm Ellie. Who are you?"

"My name is Emma for my Mommy. She watches me you know," she said innocently and Ellie had to blink a couple of times. The way she said it proudly was the best way it could have been stated. It was almost as if it was a knife in Ellie's side, a reminder that Emma was not only watching her daughter but Jay as well and knew what happened. Knew that Ellie ran off and deserted her family when they needed help. She smiled and breathed deeply as she looked at her.

"Well hi there Emma," she said the name softly.

"That was Mommy's name. I'm Michelle."

"Well that's nice that you share your mom's name huh?"

She nodded and buried her blonde head in Jay's neck and he laughed softly. "Ok bug, go back to bed."

She bounced up and paused before going up the stairs.

"Take two toys into bed with you," he sighed and she giggled as she ran up the stairs.

"She's gorgeous," Ellie said softly and Jay turned his attention back to her. "Jay…"

He opened one arm and she flew to his side, tears streaming down her face. "I'm so sorry," she repeated herself.

"I know," he said into her hair as he hugged her tightly in return.

* * *

"Jayson Ryan Hogart!"

The sheets were ripped off him as he scrunched up in a ball like a five year old. He finally opened his eyes to see Paige on one side of his bed and Alex on the other.

"Oh my God. This isn't a nightmare anymore is it?"

"Oh you're real cute when there's a girl sleeping downstairs aren't you?" Paige snapped as she crossed her arms.

"It's Ellie!" he cried incredulously.

"…Wait. That's Nash?" Alex's stance faltered as he nodded and Paige just threw her hands up.

"You know, just you wait until you really do get involved with someone. You think going through parents are intimidating…ha!" she turned on her heel and marched out of the room.

"I'm scared of you…" he called to her.

"Well you should be," she stuck her head back inside his room.

Ten minutes later he made his way downstairs where he found Michelle sitting on Paige's lap watching cartoons and Alex and Ellie holding mugs of coffee and talking.

"I love how I'm the only testosterone in my house," he mumbled as he walked into the room.

"Oh you love us. And we have something we need to tell you," Alex smiled.

Jay sat down next to Ellie and relaxed next to her as she shot him a smile.

"I was thinking about what you said to me Jay-"

"I say a lot of things. Doesn't mean you should do it Lex…"

"About us getting married," she spoke over him.

A quiet filled the room for a few seconds and Jay slowly started to smile. "Wait…you two…"

"Getting married," Paige confirmed as she turned her head to look at Jay.

"Oh my God!!!!" Ellie shrieked as she leaped off the couch and tackled Alex in a hug.

"Well I'm glad she finally listened to me," Jay rolled his eyes as he grinned. "But I guess this makes you my sister in law now huh?" he spoke in Paige's direction.

"Please, I already was and you know it."

He grinned at her and gave her a hug, careful not to upset the child on her legs.

"What did your parents say?" Ellie asked.

The two women exchanged troubled looks and Jay sighed.

"You're still afraid to tell them that you're together. I still can't believe that for the past four years they really bought into the whole 'best friend roommate' thing."

"My mother would…well I don't know what she would do but it wouldn't be pretty!" Paige exclaimed.

"You shouldn't hide who you love from your family Paige…" Ellie spoke up and Paige glared at her.

"So I'm glad your back Ellie, but maybe you shouldn't be talking about hiding who you love from your family huh?"

Ellie sunk back a little bit into the couch cushions and Jay rolled his eyes.

"Auntie?"

"What baby?" Paige looked at the girl.

"Am I going to school today?"

Jay looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was seven thirty.

"Fuck! Come on Michelle, go get dressed. Hurry," he said as he went into the kitchen.

"What time is school?" Ellie asked.

"Eight thirty," Alex replied as she rounded up her school items and put them on the couch for her.

Michelle bounded down the stairs and Alex laughed when she saw her. "Your father will not let you out of the house like that and you know it. Go change."

"Wearing what?" Jay stuck his head around the corner. "Michelle!"

"Told you," she whispered to the little girl.

Michelle, who was wearing a lime green spaghetti strap tank top and a short jean skirt, pouted and went back up the stairs.

"What was wrong with that?"

"She's in the first grade! She can't dress like that!!"

"She looked fine!"

"Ellie."

She stopped when Jay said her name firmly and looked at the floor. This was going to take some getting used to, Jay being a father and all protective, Paige and Alex getting married and being his family. She felt like an outsider looking into their private little gathering and wasn't sure how to act. Jay had changed, that was for sure. He wasn't that nineteen year old boy anymore that was scared of raising a little girl by himself anymore. He was a twenty four year old man that knew what he was doing and took care of his daughter before anything else. He was becoming the man she knew deep down that one day he could become.

"Who's taking her?" Jay asked from the kitchen.

"I'll do it," Alex spoke up and he nodded. "I'll go with you. I want donuts."

"Donuts Jay? Really?" Alex cocked her head.

He shrugged and took a gulp of his coffee as Michelle came back downstairs in shorts and a t-shirt.

"Thank you," he said as she picked up her back pack.

"I'm imagining the fights you guys will get into when she gets to high school. This is entertaining," Paige said quietly as Michelle went to the door.

"Hate you," Jay said offhand.

"Love you!" she called back as the friends left the house.

"I should go too…" Ellie said as she picked up her purse.

"Listen…Ellie. I'm glad you decided to show back up in our lives. I really am, I know Alex and Jay both missed you, even though they're both too prideful to say anything about it. But don't think that everything will be just hunky dory ok? You missed the past six years and we've been there to pick up the pieces. When Jay was in a car accident three years ago and broke his leg, we picked Michelle up from school and took care of her. When he's sick, we come over and take care of her…"

"I get it. Surrogate mothers," she muttered.

"Not just that. She's as much our daughters as she is Jay's. And Jay is as much my brother as he is Alex's. So don't think you can come in here and think everything will be ok again. He might have taken you back in…and that's great. But I'm not Jay or Alex. While they were missing you, I was watching everything happen."

"What are you getting at Paige?"

"Glad you're back. But you're gonna have to prove that you're not gonna take off again."

"I don't intend on it…"

"Great. And while you're at it…don't get too involved with my niece. She doesn't even know who you are," she said as she glared at the redhead who was leveling her with her stare as well.


	10. Weight in the bucket part one

Chapter 9- Weight in the bucket part one

"Does she think that she's the only person in the fucking world that cares about her!?!?!"

"Uhh…who are we talking about here?"

"Paige!" Ellie huffed.

"Paige and who? Please don't tell me Alex…"

Ellie shot her friend a look. "Michelle, Manny. Michelle."

"Oh! Wait, what happened?"

"Well…I went to Jay's and pretty much apologized for taking off all those years ago-"

"It was six years ago Ellie. It wasn't all those years ago," Manny broke in softly. "Trust me, we all still remember."

Ellie stayed quiet for a minute while looking at her former best friend but Manny shook her off.

"Don't go there Nash. Mushy doesn't suit you. So you went there and….?"

"Well first off, Michelle looks freakishly like Emma you know that?" Ellie asked with her wide eyes as Manny laughed. "No I'm serious! Looks like her mother with her fathers attitude. Somehow I guess it fits. But anyway, Paige and Alex came over in the morning which is apparently routine. By the way, they're getting married. And Jay and Alex left to take her to school and Paige got all bitchy on me!"

"They're getting married?!!" Manny clapped her hands.

Ellie took a breath to respond but paused as she realized what Manny was talking about. "Oh, yeah. But she started saying crap to me like not to get involved with her niece and how Jay is her brother now and all that shit. Seriously, I wasn't afraid of her in school, I'm not afraid of her now," Ellie said defiantly as she leaned back into the couch.

Manny watched her for a minute to make sure she was really done this time and took a breath.

"Well…I mean can you blame her?"

"What?"

"No El, I'm totally happy you're back! But Paige and Jay have gotten uber close in the past years because she's been dating Alex who is practically like Jay's family. So I mean yeah…she's going to be a little protective," she shrugged.

"A little!?"

"Ok. Or a lot."

"She still didn't need to get up in my face about it," Ellie grumbled.

"Well it's Paige. Some things never go away," Manny said offhand. "So…where's that loser boyfriend of yours?"

"Excuse me?" Ellie looked confused.

"Craig? Dated Ashley, then me, then me and Ashley, then Ashley, then had a breakdown, then me and apparently you after some time. Nice to break that cycle he had going…"

Ellie rolled her eyes. "What did Craig love?"

"Guitars. Oh and music."

"Alright then," Ellie said as she toyed with her red hair which she wore long and straight.

"Oh wow. That really sucks El. I'm sorry," Manny made a face.

"Hey, you win some, you lose some right?"

"Or in Craig's case, you lose and you lose and you lose…and when he leaves, you win."

"Manny!"

"It's true!! Did I look happy when he was fucking around with me?!"

Ellie rolled her eyes but stayed silent.

"Thank you!"

"Well what about you?! Who do you have hiding around here?"

Manny just grinned and held up her left hand that had two rings on it.

"YOU'RE MARRIED?!?!?!?!?!?!"

"Three years," Manny said proudly.

"Oh my God!!!! To who!?!?"

"Oh you wouldn't believe me if I told you," she laughed as she heard a car door shut.

Ellie stood up and move towards the door to see a slender young looking man heading towards the door with something in his arms.

"Hey," he said as he walked in, not looking around.

"TO HIM!?!?!?!?!"

Manny just started to laugh as the man jumped a mile and looked to his left and his face sagged when he saw who it was.

"Jesus Ellie!! Are you trying to kill me?!"

Ellie said nothing as her mouth was still hanging open unattractively.

"Hey there baby," Manny said softly as she went over to her husband and took the bundle from his arms.

"Careful…"

Manny slowly laid it down and started to unravel the cloth from around it to reveal a sleeping baby boy and Ellie's eyes grew huge.

"Dear Ellie, you look stupid. Love, me," the man said as he ribbed her and dropped his coat on the kitchen chair.

"Does Jay know about this?" was the first thing she got out.

"He was kind of in our wedding. Michelle was the flower girl and Spike walked her down the aisle…"

"Oh my God…" she shook her head as she sat down.

"You wanna meet our son?"

Ellie nodded wordlessly as Manny sat down next to her.

"Ellie, meet our son; Jacob Timothy Yorke."

* * *

"I know some girls that would like to date you, you know."

Jay shot a look at his friend and ate some more of the pizza that was in front of him.

"What are you getting at?"

"I'm just saying, maybe you should see what's out there…"

"Manny," he sighed.

"Look Jay, I totally get what you're doing and I respect it. Lord knows I do. But it's been six years…"

"And?" he took a sip of beer.

"Well…you deserve to be happy you know?"

"I am happy Manny. The only girl in my life is the one that matters and I am madly in love with her."

"Yeah too bad she's six huh?"

"Minor detail Santos."

"Are you ever going to refer to me as Yorke?" she cocked her head.

"Nope. I'm set in my ways."

"You were in our wedding!!!"

"I didn't sign a waiver saying I had to stop calling you Santos. Besides…that just feels…weird. If I call you that, I'm going to think I'm talking to JT only with longer hair and a better body," he muttered.

"Jayson Hogart, are you checking me out?" she chided.

He laughed. "Yep. All these years I've secretly been holding out for you. Since you got married all I've done is cried myself to sleep at night actually. But it feels good to get it out in the open."

Manny played around with the uneaten crust on her plate and refused to make eye contact. "I know that you're still hung up on her Jay but you can't do this to yourself forever."

"I'm fine Manny…"

"Oh really? No dreams lately?"

He paused. "How did-"

"Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I don't talk to Alex or Paige? They hear you talking Jay. Talking to Emma…sometimes you yell. You need to…"

"Let go? Is that what I need to do Manny?" he glowered at her.

"That's not fair Jay. You need to be happy and you're hanging to her like she's going to come back!"

"She's dead Manny. I know she is. I've been to her grave enough times to realize that she's not coming back and if she does…well then I better run for it because apparently zombies are real ok?"

"Nice Jay. Nice," she said softly.

"What do you want from me?!" he half yelled. "I'm not going to just pick up and forget everything that happened. Every time I look at my daughter all I see is Emma, she looks just like her for Christ's sake!! And it doesn't help that Michelle wants to see what she looked like now too, that's a real fun time in the Hogart household, let me tell you. I'm glad that you're happy and you found someone, even if it is JT. I'm not you. I can't do that," he said slowly.

"Can't do what? Forget? Is that what you think I've done?" her voice rising slightly.

He shook his head. "Forget it Manny. I'm not doing this right now."

"I haven't you know. I've known her for a lot longer than you have. She was my family long before she was part of yours! Every day I sit on my bed and I talk to her ok Jay, every damn day. And every day I pray that you'll find some rest because you won't let her go. She was my best friend, my sister and I really do love what you're doing because of the fact you still love her…but you are so tired and everyone can see it. Emma wouldn't want this from you Jay…"

"Manny," he said softly, not meeting her eyes.

"I'm serious! She sees how you are now and I know that she would be so proud of you, just like we all are. She would love who you became and how you care for that little girl like she's your whole world. She would love you Jay…she still does. And I know you still love her and you always will but-"

"Manny!!" he yelled at her.

She finally looked up to see his blue eyes bright with tears. "I get it ok?" he said hoarsely as he got up.

"Where are you going?"

In typical Jay fashion she got no answer, just a back walking away.

* * *

Ellie sat and stared at the night sky as she exhaled the smoke from her cigarette. The autumn leaves fell to the ground and she shivered slightly, but not much. She sighed as she looked around and then leaned back against the stone; it was her first time being at this place and she unsure of what to do or what to say. How exactly does one talk to a dead friend?

"Hey Em…" she started. She thought a minute and then shook her head ruefully. There would be no planning out, it would be better if she just talked without thinking. It would sound fake if she thought it out anyway. "So I saw your girl the other day; let me tell you how beautiful she looks huh? You and Jay definitely make a good looking child," she laughed softly. "But it's a good thing she looks like you because she has Jay's attitude problems. I just want to come back Emma. I never should have left in the first place. I shouldn't have left your family when they needed help, I shouldn't have left my friends…I shouldn't have followed Craig like I did. The stupid thing is that I don't even know what I was hoping for with all that! I mean in the back of my mind I knew it wouldn't last, I'm not naïve you know? Plus if I left, I wouldn't have to see reminders of you everywhere. I wouldn't have to walk past your old locker anymore, I wouldn't have to see Jay with the baby and miss you. But I never stopped Emma, you have to believe that. I know that I'm not like Manny who talks to you daily…" she sighed. "What am I doing?" she mumbled.

"Hey El," a male voice said softly to the side of her and she jumped in spite of herself.

"Jay!"

He smiled a small smile at her and sat down across from her. "What are you doing here?"

She shrugged. "I figured it was time to pay my dues you know? I never came to see her grave in the first place. I skipped out on the burial."

Jay nodded silently while he started tracing Emma's name with his fingers gently. "I miss her."

"I know."

The two adults sat in silence for a while, each thinking of their own things, soaking in different things.

"Are you happy?" Ellie finally asked after a while.

"Happy how?" he asked softly.

"Happy. Content, satisfied. All that jazz."

He thought for a minute before closing his eyes and saying what he knew he had to do. "I need to let her go."

"What?"

"I need to let her go," he said opening his eyes this time. "For the past six years I've been holding on to her and her memory and just shutting everyone else out. I haven't even thought of dating anyone. And people keep telling me that I should get back out there but…"

"You can't."

He looked at her and smiled a crooked smile.

"I get it Jay. But you're right. You need to let her go. She's not going to come back and I mean…she knows you love her. Can I say that I'm surprised that for six years you've held on to her?"

He chuckled as he played with some loose grass but didn't meet her eye.

"You've changed Jay. You're not that delinquent kid anymore that got suspended for a yellow paint incident anymore; you're this man that cares so much for his daughter and is making a life for himself. The way that you put Michelle in front of yourself…" she sighed. "You've turned out to be someone that Emma would be proud of," she said softly looking at Jay.

He raised his head slowly and met her eyes and nodded. "I know."

She smiled at him as she got up. "Alright well I'll leave you alone. Is it ok if I crash on your couch again?" she asked as she dusted the grass from her butt.

"Yeah I don't care. Oh and Ellie," he paused as he threw her pack of cigarettes to her. "Smoking will kill you."

"I'm sorry are you telling me this?" she shot him a look. "Jay Hogart, in other words the chain smoker himself?"

"Well it's hard to keep that up when Paige teaches your daughter to flush your cigarettes down the toilet now isn't it?"

Ellie laughed but Jay just scowled. "Yeah it was really funny, let me tell you. That was three years ago and if I want one now…I have to be creative about it. I wouldn't put it past them to go through my underwear."

"Only girls hide things there," Ellie called out as she started to leave.  
Jay just smiled and shook his head as he looked back at the place he frequented often.

"Hey Em. So I've been thinking…people keep telling me to let you go. To get back out there and date someone. And…I'm starting to think that they're right. I love you baby, I always will," he said softly as he started to get up. "I'll see you later Emma," he said as he looked up at the sky.

* * *

a/n: soooo jay never got expelled, he was just suspended for the whole rick thing (which i know i didn't really touch upon in Beautiful Disaster). and can you tell that i don't care much for craig?? lol. ...BlackRoseOnFire- i hope i cleared up some of the whole paige being a bitch to ellie thing a little bit. ...Tammywammy-yeah when i read your review i noticed that i didn't put manny in her lately soooo here you go:) 


	11. Weight in the bucket part two

a/n: so i might have taken jay a little ooc in this chapter. sorry for that one but we all knew this would not be a true degrassi fanfic if there was no drama at all, including relapses into the self absorbed land. R&R -nic

* * *

Chapter 10- Weight in the bucket pt. 2

"Where's Daddy?"

Alex looked up from making dinner and smiled sadly at the little girl. "He'll be here later honey ok?"

She frowned but nodded.

"What's wrong Mitch?"

"Nathan keeps asking me to play with him after school but I never can because Daddy's never home anymore."

Alex put down the spatula and got down to the little girls level. "I know pumpkin. He should be here soon though…"

Michelle just sighed and went back into the living room and a couple of seconds later Alex could hear the television flipping through channels before Spongebob was heard. Six o'clock. "Jay where are you?" she muttered to herself.

* * *

"Do you want to go get some dinner tonight Jay?"

He looked at the brunette next to him and smiled. "Love to but I can't."

"Got another girl?" she teased him.

"…Kind of…" he faltered. He didn't openly advertise his daughter to the women he was trying to date. It wasn't that he was ashamed of her, Michelle was his whole world. But telling a hot girl that you had a young one at home…well that just kind of stops the hotness right there.

"Well I won't tell if you won't," she purred in his ear.

He looked around the trailer that served as an office for his construction site and prayed that his boss didn't see his daughter coming onto him because that would be an earful to listen to.

"Miranda, how old are you?" he asked quietly.

"Old enough," she shot back with a look. When she realized that wasn't getting her anywhere she sighed. "I'm twenty one."

His eyes widened and he smirked a little bit. "Where do you want to go?"

She gave a seductive sounding laugh. "Anywhere you want to go," was her answer.

* * *

"He can't keep doing this!"

"I know Paige but what am I supposed to say to him!?" Alex hissed back.

"Oh gee I don't know, how about your daughter is beginning to think you don't love her anymore!"

"Oh that is low Michaelchuck, even for you."

Paige just cocked an eyebrow at her. "Do you think I'm kidding you? She asked me that last night when I put her to bed. Do you have idea how heartbreaking that is?"

Alex sighed and sank onto the couch where the little girl was sleeping. "Alright, so we need to talk to him."

"Thank you!" Paige sighed as she went into the kitchen.

Two minutes later a door opened and Jay slowly crept in, knowing that Michelle would be asleep by now.

"Jayson Ryan," Paige growled as she yanked his shirt collar downward so that he collapsed in a kitchen chair.

"Christ Paige!"

"Where have you been?" she folded her arms.

"I had…things to do!" he said lamely.

Alex cocked her head. "Do you mean things or people?"

"It's not like that Alex, come on."

"No you come on Jay! I'm glad that you're dating people again, I am. But it's been a month and your daughter has stayed here for three out of those four weeks! I have an issue with that!!"

"If you don't want to watch her, just tell me," he said coldly.

She shook head in a disgusted fashion. "Don't start with me Jay. You always said that both of your girls deserved better than your father right? Well it's funny how the apple doesn't fall from the tree huh?"

He reeled back as though he'd been slapped and stared at his best friend. "Excuse me?"

"Do you know what she asked me last night?" Paige broke in softly. "She asked me if you were mad at her and if you still loved her. She spends so much time over here with us that she thinks she did something wrong and you don't want her anymore Jay! She's six years old, she can't understand all this stuff right now!"

He stood up slowly and glared at the two women. "I really don't get you guys. You told me to go out and date other people and when I do, you make me feel like shit. You guys are awesome really. But you know what, fuck off ok?" he snapped as he gathered Michelle in his arms.

"Jay-"

He cut her off with a cold look as he walked out of the house, leaving the two lovers staring at the door wondering what had just happened.

* * *

"Miranda, I need to leave," he said as he disentangled himself from the younger girl.

"Oh right, that other girl. I forgot," she said with a hint of disdain in her voice.

"It's not like that."

"Oh really? What's it like then?"

"Well…it's my daughter."

She stopped and stared at him. "What?"

"My daughter."

"Umm…how hold is this girl?" she asked hesitantly.

He took a deep breath and kissed this girl goodbye in his mind. "She's six."

"How old are you?!"

"Twenty four."

"Oh my God…" she moaned.

"Look I'm sorry but I have to go. I need to pick her up from school. You can…come with me if you want to meet her."

"Woah!! Jay, you're a nice guy and all but…I didn't know that we were serious here. I thought it was just a nice little fling. You know, with no attachments."

He bit his upper lip. "Oh."

"I can't date a guy with a child! I'm twenty-one, I'm not ready to be this mother to a little girl! She already has one of those," she said as she picked up her purse. "I'm sorry," she said as she walked out.

"Yeah…me too," he said quietly.

* * *

The little girl shuffled her feet and squinted up at her teacher against the sunlight. The rules said she couldn't leave school grounds until someone she knew came to pick her up. With her teachers head turned she slipped behind a door and waited until the teacher walked away to come back out. She knew her way home; it wasn't that far. She sighed and started the journey across the parking lot to her house. Her mission today was to make it home in time to play with the kids outside.

* * *

The girl turned up the stereo as she drove and sang along to a 311 song as the autumn wind whipped through her hair. It felt good to be home after running away for so long. It took a few weeks but she was able to get a job working for the newspaper and moved out to get a place with Marco, who was so happy to see her face again he didn't question anything. She was vaguely aware that her phone was going off but she just shrugged it off. It was buried deep in the recesses of her purse and it was not worth getting right at that moment, they would just have to call her back.

* * *

She poked her head out into the street and cautiously looked both ways to see no cars coming. She gingerly stepped off the sidewalk and then began skipping along, humming to herself when she heard a squeal of the brakes and froze.

* * *

A little blonde girl bounced past her car and Ellie just smiled and then took another look at her. There was no way that could be who she thought it was. She slowed down to look in her rearview mirror and she put the car in reverse on the empty street and went backwards to see her face. Oh it absolutely was.

"Michelle!!" Ellie yelled as she slammed on the brakes.

The little girl froze, scared, in the middle of the road and stared at the red head.

"What the hell are you doing?!" she rushed out to grab hold of her.

"Ellie?" she cocked her head to the side as if trying to remember her name and just saying the first thing that came to mind.

"Yes baby, it's me. Where is your father??"

The little girl just shrugged. "He was supposed to pick me up today…but he didn't show up when I waited. He never does," she pouted.

"Who usually picks you up?"

"Aunty Alex or Paige. But I think they had a fight with Daddy."  
Ellie just sighed as she put Michelle in the backseat. "They would. Where are you going honey?"

"Home so I can finally play with the kids outside for once instead of waiting for Daddy to come pick me up."

Ellie just looked at her in the rearview mirror and smiled tightly. "Well then today, you will play with those kids," she said as she drove off.

* * *

"What do you mean she's not here?!?!?" Jay bellowed in the principals office.

"Mr. Hogart, please…calm down…" the woman said as she jumped at the loudness of his voice.

"You want me to calm down when you your staff was supposed to be watching my daughter and she's nowhere to be found?! How the fuck am I supposed to be calm right now!?!" he paced anxiously around in the office.

"Well was anyone supposed to come pick her up today?"

"Yeah, me!"

"Have you tried your wife?"

"I don't have one. It's just me and my daughter," he said through grit teeth.

"Anyone else that you can think of that would come and pick her up?"

Jay just sighed as he sank into a chair and his phone rang.

"Hello?" he yelled into the phone.

"I have her Jay. I found her walking home from school," Ellie's calm voice came through his earpiece and he visibly relaxed, much to the principals' delight.

"Where are you?" he asked after taking a few deep breaths.

"Sitting on the front steps of your house. She's playing on the sidewalk with some kids."

"I'll be right there," he said as he snapped his phone shut.

The lady went to open her mouth but Jay sent her a withering glare. "Maybe you should check out your staff huh? Apparently they're not that qualified," he spat as he left the room.

"Emma Michelle Nelson Hogart!"

"Ohhhh!!!!" the four little kids around the blonde started to howl.

"Hi…Daddy…" she said tentatively.

"What the hell were you thinking!?! Do you have any idea how scared I was!?"

Ellie stood up from the steps and cleared her throat. "Hey…I hate to interrupt but can I use your bathroom? I really need to go. What, sorry!" she exclaimed as Jay sent her a look.

"Inside, now!" he pointed his finger inside and Michelle huffed and picked up her backpack and stomped inside after Ellie.

"You knew I was coming to get you! Why didn't you just wait there?!"

"You always say that and then Aunty shows up! I want to play with the kids outside!!" she crossed her arms.

"Why did you leave today Michelle, why?"

"Because I wanted to go home and I hate waiting there by myself with those smelly teachers. I know how to get home Daddy!!"

"What if Ellie didn't see you? Or what if someone else did and they tried to take you huh?"

"I would run away," she said defiantly.

Jay shot her a look and Michelle gave him one back.

"That's it, you're grounded little girl," he said quietly.

"What?! Not fair!!!!" she wailed.

"Tough!"

"I hate you!" she hurled after as she ran upstairs to her room.

"Wow…" Ellie appeared in the room.

"What the fuck was going on in her little mind that she just decided it would be fine to walk home?" Jay asked tiredly as sat down at the kitchen table.

"Well she told me that you never came to pick her up anymore and she didn't want to go to Alex's again. When's the last time you picked her up from school?"

"That's not the point El."

"Jay…I think it is," she said softly. "She just wanted to come home."

"Well she should have waited," he snapped.

"Yes, she should have. But it's ok, I found her," she put a hand on his arm.

"But what if you didn't?" he asked not meeting her gaze.


	12. Bringing down the house

Chapter 11- Bringing down the house

"Spike? Snake?" Jay rubbed his eyes as he opened his door to reveal his daughters grandparents there.

"How are things Jay?"

"Things are fine. How are things with you?"

"They're…ok," they paused as he let them in.

"Haven't seen you around here lately. What's new?"

They shrugged as they looked at each other and Jay sighed. "What?"

"What?" Spike asked innocently.

"Spike. I'm not stupid, you have that look on your face that says you want to say something but you won't. Your daughter got that from you apparently," he chuckled.

Snake smiled a sad smile, as he usually did when someone spoke his late daughter.

"It's just…well…how's Michelle?"

Jay paused, trying to figure out what was going on and then answered cautiously. "She's…fine. She's upstairs if you want to go see her."

"Alright I have to ask-"

"I knew it!"

"Why was Michelle walking home by herself the other day?"

"What?"

"We heard through the grapevine that Michelle was walking herself home until a certain red head saw her and picked her up."

"Ellie. Yeah," he finally conceded.

"Are you crazy? What are you doing letting her walk home by herself!?" Spike exploded.

"I don't! I told her to wait for me and she took off!!" Jay's voice rose in self-defense.

"Maybe if you actually showed up to care for your child she wouldn't have left!"

Jay grew deathly quiet at that and stared at them in contempt.

"Excuse me?"

Snake sighed and put his hand on Jays shoulder to calm him. "Jay, calm down son. We just happen to know that-"

"Happen to know that what? That I'm not the best father in the world? That I let my best friends care for my daughter when I'm not able to make it home from work in time? What's so wrong with that huh?"

"Nothing! It's just…well it's been happening a little more…frequently lately that's all."

"Well…I've been having some issues at work," he said.

"When's the last time you actually picked her up and had some quality time with your kid Jayson? We let her go home with you because we thought you could take care of your daughter!" Spike started, obviously upset.

"Why don't you just say what you came here to say huh?" he said softly as he glared at them.

"I don't think your responsible enough to care for your child! You let Alex and Paige take care of her and Ellie picks her up from school because she finds her running in the road and you act like you don't even care! And I know that you've been around town with various girls, I'm not stupid Jay. So what, these…these girls come before Michelle? They come before my daughters' child? I don't think so and I won't stand for it!"

"What do you want Spike?" he asked loudly as he stood up to face her.

"I want Michelle to come back and live with us!!" she yelled as Jay's face dropped and turned pale white.

"What?" he asked in a barely audible voice.

She stood there for a moment to catch her breath before speaking again. "I think it would be better for all of us if Michelle came to live with us again."

"For how long?"

"As long as it takes for you to grow up and become responsible enough for you take care of another person besides yourself! You're not even paying for this house Jay, your absent father is!"

His eyes widened and he stared at her. "Get out."

"Excuse me?" she stared back at him.

"Get out of my house right now. Without my daughter. How dare you come in here and accuse me of being a bad father!! You have no idea what my life is like!!"

"Well apparently it's not that bad from what I know-"

"GET THE FUCK OUT!!!!!!!!" he bellowed at them, seething.

Spike shut her mouth and glared at him with contempt before turning to go. "You know, I always told Emma that there were other people that were better for her out there in the world. I love it when I'm right."

* * *

Jay sighed as he sat outside and exhaled the smoke from his mouth as his daughter laughed and ran after the two boys, hair flying. She loved being able to play outside with them he realized. After Spike and Snake came by and he threw them out, he scooped up Michelle and held onto her like never before. He never wanted to let that little girl go, not if he could help it. Having something like her grandparents wanting to take her from him was a violent wake up call. He would be damned if anyone, ANYONE, touched his daughter. Three hours later and here they were, outside, him with a beer and cigarette just watching his daughter enjoy herself. Sure the other parents would sometimes shoot looks at him because he was so young, or he was never seen or even at the moment as he took a swig of Carona. He just gave up caring a while ago. He didn't give two shits what other people thought of him as a parent. All that mattered was that she knew that he loved her, case closed. The phone ringing in the house broke his empty stare and he shook his head as he got up to answer it.

"Yo," he said calmly as he answered.

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Ellie?"

"Well it's not the tooth fairy babe," he could hear her grinning through the phone.

He rolled his eyes before answering. "Nothing. I'm taking advantage of the good weather and watching Michelle outside while I knock back a few."

"Oh that's charming, I can only imagine what the other parents say about that."

"They're just jealous they don't roll like I do," he laughed.

"Mmm…you just said roll in a sentence that didn't pertain to food. I'm afraid for you Jay," she whispered dramatically while cracking up a split second later.

"Well you're in a good mood tonight Red. What gives?" he relaxed on the counter, looking over his shoulder at Michelle.

"Nothing. Just…happy I guess. And I want to take you and that little girl out. So I'm coming over."

"Take us out where?" he raised an eyebrow.

"To where every kid loves to go," she said simply.

"And what does that mean?"

"I dunno," she grinned as she hung up the phone.

"Damn it Ellie," he muttered. He hated surprises from her. They could range from things like tickets to a concert to surprise she had a flat on the side of a road. He sighed as he hung up the phone and grabbed another beer and headed outside to see an older man talking to his daughter and she was just laughing and swallowing whatever that pervert had to say up.

"HEY!" Jay yelled as he jumped off the steps and ran down the street. "Who the hell do you think you are?" he pushed the guy from behind without looking at him. "You don't fucking talk to little girls on the street! Especially when they're my daughter!"

"Daddy!"

"Not now Michelle," he said shortly.

"I thought her name was Emma," the older man said after a minute.

Jay grew white in the face as he whirled the man around, ready to attack him. "Who the fuck are you!?"

"Jay!" Ellie ran down the street, seeing the scene unfold. "What's going on?" she asked in a hurry as she scooped up Michelle.

"This guy was harassing my daughter on the street!! He was just talking to her and tickling her like it was something he did every God damn day! And now he knows her name…her first name," he said after a minute making eye contact with his friend.

"Well I think I should know her first name," the man said.

"Oh yeah? Give me one good reason for that," Jay said through clenched teeth.

"I'm her grandfather."

"Her what?" Ellie almost dropped the girl.

"It's me Jayson, it's me," the man said as Jay just looked at him suspiciously.

After a minute, Jay let go of the man's shirt and walked away muttering to himself. What the fuck was his father doing here, in front of his house, talking to his grand daughter that he had never met before?

"Dad…" the word sounded almost foreign in Jay's mouth as he said it and he just stared at the older man. The guy that had disappeared from his life after Emma had died, that said he'd give them a house as long as Jay went back to school at some point in his life and that was it. No phone calls, no visits, no cards…no nothing.

"Daddy? Who is that?" Michelle's small voice came from behind him.

"That's…your grandfather…" he said slowly.

"I thought Snake was my grandpa."

"Honey, that's your dad's Dad," Ellie said softly to her.

"What are you doing here?" Jay said softly.

"I thought it was time for a visit."

"And today just seemed like a great day? What?"

"Do we have to do this right now? On the street in front of everyone; your daughter?"

Jay turned around and looked at Ellie who immediately nodded her head and crouched down to the girls eye level.

"Hey Mitch, what about you and me go somewhere huh?"

"Where?" she cocked her head.

"It's a surprise," Ellie smiled as she walked up to Jay. "Chucky Cheese," she whispered as he nodded while letting a small smile emerge.

"She's big," Mike remarked as she walked away.

"She's six," was the retort.

Mike Hogart just sighed. "Jayson, I'm sorry ok? I'm sorry that I wasn't around for when she was little. But what do you want from me? I'm here now."

"You weren't around for a lot," he said as he turned and started walking back towards the house with his father hesitantly following him.

"She looks just like Emma you know," Mike said in an off hand remark in an attempt to ease the awkwardness.

"Yeah. I've been told."

"The house looks nice…"

Jay just turned to look at the older man. "Great, so you saw how nice the house is, you saw your granddaughter and we've made the awkward small talk. You've done your duty as my father, you're cool to leave."

"It's not like that Jayson."

"Oh really? Then tell me, what is it like? Because in the six years that I've had that little girl, I have never once thought about leaving her. And I have never once understood how you could leave your own children," he said quietly.

"Your mother wouldn't let me see you!" he protested in defense.

Jay just glared at him and shook his head. "Today Emma's parents came over and said they want Michelle to go live with them because they don't think I'm fit enough to be her father. Did I give up? Do you see Michelle living with them? No, because she's my child. I am her father and she's mine. No one is going to take her away from me or stop me from seeing her," Jay said heatedly.

Mike stared at him. He had never seen his son so passionate about something, let alone a little girl. "I guess I can understand how you feel…"

"Oh you guess you can? That's fantastic; congratulations to you."

"What do you want from me Jay?" he said using his sons nickname.

The younger man pursed his lips and looked away. "I don't know."


	13. Things that should be said

Chapter 13- Things that should be said

"Daddy, Grandpa wants to talk to you!" Michelle called out as she walked into the room.

Jay sighed and took the phone from her. "Hey Dad."

"She's a good kid you know," came his fathers voice.

"Yeah I know. I live with the brat," he said as he stuck his tongue out at his daughter who pouted when she heard that.

"I was wondering what she needed for school this year."

"What?"

"For school. She's going to be in the fourth grade this year right?"

"Yeah…what do you mean? Like clothes or something?"

"Well yeah."

"Dad don't worry. Between me, Alex, Paige, Ellie and the Simpson's we have it covered," he chuckled.

"I need to do something here Jayson. I'm her family too."

"Yeah I know…you kind of won't let me forget it. Look she doesn't need anything. If anything she would just love to see you."

"You know I can't just drop everything and-"

"Yeah you keep bringing that one up too," he sighed.

Four years ago when his father decided to become active in his daughters life he almost took his head off. After several nights of fighting with Alex and Ellie about it though he changed his mind. Maybe he would be able to redeem himself from his mistakes with himself and Rachel and actually become the grandfather that Michelle deserved. She adored the man enough, which was something that Jay was never quite able to figure out given the fact that he had only shown his face around the girl twice in the last four years. Once in a while he remembered her birthday or a Christmas card, but he did call at least three times a month to talk to her and as much as Jay hated his father he had to give him credit in that department. He was making an effort, which was something more than he did with his own two children.

"Dad she doesn't need anything, she's fine. We have it covered," he said as he hung up the phone.

"That's not true Daddy."

Jay turned to see his ten year old standing there with an accusing look on her face.

"Oh yeah? And what do you need?"

"A horse," she said matter of factly.

"A horse?" he asked as he pulled out a chair for her and she hopped up into it.

"Yep. A black one, just like Black Beauty."

"You've read that?"

"Ellie read it to me a while ago."

"Oh, so I can blame her for this horse fetish of yours then… Where would you keep it anyway?"

She shrugged. "I don't know; I just want one. I figured you'd help me out there."

He let out a laugh as Michelle swung her feet. "And how would I do that?"

"Well…you're my dad. So you could be a dad to the horse too. It can't be that hard."

Jay stared at his daughter and then closed his eyes and sighed as a smile slowly came on his face. For a precocious ten-year old, she knew how to be cute.

"Hello," a voice called out in the living room as Jay could hear the door shut behind the person.

"This is all your fault!" he called back.

"What did I do now?" she sighed as she came into the kitchen.

"Hey Mitch, tell Ellie want you want Grandpa to get for you."

She grinned. "A horse, a black one just like Black Beauty."

Ellie groaned while Jay just smirked at her. "That's right, your fault babe."

"Well how was I supposed to know that two years later she'd want a horse?!"

"Because she's ten Ellie," he said in a duh fashion.

She pouted for a minute then brightened. "So what's the countdown at?"

"Three days and still going," he rolled his eyes at the mention of Paige and Alex's wedding that they finally decided to have after four years of being engaged.

"You know I can't believe that you guys have a pool going either, that's just…well wrong!"

"Whatever, you're just mad that you didn't get in on it," he sighed as he got up.

"A pool? What's so bad about a pool Ellie?"

Ellie looked at the little girl and smiled patiently. "A pool is when a group of people get together and place a bet, or a guess with money, that something will happen before a certain day. Your dad and friends have one for Aunties' wedding."

"What's the guess?" she asked innocently.

"That Alex will kill Paige before they walk down the aisle," Jay said simply as he drank some orange juice.

"Why?"

"Because Paige is very girly and Alex…well Alex isn't. And I'm just saying, Eleanor, that it's only a matter of time."

"Well I think it's horrible," she crossed arms.

Jay was silent for a bit the opened his mouth. "What was your guess?"

"Two days ago," she said without thinking.

"HA!!!" he pointed triumphantly.

"You know Michelle, some days, I just hate your father," she said off hand to the little girl.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," she responded while putting her chin in her hand.

* * *

"Ellie?"

"Yes honey," Ellie looked up from the dinner she was cooking.

"I think…I think there's a boy at school who likes me," she said shyly.

"Oh really?" she smirked. "Does your father know?"

She shook her head, blond hair flying. "I'm afraid to tell him."

"Well you know Mitch, there are some things that your dad doesn't have to know."

She cocked her head to the side. "Really?"

"Mmhm. Just because he's your dad, doesn't mean he has to know _everything_."

"Like what?"

"Well…like this for instance. That's what I'm here for as well as Aunties. You and I both know how your father would react to this."

Michelle nodded her head solemnly. "He follows me around a lot and talks to me," she smiled.

"The boy? What's his name?"

"Jack," she smiled.

Ellie's smile faltered a bit as she realized that it was Emma's brother that was following her around and talking to her, not being a boy that liked her just being a friend…and an uncle.

"Do you…like…him back?" she bit her lip.

Michelle shrugged. "I don't know. He's nice and he's cute too. He makes me laugh and he sits with me at lunch when my friends go away."

"Well he sounds like a good guy."

"I think so too," Michelle said confidently as she started to walk away.

"Hey Michelle, how old is he?"

"Umm…12?"

* * *

"Ellie!" Spike embraced the girl in a hug as she opened the door.

"Hey Spike," she replied warmly.

"What brings you by?"

Ellie sighed as she sat down in the kitchen. "It's about Michelle. And Jack."

"I don't follow."

"Jack is friends with Michelle."

"Well of course, they've been around each other all their lives."

Ellie nodded. "Right and that's great. But…does Michelle know that Jack is her uncle?"

"What?"

She sighed. "Last night when I was watching her, she started talking to me about this boy that was 12 named Jack and how she thought that he liked her. How he made her laugh and sat with her at lunch and all that. She said she wasn't sure if she liked him back."

Spike sat back with her eyes wide. "Huh."

"Yeah, I felt the same trust me," Ellie laughed a little.

"Well I don't think we've ever…formally talked about it. She's just always been around him."

"I think it's time that talk was had Spike," Ellie said softly.

She sighed. "Well how does the subject get brought up?"

Ellie shrugged while looking at her with sympathy. "I do not envy you, I will say that."

"Well what about you and Jay? What's going on with you two?" Spike smiled at her.

Ellie looked away. "Nothing Spike. He's one of my best friends."

"Best friend? Nothing more than that huh?"

"Nope."

"Well that's a shame," Spike said softly while regarding the red head, who was not meeting the older woman's eyes.


	14. The backwards wedding

Chapter 14- The Backwards Wedding

"You know that Mitch thinks that Jack likes her right?"

Jay looked at Ellie, who was laying in his lap watching T.V. that night.

"What?"

"Your daughter thinks that her uncle is some that likes her. She has no idea that he is who he is."

"How the hell did you find that out?"

"She talked to me about it last night."

"She talked to you?"

"Yes. Me."

"Huh," was all he said.

"What? You think a little girl is going to talk to her father about someone who thinks likes her? Doubtful my friend, doubtful."

"Oh God, she is at that stage isn't she?"

"Hey, she's not going to go out with anyone for a few more years at least, so you still have that."

He made a face as he realized that his daughter was slowly growing up.

"Umm, who are you going to the wedding with tomorrow?" she asked tentatively.

He shrugged as though he didn't give it much thought. "Probably no one. Whatever."

"Well…do you…want to go? Like together?" she paused.

"Like a date?" he asked after a beat.

"Or you know…like whatever."

He looked down at the girl who was like his other half and currently avoiding his eyes while turning an attractive shade of red that matched her hair color. "Yeah…or whatever," he smiled softly.

He let his arm drop around her and started rubbing her arm lightly and she smiled a little bit as she subconsciously snuggled in closer to him. He chuckled a little bit as he looked fondly at her.

"Daddy?" a little voice whispered.

Jay rose his head slowly to see his daughter standing beside him.

"What baby?"

"Do you love Ellie?"

Ellie, eyes closed, struggled to control her smile but let a smirk slip out, hoping that Jay wouldn't see.

"What?"

"Well, I like her."

"That's good," he laughed.

"She could…"

"Could what?" he asked.

She looked at Ellie and then back at her dad and shook her head. "Nothing Daddy. Love you."

"Love you too baby girl."

"Love you Ellie," she said softly.

"Love you back," she whispered and Michelle giggled as she went upstairs.

"What was that about?" Jay asked in an accusing tone as his daughter disappeared.

"What? You think I planned that?"

Jay rose an eyebrow and she laughed in his face. "I'm not that clever and you know it."

"Yeah you are."

"Whatever," she said as she rolled away from him.

"What would you do if I said yes?" he asked after a minute in a quiet voice.

"Yes to what?"

"To what she asked! I'm not dumb, you were listening."

"Well…shit. I have no response to that," she laughed.

"Answer the question."

"Why Jay? Why do you want to know?"

He shrugged. "I'm a curious asshole?"

"Duh. But I don't care."

"Because I want to know El," he said making eye contact with her.

Her breath caught and she smiled a little bit and shrugged. "I don't know."

He broke contact and looked away while nodding a little bit. "Ok."

She sighed in relief.

"Up. I gotta take a piss."

"You are just so charming you know that?" she rolled her eyes.

"That's the story around town," he sighed as she sat up and fixed her hair.

"Oh yeah? What town is that?" she rolled her eyes and gave him a look but was cut off mid head turn by his lips on hers.

She jumped a little bit and he pulled back. "Sorry," he looked away. "Just…wanted to see what would happen."

"What did you think would happen?"

He shrugged. "Hell if I know."

She smiled at him as he looked away from her and she tugged on his t-shirt.

"What?" he looked at her and this time she met his lips. And neither one pulled away.

* * *

"I saw my dad kissing Ellie last night," Michelle remarked the next day with a face.

"Who's Ellie?"

She looked over at the boy. "She's like my mom. She's my dad's best friend and takes care of me."

"But she's not your mom."

"No, I told you my mom died."

"Duh. I know that. Well, are you ok with them?"

She shrugged. "I love Ellie. It was just weird to see my dad kiss her. I've known her since I was six and she was my mom's best friend in high school."

"I mean is it bad?"

She thought for a second. "Not…really. No."

"Well then I'm happy for your dad," he smiled at her.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

She was silent for a minute before opening her mouth again. "Do you…like me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you like me?"

"Like that??"

She shrugged. "I guess so. I don't know what it is…just more than a friend."

He laughed a little bit. "No I don't Mitch. And even if I did, that's gross."

"Why is it gross?"

"Because of your mom!"

She looked at him dumbly.

"What?" he asked self-consciously.

"What does my mom have to do with anything?" she asked quietly.

He held up his hands in defense. "Nothing! I loved your mom!"

"How did you know her?"

He just looked at her and then took hold of her hand and dragged her to his house.

"Mom!!" he hollered.

Spike came out of the kitchen and smiled to see her grand daughter. "Hi honey, what's up?"

"How does Jack know my mom?"

She stopped dead and stared at Jack who shrugged. "I thought she knew," he said before he went into the kitchen.

"Sweetheart, Jack's my son."

"I know."

"And your mom was my daughter."

"Wait…does that make Jack…"

"Your uncle."

Michelle sat in silence for a second. "How come I didn't know that?" she asked softly.

"We just thought that you knew honey. We weren't trying to keep it from you."

"I wanna go home," she said as she got up.

"I'll take you," Spike said as she got up to get her keys.

"No! I can go alone, I'm not a little girl," she snapped at her grand mother who was frozen on the spot and staring that girl.

"O…k…" she replied hesitantly unsure of how to deal with it. "Can I call your dad at least?"

"No," she said as the door slammed behind her.

* * *

"You look beautiful."

She smiled and kissed her partner. "We so won that pool you know."

"Wait, isn't it bad luck for the bride to see the…well the other bride before the ceremony?" Jay asked as he came up with Ellie.

"Please. And by the way, fork over that money for the pool."

"What!?"

"Oh do you really think we didn't pick out a day? You don't know us at all do you?" Alex said as she tapped his cheek lightly before walking away.

"I hate her!" Jay said in exasperation as he threw up his hands to walk away.

"Jay!"

"What Paige?"

She pulled him over by his collar. "If you hurt her, I will hurt you."

"Uh, I'm pretty Alex could kill me. Don't worry," he said giving her a weird look.

"I'm not talking about her dumb ass," she hissed as she moved his face so he was looking at Ellie who was laughing with Manny.

"Ellie?"

"I'm not dumb Jayson. I know that you two have feelings for each other. And you are a better man than you used to be so help me God if I find you hurt her-"

"Jesus Paige! Can you make mob threats to me? Don't you have a wife to get married to?" he glared at her before walking away.

"What was that about?" Alex said as she walked up.

"He's so blind. He loves her and has no idea," she shook her head.

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Were you expecting different?"

* * *

"Michelle! There you are honey!" Ellie said as she walked slowly up to the older woman. "Why aren't you dressed yet?"

"Where's my dad?"

"I have no idea. Come on, let's go," she said as she gently tugged on Michelle's hand but she ripped it away, leaving Ellie stunned.

"Dad!" Michelle said a little loud as she walked up to her father.

"Michelle…" he said in a warning tone.

He had heard her mad at someone before and she sounded just like him; he could tell it was the calm before the storm.

"I need to talk to you."

"Outside," he said jerking his head.

"You lied to me," she said right off the bat.

"What?"

"You never told me about Jack."

He sighed. "You've been with him since you were born Michelle, we thought you would have put together the pieces by now!"

"I started to like him Dad!"

He closed his eyes. "You are ten years old. You have no idea what you like. And why do you sound like you're fifteen? Stop it!"

"I'm mad at you," she snarled at him.

"Fine. Go get dressed. Be mad at me but so help me if you fuck up Alex and Paige's wedding little girl," he said as he pointed inside.

She stomped past Ellie who was standing at the door, watching her friend.

"What was that?"

"Well now she knows about Jack. And guess what? Apparently he was becoming a special little…crush of hers," he sighed.

"Oh Jay," she groaned.

"My family is so fucked up," he half joked.

"Well you're not boring," Ellie nodded.

He gave her a half smile and she returned it as he intertwined his fingers with hers.

"Do we have to go back in there?" he muttered in her ear.

"Yes…"

"I'm so tired of kissing people asses," he groaned.

"You're doing fine," she rolled her eyes. "Besides, you're the best man. Imagine this wedding without you."

"Who has the reception before the wedding? That is not done, unheard of!!"

"Yeah well…they like to be…different."

"You can't cut the cake before you get married you know," Manny's voice came from the side.

"Thank you! Will you tell those two that?!"

"Uhh…no. I'm good."

Ellie smiled softly as she pulled on Jay's hand before walking away. "Dance with me," she said lowly.

He watched her walk away and Manny poked him.

"I'm glad you realized it finally. It took you four years."

"Realized what?"

"That you love her."

"What? No I don't," he said as he left.

"You're a horrible liar Jay," she called after him.

He looked over the shoulder with a glare and a subtle finger was given by him.

"Good to see you haven't changed though!" she laughed.

"Never," he grinned.


	15. Emma

Chapter 15- Emma

"Jay."

The man rolled over to see a blond haired beauty lying next to him and his breath caught in his throat.

"Em…"

"It's been a while," she smiled at him.

He averted his eyes. "I know, I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I'm glad that you were able to move on finally, you know I wouldn't have wanted you to just sit around missing me. Oh it was nice for a while, don't get me wrong but after a while…I started to feel bad."

"I miss you so much," he breathed out.

She smiled softly at him, love in her eyes. "I know you do babe."

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"About what?" she cocked her head.

"Ellie…"

She laughed. "Why are you sorry about that?"

"She was your best friend and then I kissed her and…well I don't even know what the fuck we are right now…"

"Jay it's ok. I knew that you were going to move on, I wanted you to. And to be honest, if it had to be anyone, I'm glad it is Ellie."

"Then why do I feel so bad?" he asked softly.

"Because you love me."

"I always will."

"And you love her."

He grew silent at that. He had never explored those thoughts and feelings inside of himself but when Emma said right then, it was like a truck hit him. He did love Ellie. More than just a best friend, more than as Michelle's aunt, but as someone he wanted to settle down with.

"No," he denied it.

She gave him a look. "Jay I'm not dumb."

"It shouldn't have happened. I didn't even think about Michelle in all of this-"

"She's fine. It's you that I'm worried about."

"Me."

"You. It's been ten years Jay and when was the last time you were honestly happy?"

He thought for a second. "Probably when Michelle was born."

"I rest my case. Be with Ellie, she's good for you. And don't worry about me. I know that you love me, and I know that you always will. But you are too young to just give up like this."

"Give up? What? If you haven't noticed I've dated other girls thank you very much."

"You really call what you did dating other girls? I call it regression to high school. But whatever helps you sleep at night."

"I love you Emma," he said softly as he closed his eyes.

"I know you do. And I love you Jay. I always will."

When he opened his eyes again, she was gone

* * *

.

"Do you think I'm like…betraying Emma by being in love with her ex?"

"No El, I don't. I think she's happy that someone finally loves him like she did," Manny said as she smoothed the girls hair.

"Then why do I feel like shit?"

"Because she was your best friend. And you're a good friend to have Nash."

"I feel like I should go talk to her."

Manny sighed. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"No it's alright. Besides isn't James with a sitter tonight?"

Manny shrugged. "I don't care. If you need me there with you El-"

"It's ok Manny. But thank you," she said as she cut her friend off. "I'll call you later ok?"

The Latina got up and kissed her cheek as she left and Ellie sighed. She looked around the otherwise deserted room and her eyes stopped on a pair of black sneakers underneath a tablecloth. She sighed and smiled as she pulled the cloth up to reveal Michelle, sleeping.

"Michelle," she whispered as she gently shook the girl.

"Go away, no school," she mumbled.

"It's time to go home babe."

Her eyes opened groggily and she sat up slowly.

"Ellie?"

"Come on," she said as she extended her hand.

"Do I have to go home?"

"Why don't you want to go home?"

"Because I'm mad at Dad."

"About what Princess?"

"He lied to me. He never told me that Jack was my uncle."

"He never said that he wasn't though either Michelle. Everyone thought that you would have known by now. We didn't lie to you."

"Well it feels like you did," she pouted. "He's not old like Aunties, how was I supposed to know?"

"No he's not. But he is your mom's little brother. Not all uncles and aunts have to be my age honey."

"Well it would help!"

She chuckled as she got to her car and Michelle climbed in.

"Ellie?"

"What?"

"Do you love my dad?"

"Of course I do!"

"No…like I was starting to like Jack."

"Like more than a friend?"

She nodded and Ellie sighed. "Yes."

"I think he likes you too," Michelle said happily.

"Oh yeah? And why are you so happy about it?"

"Because then you could be my mommy number two."

Ellie's eyes grew huge and she had to resist the urge to slam her foot on the break. To hear Michelle say that she could be her other mother was like a slap in the face for her. She was in love with her best friend, who had a child with her other best friend; his girlfriend. And now the little girl was telling her it was ok for her to be a mom when she was twenty eight…that was not something that she expected to hear out of a ten year olds mouth!

"Ellie?"

"What?" she asked in a strained voice.

"Are you ok? You got all white and stuff."

Ellie blinked back her tears that were gathering in her eyes and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine," she said as she pulled up to Jay's house and shut off the engine.

* * *

A knock on the door sounded and Jay shook his head to clear the fog that was gathering in his mind. He knew that he had just seen Emma, he wasn't drunk and stopped doing drugs before Michelle was born. He just didn't know how he'd seen her.

"Ellie? What are you… Michelle!!"

"She was still at the hall when I left. I figured you had no idea and thought that someone else had grabbed her," she shrugged.

"Yeah something like that," he said as he glared at his daughter who slunk upstairs.

"She was not happy with you," Ellie chuckled as Jay shut the door and rubbed his eyes.

"Who really is these days?" he muttered.

She cocked her head. "Penny for your thoughts?"

He took a deep breath. "I saw…Emma. Tonight."

"What?" she stared at him. She knew that Jay had gone to Emma's grave for years and talked to her, hell she found him once there herself. But talking to her and seeing her…two completely different things.

"I don't know how it happened. I was lying on the couch watching TV and the next thing I know is she's lying next to me telling me it was ok…"

"What was ok?"

"Nothing. But I mean I wasn't drunk or anything…"

Ellie sat down in a kitchen chair. "That's weird…I was going to see her tonight. What did she tell you was ok?"

"Just…stuff between me and you," he said offhand.

"Do you feel bad?" she blurted out.

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Yes."

"Oh God me too," she laughed.

"But that's what I'm saying. She told me it was ok, that she wanted me to be happy and I've waited long enough for it. She also told me if it had to be anyone, she was glad it was you."

"Really?"

He nodded. "Trust me, I feel like shit. I mean you were her best friend and now here I am just fa-" he stopped himself before finishing the word.

"What?" she asked with a confused look on her face.

He looked at her and took a deep breath before continuing. "You were her best friend and here I am, just falling in love with you," he said quietly.

Her eyes popped open and she stared at him. "Excuse me?" she whispered.

"You heard me."

"I think my hearing just went. One more time," she said with a stormy look in her eyes.

He pursed his lips and looked away before looking back at her and taking her hand. He intertwined their fingers and looked at them for a second before speaking again softly.

"I'm falling in love with you."

She stared at him as she started to cry.

"Oh shit…" he immediately let go of her hand and started to get up but she pulled him back down.

"I was going to talk to Emma tonight because I feel like a horrible person for being in love with you," she explained.

* * *

a/n: soo here's the thing. i kind of have written out how i want this story to go and i was going to take it up until michelle was 18. but when i finished this chapter i felt like it would be a good close for this story and then to start another one, kind of like a trilogy. or i could just keep going with this one like i was going to all along. so i'm asking y'all, my faithful readers, your opinions. if i keep going i'm going to jump to when michelle is 13 soon, and if i start a new one, it's going to pick up where this one left off and i would write it just like i never stopped this one pretty much. but i have no idea what to do. sooo as a christmas gift to me (lol) help??? lol -nikki 


	16. But I wanted a miniEmma!

Chapter 16- "I wanted a mini Emma!"

Michelle squared her jaw and stared at the boy with contempt as Jack came up beside her.

"What's going on?" he asked her lowly.

Jack and Michelle had always been close, save for that time when she thought she liked him three years ago, and most of his time in school was spent keeping her out of her trouble. She had a temper similar to Jay's and when someone pissed her off, they knew if Jack wasn't there to hold her back that she'd beat the crap out of them.

"I don't know. Ask him," she sniffed in his direction.

Jack rolled his eyes and went to the boy that seemed vaguely familiar.

"What's going on man?"

He shrugged. "Nothing. I just told her that she shouldn't say shit about my mother when she's never had one."

Jack drew up to full height then and looked at him before turning back to Michelle.

"Oh if you think you can handle this better than I can," she waved her hands in a go ahead fashion.

"Look just watch your mouth alright?" Jack said as he started to walk away.

"Why?"

"Excuse me?" Michelle jumped in.

"Well I mean it's the truth, so why should I not say it?"

The teenage girl closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she muttered incoherent things to herself to keep calm.

"You think that makes you bad ass or something to say shit about people's family?"

"It ain't shit if it's true Simpson," he leered at the boy.

"Yeah well you're a fucking shit," Michelle said lowly as he walked up to the boy and punched him in the stomach.

"Michelle!!" Jack yelled as he grabbed her and pulled her back.

"What? What the fuck am I supposed to do here Jack?! Just let him say things about my mom? I don't think so."

"I know Mitch, I know! She was my sister ok?"

"Yeah well at least one of us defends her huh?" she snapped at him before walking away.

* * *

"Do not grow up like your mother, please…don't grow up like your mother."

"Excuse you!"

Jay looked up from the baby he was holding innocently. "What?"

"You better specify!"

He thought for a second and then looked back down. "Either one. Don't be like either one of them."

"Jayson!"

He just grinned as Paige came to take the child from him and he swiped a Coke from the fridge.

"So apparently the apple doesn't fall from the tree," he said off hand a few minutes later.

"Are you still talking about my daughter?" Paige glared at him.

"I'm talking about mine."

Alex looked at him. "What happened?"

He sighed as he sat back. "She got into a fight today at school."

"What kind of fight? Like…your kind of fight?"

"Yep. Punched him right in the stomach."

"Was it worth it?"

"Why are you asking me this? Do I look like Michelle?" he spread his arms wide.

"Fine! What happened?"

"Apparently some kid was saying shit about Emma and Michelle lost it. Jack tried to calm her down but it didn't work."

"And she punched him."

He nodded his head.

"Well…I'd say it was worth it."

"She got into this same fight when she was like…six!" Paige spoke up suddenly. "I remember, you were away on construction or something and Alex had to pick her up and the principal tried to hit on her."

"Oh yeah, forgot about him," she laughed. "He wasn't that cute anyway."

"That's great, that's just…great," he sighed. "She's like a mini me. I wanted a mini Emma."

"Well that's Jack. It's good thing they're best friends."

"Yeah well they're both in detention this afternoon. She's only thirteen!"

"And what were you doing when you were thirteen Jayson?" Alex cocked her head at him.

He glared at her. "I wanted a mini Emma!" he repeated.

"But then she wouldn't be Michelle," another voice spoke up as Ellie walked into the room and bent down to kiss Jay hello.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her.

"Oh I have the day off."

He looked at with wide eyes for a second before pulling on her hand pulling her into his lap. "Have I told you how beautiful you are today baby?"

She laughed. "No, you haven't and I'll take the bait. What do you want?"

"Well the principal said he needs to speak with me-"

"Well I'm not you. Sorry."

"But you're-"

"Not Michelle's mother. I don't think they'd let me."

"You're practically a mother to her, you've been around since she was six! Living with us for two years…"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I hate you."

"I love you too El," he grinned.

Ellie turned to Alex. "I don't know how you put with him all those years ago…"

Alex laughed. "Oh I was dumb and stupid. I have no idea what you're doing."

Jay picked up a bottle cap and threw it at her.

"Hey, lady with a baby here!"

"Technicality woman!" he yelled back her and she stuck out her tongue and grinned.

* * *

"Emma Nelson-Hogart-"

"It's Michelle."

The man looked at her.

"It's Michelle Nelson-Hogart. Emma was my mom's name," she explained quietly.

"Right, your mother; the reason we're here today…"

"I'm late, sorry," Ellie breathed out as she breezed in through the door and sat down without looking at Michelle.

"I'm sorry who are you?" the principal asked politely.

"Eleanor Nash, one of her Michelle's guardians," she said as she sat back and let her purse drop to her feet.

"I asked to speak to her father-"

"And he sends his apologies as to he can't make it. But I will be sure to let him know everything that went on," Ellie went on, finally letting a side long glance at Michelle take place followed by a slight wink and Michelle relaxed.

"I take it that he informed you as to why this meeting was called?" he crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

"Vaguely, I'm sure you could do better."

"Well it seems here that Michelle punched a boy in the stomach today after he made a remark about her mother. I'm well aware of the situation concerning her mother and frankly, I will not allow violence of any kind in this school."

"What exactly did the boy say?"

"I don't see how that matters," he pursed his lips.

"It would humor me, that's how."

"Pretty much he said that since I don't have a mother I can't crack 'your mom' jokes," Michelle jumped in. "And then when Jack showed up, like he always does, he told the kid to watch his mouth and not to talk trash and he said that it wasn't trash if it was true."

"So you punched him because he agreed that your mother was dead?" Ellie raised an eyebrow.

"He was such a di-jerk about it Ellie!" she exclaimed.

She sighed. "We'll talk about this at home with your father."

"That sounds fun," she muttered, ignoring Ellie's slit eyes.

"This meeting was called to call to your attention Ms. Nelson-Hogart's behavior and how it will not be tolerated. She, along with her cousin-"

"Uncle," they both said at the same time.

The principal just sighed and looked at them. "Michelle along with Jack, will be in detention today and tomorrow for this stunt. Please see to it at home that her behavior is fixed and we don't have this problem again."

"We surely will," she smiled a tight smile.

He nodded his head to dismiss the girls and they got up.

"You can't be mad at me about this," was the first thing that Michelle said as they stepped outside.

"Oh no?"

"No. If you were there and you heard how he said it Ellie…you would have done the same thing."

"No, I wouldn't have Michelle."

"Oh really?" she crossed her arms.

"Really," Ellie said as she dug around in her purse for a cigarette.

"Weren't you and my mom best friends?"

"Yeah we were, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to belt someone every time they bring her up."

"So you're telling me to just walk away from someone when they insult my family…my dead mother?? Ha!" she spun around on her heel and started walking towards Ellie's car.

"I'm telling you to be mature and not get into the same fight you got into when you were six!"

Michelle spun around and glared at the red head. "At least I defended her honor. What is it with all you people; you and Jack? You guys just want to act like nothing was said? Well guess what, it was said. That was my mother they were talking about and as long as I can stop them from saying shit, I will. It's the least I could do for her. Case closed."

"Get in the car Michelle," Ellie said through clenched teeth.

"Well I wasn't going to walk home, thanks," she bit back as she got in.

Ellie got in, sighed with her eyes shut for a moment, ignoring the stare she could feel on her. When she opened them again, she calmly started the car and then found an old 30 Seconds to Mars song and blared it all the way home.

* * *

a/n: just in case some people were confused, alex and paige adopted a baby. i decided to throw that one in there...it might come back later on...hint hint. lol. :) -nikki 


	17. Conversations with 13 year old self

Chapter 17- Conversations with my 13 year old self

"Sit down," Ellie pointed at the table as soon as the walked in.

Jay turned around when he heard that and glanced at Ellie. Very rarely did Ellie rear the discipline in the house, not that it mattered to him either way, and when she did…something good must have happened.

"Dad, if someone was talking shit about Mom, what would you do?"

"Watch your mouth," he pointed at her and she rolled her eyes. "What are you talking about?"

She sighed. "This kid was saying trash about Mom and I hit him. Ellie's yelling at me for it and I mean, no one else seems to want to defend her or anything!"

Jay sighed and sat down at the table.

"You are just like me you know that?"

Ellie just started laughing when she heard that and Michelle gave her a dirty look.

"No, you really are though. That's what funny; I'm glad that now your father gets to see how charming he was when he was younger," she said as she sat down next to her boyfriend.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

He nodded and smiled. "I would have knocked the fuck out of them if they said anything about Emma," he said quietly. "But I was young then. I grew up and that's something you're going to have to do. I wasn't exactly the best person when I was younger; I was into drinking and drugs. If you want the real low down, ask Ellie or your aunt about a ravine," he smirked as Ellie slapped him upside the head.

"You're an asshole," she muttered to him. "That's not the point here Mitch. The point is that your dad would have knocked them out. But you're going to hear this stuff your entire life. Your mom was the classic do-gooder around her and everyone knew her. Your father…well let's just say not so much."

"Oh I was pretty much feared," he nodded and smiled. "We were complete opposites. And you will always get shit for me being your father because people know who I am and they remember me. And you better believe they will compare you to your mother or me…good and evil. But you can't just swing at everyone Michelle. You have to learn how to just walk away. It's not easy and it sucks because you feel like you let her down, I know…but it's what she would want."

"I can't just do that though Dad! I mean you should hear what they say-"

"And who the fuck cares?" he cut her off. "Why do you care what they think about your mother? The people that matter won't say anything. And the ones that open their mouths, aren't worth your fight."

"How long did it take before you stopped fighting them?" she fired at him.

"Maybe…three years or so."

"Alright then," she said as she got up and left the table.

Ellie and Jay looked at each other for a minute. "What the hell does that mean?" he finally asked and she just shook her head.

* * *

"Hey."

Michelle looked up blankly from the television later that night to see her aunt standing in the doorway.

"Dad's not here," she said blandly.

"I know."

"Ellie's with him."

Alex nodded as she took off her shoes. "Are you hungry?"

"What?" the teenager gave the woman a weird look.

"Are you hungry? Because I would kill for some pizza right now," she offered up a small smile.

Michelle shrugged nonchalant as she went back to pretending to ignore her.

"So what's up? I feel like we haven't talked in a while."

"Same things, different day," she said borrowing her dad's saying as Alex laughed.

"You are thirteen my dear, you can not say that for at least another seven years."

"So if you know Ellie and Dad aren't here…"

Alex sighed. "I heard about school."

"So did the rest of the world. What's your point?"

Alex put down her pizza dusted off her hands. "I know that you've heard you're like your father right?"

"Apparently."

"What do you know about him?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you know about your dad? From when he was your age."

She shrugged as if the thought had never occurred to her.

"I don't see how it matters," she mumbled. "I'm not him, I never will be."

"What?"

"I don't want to be like him!"

Alex sat back for a second and took a look at the girl that sat in front of her. She seemed so lost and broken, yet hard and tough and knew exactly what she wanted.

"What's going on here Mitch?"

"Nothing."

She sighed. "I know you know that your dad and I are best friends…but I don't tell him everything you tell me. What good would that do?" she smirked.

"Oh really?"

"Really."

"So what would you have done this afternoon?"

"Well…your parents are right here babe-"

"Ellie's not my parent," she spat out.

Alex stopped and regarded her again. "What's up with you and El?"

"She's not my mother. She never will be and I wish she would just stop trying!" she exploded.

"She's not trying to be Michelle. She loves you, just like I love, how Paige loves you-"

"But you guys are my parents! I remember you always being there. She used to be my mom's best friend and she's shacking up with her boyfriend? What kind of a best friend would do that?" she crossed her arms.

"That was a really hard decision to make for both of them you know. They both felt horrible, like they were betraying Emma. It took them a while to actually start dating."

"Well they were betraying her. The best friend isn't supposed to chase after the boyfriend! Who does that?"

"Bug…why are you so angry about all this?" she asked as she leaned back against the couch with a soda.

"Because they both seem completely content to do nothing and keep pretending like they're married and my mother never existed."

"You know, me and your mother hated each other," Alex said suddenly.

"What?" Michelle shook her head to try and keep up with her aunt.

She nodded her head. "Ohh yeah. We got into this epic fight one year where she kneed me in the face," she laughed. "You know, looking back now, I don't even know why we hated each other. I guess I thought she was too pristine or something and she thought I was just bad. I was dating your father at the time and quite frankly, I didn't give two shits about anything or anyone."

"You dated Dad? But you're married to Paige!"

"Oh we used to hate each other too," she threw in and laughed as Michelle looked confused.

"I've known your father for a long time. We started dating when we were like…fifteen or so I think. Long story short, there was a time period where he cheated on me and hooked up with a lot of girls in the ravine by the school and I found out. Your mother was one of them, by the way. A random outbreak of gonorrhea changed a lot of things around. I started to hang out more with Marco and Paige, who I started working with and your dad just kind of drifted. I used to think Paige was a stuck up princess that was just a total bitch, which she was, but then we started working together and blah blah blah and found out each other wasn't that bad and well…you know the rest of the story."

"Can we go back to you and Mom fighting?" Michelle asked after a minute.

Alex smiled softly. "Oh I hated your father and mother dating, not gonna lie but I tried to break them up. Obviously, it didn't pan out. Jay found out about you when we were still dating and didn't really tell me about it so I flipped out when it all went down. Long story short, I started sleeping with his best friend at the time, Sean, and I kicked him out of his own house and changed the locks."

"Wow. You were kind of a bitch," Michelle laughed.

"Like I said, me and Emma…we didn't get along," she laughed. "I found your mother one day in the hallway late to class and I started saying something to her and her water broke. I remember I thought she was faking it and hey what do you know, she wasn't. That was the one time your mother and me got along. I helped her that day; I ran and got Manny and Ellie and I called your father and got him to come back from California." She smiled slightly. "I remember Manny freaked out when she saw me with her and your mother yelled at her something like we would never get along again and not to ruin the moment."

"Then what?"

She shrugged. "I stepped back. I felt weird helping the girl that I despised that was having my ex's baby. After you were born and Emma…well you know, I started coming around here a little. I felt horrible for treating her the way that I did and I know that your dad really loved her, I could tell. I ended up staying around because well for one, your father was trying to feed you food you couldn't eat and two…it just felt like home to me. I never had a good family situation when I was younger and being here with you and your dad, well it just felt right. And here I am.

"Your dad and Ellie, they will never pretend your mother didn't exist. She changed that boy in ways that even baffle me still. And Ellie…she was the best friend. Her and Manny. She will never forget your mother, ever. She doesn't want to be your mother Mitch, she knows she never will be. She does love you though, loves you just as much as the rest of us do. Trust me, Paige read her the riot act quite a bit when she first came back. She wouldn't be around if we thought she was doing something wrong."

"It just…sucks you know?"

"What does?"

Michelle sighed. "I hate that I don't even know her. At school all these girls talk about their moms…and I can't. I know I have you, Paige and even Ellie, but you're not my mom you know?"

"I wish I could say that it got easier. It doesn't though. I used to get into epic battles with my mother. She used to date all these horrible guys that would steal from us, or were alcoholics; you name it I'm pretty sure my mother found them and dated them. I know that we're not your mom Michelle, but you know that we think of you like our own right?"

"No you don't."

Alex cocked her head to the side.

"No, I'm your best friends daughter."

"That doesn't mean that I can't love you like you were a part of my family. To me, you are my family. My family consists of Paige, your father, Ellie and you. Oh and Samantha," she said as she referenced the new born that her and Paige had just adopted.

Michelle just looked down at the pizza and picked the pepperoni off it without saying anything for a minute.

"I wish you could help me," she said softly.

"Help you with what?"

She shrugged. "Just…feel better. Why does being thirteen have to suck so much? I don't really have any friends at school, none of the boys even look in my direction…"

"Well…now you know that you're not alone. None of us had charmed childhoods kid. Your father and I were hoodlums, Ellie…well I'll let her tell you about her stories and Paige was always the head cheerleader with problems. Whatever you're going through, we've been there Bug."

Michelle just looked at her aunt as though seeing her for the first time, after all the stories she told her tonight, and just curled up closer to her on the couch.

* * *

"Alex?" Ellie asked as she walked into the living room later that night.

She looked up and waved and pointed to her lap where Michelle had fallen asleep.

"What are you doing here?"

She smiled. "Thought my niece needed to know some things."

"What did you tell her?" Jay asked as he came up behind Ellie and put an arm around her waist.

"Nothing. Oh…well I did tell her that I used to be a bitch when you were dating Emma. And how she kneed me in the face one year."

"Oh God…she didn't ask you about the ravine did she?" he closed his eyes. "This afternoon we told her if she wanted to know what I used to be like, to ask you about a ravine."

Alex laughed. "I vaguely told her. Don't worry though, I'm pretty sure she won't hold you to it."

"She better not," he said as he glared at her.

_You're angry_

_I know this_

_The world couldn't care less_

_You're lonely_

_I feel this_

_And you wish you were the best_

_No teachers_

_Or guidance_

_And you always walk alone_

_You're crying_

_At night when_

_Nobody else is home_

_Come over here and let me hold your hand and hug you darling_

_I promise you that it won't always feel this bad_

_There are so many things I want to say to you_

_You're the girl I used to be_

_You little heartbroken thirteen year old me_

_You're laughing_

_But you're hiding_

_God I know that trick too well_

_You forget_

_That I've been you_

_And now I'm just the shell_

_I promise_

_I love you and_

_Everything will work out fine_

_Don't try to_

_Grow up yet_

_Oh just give it some time_

_The pain you feel is real you're not asleep but it's a nightmare_

_But you can wake up anytime_

_Oh don't lose your passion or the fighter that's inside of you_

_You're the girl I used to be_

_The pissed off complicated thirteen year old me_

_Conversations with my thirteen year old self_

_Conversations with my thirteen year old self_

_Until we meet again_

_Oh I wish you well oh_

_I wish you well_

_Little girl_

_Until we meet again_

_Oh_

_I wish you well_

_Little girl_

_I wish you well_

_Until we meet again_

_My little thirteen year old me_

* * *

a/n: i love this song and when i heard it, i knew i had to use it somehow lol. i don't know why, but i figured that alex would be able to talk the most sense into michelle and she would talk to her like an adult, not like a 13 year old you know? plus, i also think this song would relate well to alex and michelle. :) 2 in 1 night, woo and hoo! lol 


	18. Plotting the takedown p 1

Chapter 18- Plotting the takedown p. 1

"I can't believe she punched him."

"I know!! She is such a bitch," the red head said as she applied lip gloss.

"Well she's not going to get away with it."

"What do you mean?"

Her friend just smirked and pulled out a marker and walked into a stall.

"Kerri, what are you doing?" she asked as she followed her into the stall.

"Silentblond145 for a good time."

"What?"

"Melissa, come one. That's her screen name, duh," she laughed.

"So you're going to put her screen name all over the bathroom? What is that supposed to do?" Melissa asked.

"This is high school; think about it," Kerri smirked as she entered the next stall.

"Michelle Nelson-Hogart is a lesbian with mommy issues," Melissa read as she wrote.

"Well that was fun," she sighed as she fixed her hair and walked out of the bathroom.

Melissa looked at the writing in the stalls, bit her lip and against her better judgment followed her best friend out.

* * *

Michelle brushed her hair out of her face and looked up to squint in the sunlight. Lunch time, the hardest period for her. She had no real friends in school besides Jack and he ate lunch with his friends from whatever sport he played. But today, today was different. Standing in front of her was Pierce Gragg; otherwise known as the boy that Michelle had a huge crush on and never had the guts to talk to.

"You're Michelle right?"

She nodded her head, sandwich hanging in her hand.

"I'm Pierce," he sat down next to her.

"I know," she said as she looked at him and then back down at the fascinating stair in front of her. "So, not to be blunt or anything…but why are you eating with me? I mean you run with Kerri and them…"

He shrugged. "It's nice to have a break sometimes."

"What, pretty people drama isn't your thing?" she cracked.

He snorted. "That's what I watch TV for."

She smiled at him and he smiled back at her and she relaxed a little bit.

"Why do you eat alone?"

Michelle just shrugged. "I don't really have any close friends that go here besides Jack. Whatever though, it's just school."

"Huh. Well that must suck," he said as she ate some chips.

She nodded and rolled her eyes. "It kind of does."

"Oh hey, I'm sorry about Tommy."

She looked at him and cocked her head. "Who?"

"The kid that you beat the shit out of the other day…"

"Oh. It's not your fault he's an asshole. Is it?" she asked after a second.

He laughed. "Uhh no, that one's not mine."

"Then don't worry about it. You didn't make him do it."

"How do you know?"

"What?" she looked at him harshly.

He put his hands up in defense. "I was just kidding…"

Her face grew kind of red and she ducked her eyes again. "Sorry. It's just a…"

"Touchy subject."

"Yeah. Something like that."

He finished his chips and then got up. "Well I'll catch you around Michelle. Take it easy," he smiled at her as he left.

"You too," she said as he left.

These were the times when Michelle wished she had a close girlfriend to talk to. She had this funny feeling that Jack would just not be interested.

* * *

"What the hell did Gragg want this afternoon?" Jack asked on the way home.

"What?"

"Gragg."

"Pierce?"

He looked at her closely for a second and then laughed.

"What?!"

"Holy shit!! You like him!!"

"I do not!"

"Yeah ok Mitch," he made a face. "Just be careful ok?"

"What are you talking about? He sat down for like five minutes today. We're not going to go like elope or something," she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah well I know his friends. Kerri Woodern is a bitch and you know it. So watch out."

"I'll be fine Jack," she pushed him.

"Good. I can't be suspended for some asshole touching my niece," he said as he started to run.

"Jack Nelson!!!" she yelled as she chased him.

If there was one thing that Michelle hated, it was Jack reminding her that he was her uncle; especially at school.

* * *

Michelle sat and stared at the computer screen with her eyes wide. She had signed on to instant messaging about ten minutes ago and ever since then, about ten messages popped up calling her a skank, a slut, a lesbian, a loner and ugly.

"What's up?" Jay asked as he walked in the room and saw his daughter just staring at the computer screen.

"Nothing," she said as she snapped the screen off.

He stopped midway across the room and regarded her carefully. "And I believe that one…why?"

She gave him a look. "Can I have any privacy?"

"Excuse you?"

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"In case you've forgotten Michelle, this is my house. You're how old?"

"Old enough."

"Yeah…ok," he snorted and walked out of the room.

She watched him walk out of the room and then snapped the screen back on with more insults being typed at her.

"What the hell?" she muttered to herself. She had no idea who these people were, or how they got her screen name.

"Mitch?"

She whirled around to see Ellie standing behind her looking at the screen. They matched eyes for a second and Ellie could see that Michelle didn't want to talk about it and she sighed before looking away.

"Ellie-"

"Who are these people?"

She stared at her for a moment, determined to keep silent but eventually broke when Ellie kept her glare on her.

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean I don't know Ellie! What, you think I just let people call me names like that?? That I'm friends with those people?"

"No, Michelle I never-"

"You have no idea what I go through at school!! The only friend I have is Jack and he's off with his friends half the time, and I can't blame him! So how did my screen name get around? Why are people calling me a lesbian, a slut and dike? Gee, wish I knew," she snapped as she ran up to her room.

"What was that?"

"Take a look at this," Ellie motioned to the screen.

Jay leaned over and started reading, his expression hardening by the second.

"Who are these people?"

"She doesn't know."

He stood up and nodded silently while screwing up his face. "Great. I wanted better for her, I wanted her to have more fun…"

"You wanted her to have what you didn't. Kids are cruel Jay."

"Yeah, I might be thirty one but I'm not dumb Ellie. I remember what I used to do. I remember dumping paint on the crazy kid with Alex and Spinner. I just…didn't want her to have to go through that."

"Well what now?" she asked softly as she put an arm around his waist.

He sagged into her. "We can't do anything."

"What do you mean?"

"Finding out who these kids are and calling their parents…what is that going to do? Raise more hell for her. No."

"There is one thing we could do."

He looked at her.

"We could pull her out and put her in Degrassi. The only reason she doesn't go there now is because of the zoning shit; it's like ten minutes away! She could walk there for crying out loud."

"We'll see," he said as he walked away.

* * *

"They called her a what?"

"Down girl," Manny pulled Paige back down to the sofa. "So they called her some names…that's nothing new."

"Yes but unlike you, she doesn't deserve it," Paige snapped.

Manny reeled back at that one like she was slapped and Paige ducked her head, knowing that she had went over the top.

"Do we have to separate you two?" JT asked as he placed his hand over his wife's.

"Hey!" Jay yelled and everyone froze. "As fun…and hot, as it is it to watch two of my oldest friends have a catfight, we're not here for you!"

The two girls sunk into a sullen silence.

"Ok so some people are im'ing her shit. I don't see what the big deal is and why you called this meeting," JT spoke up. "It's a part of growing up Jay. And no offense but did you really think she wouldn't get anything with you being her father? Kids talk shit about each other; it's a never ending circle," he shrugged.

"But it's my kid!"

"And what makes her different from every other kid in the world Jay? I love her as much as Manny does, you know that. But seriously…what did you think we'd be able to do?"

"I think if it keeps like this…we should think about changing her to DCS," Ellie spoke up softly.

"Now that, seems plausible. But ride it out guys. Kids will be kids. Shall we even bring up the ravine, the penis pump or…Craig?"

Manny's eyes became slits and Jay just rolled his eyes.

"Just relax. And now…I want some food. So let's go, everyone! Family lunch," JT cried as he stood up and waved his arms towards the door.

* * *

Michelle stuck her head in her locker and took several deep breaths. To anyone in the hallway, it might look like her locker was trying to eat her, but she was just trying to make her heart slow down so she could appear normal again. Pierce Gragg had just asked her if she wanted to go to a party, and not as a joke! She had shrugged and said she didn't see a problem with it and he agreed to pick her up two nights from now. She could not believe it, he had actually noticed her enough to ask her to a party. Mind you, this was all without her acting like a moronic bimbo that didn't eat and wore skanky clothes. She grinned as she pulled her head out of her locker and put her books in her bag to go home. Now all she had to do, was convince her parents to let her go to this party; and that would not be easy.

"Someone had a good day," Ellie noted as Michelle breezed through the house.

"Yeah. I guess I did," she smiled.

"What's his name?"

Michelle laughed. "Pierce Gragg."

"Gragg?" Ellie made a face.

"Yeah and he's sooo cute! And oh my God, Ellie he totally invited me to a party this weekend!! I didn't even have to act like a dumb blonde to get him to notice me! All I did was be myself. I mean I always thought that that saying was a load of crap, 'just be yourself' but now…" she sighed as she sat down in her chair.

"A party huh?" Ellie smiled as she dried dishes.

"Yeah, do you think Dad would let me go?" she frowned.

"I'll see what I can do. Where is it?"

"It's at his house, his parents are going to be downstairs with some of their friends. Ellie, could you talk to him? Pllllease?" she put on her puppy dog face.

"I make no promises, but yes I will."

"Thank you!!" she jumped up to hug her fathers girlfriend and raced upstairs.

* * *

"She is too young for that!" Jay said with a frown.

"Honey, she's almost fourteen. She really likes this kid and you know what, I haven't seen her this happy…in a long time," Ellie said softly.

"Where are the parents going to be?" he relented.

"She said they're going to be downstairs with their friends, which we both know means-"

"Across town with some friends," he cut in nodding.

"Right."

"I don't know El…"

"She has to grow up sometime Jay," she said gently. "You can't keep her forever. And we've all done a good job with her, she's a smart girl. With a temper," she smirked as he snorted.

"Ugh, alright," he let his drop back onto the couch.

"Good. Because me and Manny want to have a grown up party."

"A grown up party?"

"Yes. They take place at places like…bars. I hear they're a lot of fun," she laughed.


	19. The takedown p 2

Chapter 19- The take down p. 2

Michelle looked up at the house with apprehension. Her eyes flicked to Pierce who was making his way up the walk and she self consciously smoothed down her pink sheer shirt with a white belly tank top underneath. He had told her that she looked hot in it, with her short skirt and hair curled, you'd think she fit in with them. But the reality was that Paige helped her get ready and made sure she was gone before Jay came home so he couldn't say anything about her outfit.

"You ok?"

"What?" she looked up at him and blinked.

"You seem pretty set to stay on that stair there; you wanna go in?" he gently tugged on her wrist.

"Oh…yeah," she laughed it off.

The door opened and the sound of loud music and drunk teenagers poured out. Paige told her to call if she needed a ride and she would come pick her up, no questions asked; but Michelle really did not want that to happen.

"Gragg!" three boys yelled as they jumped on him when he walked in. His grasp was torn from Michelle's, leaving her alone in the doorway with no one yelling and running up to her. Most glanced at her and moved on, a few guys checked her out, but that was it.

"You're the one who wanted this," she muttered to herself as she made her way to the kitchen.

"It's so cute that he brought her," Kerri was laughing with three other girls in the room.

"What do you think they even talk about?" another whispered but before anyone could respond Michelle made her way through the room and grabbed a beer bottle and took a swig, ignoring the bitter taste.

"You're…Michelle right?" Kerri put on a smile.

"Yeah."

"Here with Pierce?"

"No with Santa actually," Michelle rolled her eyes and started to walk away but Kerri caught her arm.

"Well, Pierce is one of my best friends. So if he likes you, then you're ok with me."

"…Great to know?" Michelle said as she tried to shake her off but her grasp was tight.

"You can hang with me tonight. I'd just love to get to know you," she said and Michelle thought she saw a bit of a sneer cross her pretty face.

"Are you going to take no for an answer?" she sighed.

"Nope!" Kerri smiled and Michelle just sighed.

"Didn't think so."

The first half of the party was a blur to Michelle as she hung out with Kerri and her friends, drinking drink after drink that they put in her hand. Never mind the fact that she had never drank before, so she was getting drunk fairly quickly and wanted to stop, but at the same time didn't want to say it in front of one of the coolest girls at school. She was vaguely aware of pictures being taken and made sure to smile in all of them…at least to the best of her ability.

"Where have you been? I've been looking for you all night," Pierce hissed in Kerri's ear.

"Taking care of your…date," she hissed back as she hesitated while looking at a very drunk Michelle was who was dancing with a boy in the middle of the room.

"Look, you told me to bring her. So we get her drunk, big whoop. Are we done here yet?"

"Almost," Kerri grinned.

"Come on Kerri, really. What else do you want to do?" he rolled his eyes.

She shrugged innocently. "Strip something."

"What?"

"Strip something. Like poker or 'I never' or whatever. Then…we'll be done."

He glared at her and shook her head but she ignored it and laughed at the girl who was trying to shimmy but instead looked like she was flailing around.

"What's your name?" the boy asked Michelle in her ear.

"Michelle," she smiled at him.

"I'm Tony."

"Hi!" she giggled as the song ended.

"Who'd you come here with?"

"Pierce…but I don't know where he went. I lost him," she shrugged but pouted just a little.

"How much have you had tonight girl?" he reeled back as she laughed and he smelled the alcohol on her breath.

"Kerri's been taking care of me!"

"Kerri Woodern?" he cocked an eyebrow.

She nodded while tripping over the door frame and Tony reached out and caught her and picked her back up, holding her waist.

"I think we should get you home…"

"No!!! I'm having fun!" she put her arms in the air and whirled around, banging against a wall and laughing. "Ow…" she giggled.

"Alright guys, who's ready for some games?" Kerri said above the music. "We're gonna play 'I never' with a twist. Instead of doing shots…we're stripping," she grinned.

"I'll play," Michelle said as she clung to Tony's side.

"Kerri, I think I'm going to get her home," he said softly.

"Tony, come on. She wants to play; don't stop her from having a good time!" she said as she reached out for Michelle's hands.

He said nothing but let her go and sat down on a chair to watch the massacre he was sure would follow, unfold.

"Ok. I never…had a boyfriend or girlfriend," someone started and people started pulling off things from shoes to shirts.

"I never…watched a porn," a guy said and the removal of items continued.

Michelle watched as this unfolded and started to get bored. She knew how the game was played but she had never done any of those things, so she was just sitting there. Granted she didn't really want to strip off her clothing but she figured she could start with shoes and socks and take off the over shirt before she stopped playing.

"I never swore in front of my parents."

Shit. She slowly bent over and took off her shoes and waited for the next item to be said when she realize people were looking at her.

"I never…had…sex?" she said after a minute and people laughed as more clothing was shed.

"I never got into a fight," a pretty brunette said on her left.

Crap, off came the socks. Just one more before she bowed out, she told herself. There was no way she was taking off the tank top, especially since she wasn't wearing a bra underneath it.

"I never got so drunk I couldn't walk," was said and she sighed. She could still walk, at least she was pretty sure she could still walk.

"I've never gotten detention."

Fuck.

"I've never had braces."

"I've never stolen anything."

"I've never been dumped."

"I've never had my parents split up."

When she heard that, she was unsure of what to do. Emma was dead, but it wasn't by choice. When she noticed people were looking at her she just looked down.

"Michelle, come on. It's how you play the game," Pierce said.

"My parents didn't split up," she mumbled.

"Well they're not together so it's the same thing," Kerri dismissed.

She looked around cautiously and saw that girls were shirtless and boys were down to their boxers and slowly started to lift her shirt over her head.

At that, Tony, who had been spectating, got up and made his way to the girl he had just met. Enough was enough. If he knew Kerri, and he did, then whatever happened next would not be pretty. He knew she didn't like Michelle and figured that she was invited as part of a joke, not as a nice invitation.

"I've never…not known my mother," Kerri said slowly as she stared at Michelle with a smirk.

She froze and stared around the group, most of who were looking at the floor.

"Alright let's go," Tony said as he gathered her stuff. "That's enough."

"What? She has to strip, it's how the game is played," she laughed.

He stared at her. "You know what Kerri, fuck you. It's over."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. But one last thing."

"What?" Michelle said as she turned around.

"Smile," she said with a grin as a flash went off in Michelle's face.

Her eyes grew wide and again she froze until Tony handed her her tank top and she slowly put it on.

"If those pictures get around, you're fucking dead. You're done, all of you," he said lowly as Michelle stood behind him, fully dressed shaking.

"Come on," he said as he took her elbow gently. "Where do you live?"

"Actually, I think I'll call my aunt. She told she'd come get me if I needed her."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

He nodded and waited outside with her until Paige screeched to a halt on the front lawn.

"Who the fuck are you?" she got out and went up to Tony.

"Paige, relax. He helped me," Michelle said as she made her to the car.

Paige glared at the boy who matched her stare as she went back around to the drivers side.

"Take care Michelle," he called out to her as they drove away

* * *

.

"What is this?" Jack shoved a picture at Michelle the next day during lunch.

She gave him a weird look and looked at the picture that was in her hands and she blanched. There she was, a drunken, surprised look on her face, topless.

"I…umm…I…" she trailed off at a loss for words.

"What happened last night?"

She shook her head, still trying to process everything.

"Michelle, you need to tell me," he said as he gently pushed her into a chair.

"Hey baby, nice picture!" a boy yelled out as he walked by with a picture of Michelle in his hands.

"Shut the fuck up!" Jack yelled as he got up, his hands balled into fists.

She just stared around the hallway, eyes growing wide, her breath shortening. Everywhere she looked, there was a picture of her. Some of them were her topless, some of them were here dancing with people last night, some of them were her when she just tried to focus on smiling for the camera. All of them had little captions underneath them like "Taking after her mother?" or "Call for a good time" and the like.

"Mitch," Jack said softly as he looked down at her but she stood up and streaked to the bathroom.

Once in there she sat on the toilet and put her head on her knees and tried to breath deeply. Finding that it didn't work, she quickly moved to the floor as her breakfast came up into the toilet. She leaned back after a minute and wiped her mouth as tears came out of her eyes. What had she done to deserve this? And who had done it?? She had no idea whose camera those pictures were on and she wasn't on anyone's bad side at the party. If anything, she didn't talk to those people. After twenty minutes she got up and walked out to the mirror to splash water on her face when she saw something flash in one of the other stalls.

"Michelle Nelson-Hogart is a lesbian with mommy issues?" she said softly. She walked into another one and found out how people got her screen name. "Silentblond145 for a good time…" she trailed off as her vision clouded again. She felt dizzy, like her world was spinning out of control and she sank to the floor again. She was at a loss, unsure of what she had done or why people decided to hate her. Suddenly it was as if a light bulb went off above her head; the party. Pierce had invited her and then disappeared for the whole night, leaving her in the care of Kerri. She had never liked Kerri and this was definitely something that would involve her hand. Pierce had only talked to her to apologize for Tommy's shit talking her mother and then the next day he randomly asked her to that party. Her eyes grew wide and she stood up, she knew exactly what had happened. She had beat the shit out of Tommy, who was someone that ran with Kerri and Pierce and they wanted to get back at her. She was a few days too late in figuring this out but at least she had done so at some point. She wiped her eyes and walked out to find Jack sitting across from the restroom on the floor.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

He got up and crossed to her. "What's going on?" he asked softly.

She sighed. "You didn't have to wait for me Jack. Now you're going to be in trouble."

"Michelle, you're my best friend. Not only that, like it or not but I am your uncle. I have my reasons for being concerned thanks."

She smiled as she hugged him and sighed into his shoulder. "Remember when I punched out Tommy North?"

He nodded and she nodded in response. "Well it relates. Pierce talked to me within the next few days of that happening to apologize for that and then the next day he randomly invites me out to a party. Once we get there, he disappears for the whole night and leaves me with who??"

"Kerri," he groaned, seeing where she was going.

"Yep. Kerri, who got me trashed off my ass and then proposed playing 'I never' but instead of drinking we strip."

"And documented the whole night."

She nodded grimly and he hugged her again. "I think you should go home Mitch."

She laughed. "I'd love to, but I think people might have something to say."

"Well they will when you leave and I beat the fuck out of Pierce Gragg for going along with this," he said calmly and she pulled back.

"Jack…"

"No. I don't really care what you have to say. He crossed the line and he's going to know it," he said simply.

"I just…didn't want them to win this," she said softly.

"Michelle," a voice came from behind that sounded vaguely familiar.

"Who the hell are you?" Jack asked protectively.

"I'm Tony, I helped her out last night."

Jack raised an eyebrow but Michelle put a hand on his arm. "It's true Jack. He helped me get out of there and waited for Paige with me."

"You ok?"

She shrugged without saying anything and nodded to the photos.

"Yeah, I saw those. I'm going to talk to them-"

"Really? Because I plan on beating him," Jack cut in.

"Who are you?" Tony finally asked.

"He's my…uncle," Michelle said after a second. "And my best friend."

Jack looked at her, taken aback that she admitted that he was her uncle to some kid that she had just met but she shrugged him off.

"Well I'll tell you what man, why don't we go find them together. I keep you from killing them and I get to tear him a new one at the same time."

Jack turned to Michelle and nodded. "Will you please go home now? I know you haven't told Jay yet."

"How do you know?" she scowled.

"Because I don't see him here and Pierce isn't dead," he smiled.

"Hey, I'm sorry for this Michelle," Tony spoke up.

She shrugged. "It's not like you did it. If anything I owe you a thank you for taking me out of there last night."

"Yeah well they crossed the line. I know Kerri Woodern and she's a bitch. I'm surprised you even hung out with her last night."

"Why is that?" she cocked her head to the side.

"Because you're everything she's not," he said simply as he passed her a smile and stood beside Jack.

"I think he complimented you," Jack hissed at her with a smirk.

She stood there, looking at the two boys that were about to go to battle for her; one of which was like her right arm and the other who was almost a perfect stranger.

"Thank you guys," she said meaningfully as she exited the school.


	20. From yesterday

Chapter 20- From yesterday

"Is that you babe?"

Michelle appeared in the doorway and Ellie's face registered the confusion she was feeling.

"What are you doing home?"

"I can't be at school right now," she said looking away.

"What does that mean?"

She sighed and dropped her bag and went and sat across from her father's girlfriend on the sofa.

"Remember that party that you got Dad to say I could go to? Well I went and it was fun when I was there. Except for the fact that Pierce disappeared the minute we walked in the door and I got passed on to Kerri Woodern, who is a total witch by the way, and she kept feeding me drinks. They played this game called 'I never' but it was like…the strip version and then took pictures and put them all over school," she blurted out.

Ellie just looked at her. "Wow."

"I know," she groaned.

"No, I mean you gave that up really easy. You would have to bribe me to say all that when I was your age," she laughed.

Michelle just shrugged and Ellie regarded the girl that sat in front of her and saw the broken girl that she was.

"So they put up these half naked pictures all over school?"

"Yeah and Jack found them. Then I ran to the bathroom and found out where people got my screen name. People wrote it on the bathroom wall," she said miserably.

"Oh Michelle."

"I don't know what to do Ellie. I don't want to tell Dad, I'm afraid to," she said, tears clogging her vision and voice. "Jack told me to go home and he would take care of this. There was kid Tony, that helped me out last night, and he went with him. But I mean, everyone was laughing and yelling things at me…" she broke off.

"Baby," Ellie said as she crossed over to the girl and pulled her into her arms and just let her cry.

"I can't go back there Ellie. I just…can't," she sniffed out.

"Do you want to tell your Dad? You know he'll find out one way or another…"

"I'll tell him I guess, but could you…stay here while I do?"

"Of course," she said as she stroked the girls blond hair.

* * *

"What's up?" Pierce asked as he looked up to see Tony coming towards him with Jack close behind.

Jack broke out from behind the other boy and punched Pierce square in the face.

"What the fuck Nelson!?" he yelled as he got up, holding a hand to his face to catch the blood from his bloody nose.

"What the fuck? Maybe I should ask you that," Tony spoke up as a crowd gathered.

"What are you talking about?"

"Michelle Nelson-Hogart," Tony threw in as Jack stood next to him livid.

"What about her?"

"Know anything about these pictures that are mysteriously popping up around school?"

He laughed. "No. Why would I?"

Jack stepped forward and Pierce sat down again. "It was Kerri," he said after a second.

"What was me? What's going on?" she asked as she pushed her way through the crowd.

"Those pictures that were up today."

She shrugged. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she said with disinterest.

"So here's my idea, tell me if you guys agree. I won't hit a girl, so how about I just beat the fuck out of Gragg until someone tells me what the fuck is going on?" Jack spoke up.

"Why do you care?" Kerri threw at him and he stared at her.

It was common knowledge that they were best friends and were always together.

"She's my niece!" he exploded and she laughed.

"Right, you're Michelle's uncle. Ok."

He gave her a look. "Yeah all those mommy jokes you make towards her, that's my sister. Oh look, another reason for me to hit Gragg. I like that," he said as an after thought as he advanced on Pierce again who look a little bit frightened at the thought of Jack beating him.

"Everyone knows that she's easy Jack," Kerri said softly.

"Excuse me?"

"Michelle. Everyone knows that," she shrugged. "Anyone could have done it."

"Yeah but everyone didn't. You did."

"Well what are you going to do about it? You won't hit me," she sneered.

"Nope. But I know several people that will without a care," he grinned as she paled a tiny bit. He spit at Pierce and turned and started to walk away.

"We're done," Tony said to Pierce.

"Cry me a fucking river," Kerri muttered.

Tony took a step in her direction and she screamed as he laughed and followed Jack out the door.

* * *

Jay was having second thoughts about letting his daughter go to that party. She was too young to be exposed to that life; that life that was so similar to how he used to live. He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach and when he got home and saw Ellie sitting with her, he knew that feeling was going to be validated.

"What happened?" he asked immediately.

"What makes you-" Ellie started but stopped when she saw that look Jay was giving her. This was his child, his daughter; of course he would know when something was wrong.

"She wants to be transferred," Ellie spoke up after a second.

"What's going on?" he asked as he sat down.

Ellie looked at Michelle so she could start telling him everything that she told him but she found that she couldn't open her mouth. She looked back at the older woman and shook her head. Ellie sighed and put her hand on her back.

"Something happened at the party last night Jay."

"I'll kill him," he stood up and Ellie stood up and pushed him back down. "You don't know what happened and no, you won't."

He sighed and glared at his girlfriend as he crossed his arms.

"There was drinking involved and something happened at school today. Apparently they were playing some sort of game which required people to strip and they took pictures of Michelle. They also wrote shit on the bathroom walls."

Jay's face hardened. "There was drinking?"

"Daddy I'm sorry," she said quietly.

He turned his gaze towards her to see her crying and his resolve started to break.

"What were you thinking Mitch? You know that these kids don't talk to you," he said softly.

"I thought things would be different," she shrugged. "I mean Pierce invited me so I thought that…I dunno that if he liked me then I must be ok and everyone else would see that too. I didn't know they were going to do that!" her voice took on a pleading tone.

"Honey, no one's blaming you," Ellie said softly as the front door opened and Jack walked in.

"What happened?" she asked.

"What do you mean what happened?" Jay said as he looked at Emma's brother.

Jack turned his face towards Jay and shrugged. "I…talked to Pierce Gragg."

"You got into a fight with him."

"I did what I had to do."

"You beat someone up…for me?" she asked in wonderment.

"Michelle are you kidding me? Of course I did!!" he exclaimed. "You're family!! Not only that but you're my best friend. What wouldn't I do for you," he said shaking his head. He reached into his bag and pulled out what looked like a flyer and handed it over to Jay.

"Just like her mother?" he read in a tight voice.

"Yeah. So you see…I had to beat the shit out of him," Jack shrugged. "Those things were everywhere. I told her to go home."

"This Pierce kid, where's he live?"

"Jayson, think about this. You are not twenty years old anymore, you can't just walk in there and fuck him up!"

He rolled his eyes at Ellie. "Yeah, I realize that part. But there is a good chance I could make him shit himself and that just makes me happy," he said as he got his coat and walked out the door.

"What's going to happen?" Michelle asked in a small voice.

"Nothing, you're fathers talking trash," Ellie replied.

"No I mean with school. I don't want to go back there Ellie, I can't!"

The red head pursed her lips and thought about things for a second. "So if you won't go back there, the only other thing we can do is transfer you to another school…"

"Fine, do it."

"Well I don't think your father is going to have a problem with it," she said as she got up and picked up the phone.

"What are you doing?"

"Calling the principal," she smiled. "Their old friends of ours."

"Are you serious?" Michelle stared. She'd be going from a hellish school to a school where the principal might be coming over for a cookout? Was there no happy medium anymore?

* * *

"You sure this is his house?"

Jack nodded and Jay opened the door.

"Parents of Pierce?" Jay asked when an attractive middle aged woman opened the front door.

"Yes, is something wrong?" she asked, her voice immediately taking on a worried tone.

"Oh yeah. Yeah there is. Me and you, we're going to have a long chat," he said as he stepped inside.


	21. Solutions

Chapter 21- Solutions

Pierce Gragg lay in his bed upstairs in his safe haven, as he called it. When he came home it was obvious that he had took a few punches and his mother freaked out, typical. He shrugged her off, not wanting to talk about it and ran up here. What nerve did Jack Nelson have to punch him square in the face not once, but a few times? Who the hell did he think he was? No one fucked with Pierce Gragg and got away with it. That was one thing that his father taught him before he left. Before he drove away on that business trip to New York and never came back. He had trouble remembering what he looked like and memories of him were somewhat foggy, but that was one thing he carried with him; he does not get fucked with and let the other person get away with it. He didn't know what he was going to do, but it was going to be good if he had anything to say about it.

"Pierce!"

His mother shrill voice punctured his fuming and he sighed.

"What?" he called down in disinterest.

"Come down here."

He made a show of sighing like he was doing something worthwhile as he descended the stairs and froze when Jack came into view. Jack wiggled his fingers in a wave as he smiled at him and the older man that was next to him glared at him.

"What's up?"

"Did something happen at school today?"

He shrugged. "Nothing out of the ordinary really."

Jack just laughed inside of himself. It didn't matter if he was bleeding profusely, he would not admit that Jack punched him good and hard a few times. His pride got in the way of that.

"Oh really? Nothing out of the ordinary huh?" Jay spoke up, his voice tight with anger.

"Who are you?" he remarked as he crossed his arms.

"I believe you know my daughter."

"Well…I'm a little popular. I know a lot of people," he shrugged.

Jack lunged forward muttering, "You arrogant little son of a bitch," when Jay caught his shirt and held him in place.

"What did you do to Michelle, Pierce? Name ring a bell?" he spat out at his classmate.

"Your best friend?"

"Yeah, my best friend, my niece and his daughter. Did you catch amnesia or something?"

"What is this?" Mrs. Gragg spoke up in a worried tone.

Jay shoved a flyer at her. "Your son and his friends are responsible for this. And I have an issue with that."

Her hand went to her chest. "Pierce? What do you know about this?"

He shrugged. "We went out last night and I guess she can't take a joke. Kerri thought it up to like…initiate her to the group you know? We all had to go through it; I guess we thought she was stronger than this."

"Initiation!?" Jay yelled. "You are not only going after my daughter but attacking Emma as well!!"

"Who the hell is Emma?" he asked.

Jay took a deep breath and looked back at Mrs. Gragg. "Do something about your son and his friends before I do. And that's not a threat," he added as she opened her mouth. "It's a promise that I intend to keep."

Jack just smirked at Pierce as he cracked his knuckles and Pierce flinched as Jay turned on his heel and walked out.

"What are you going to do to him?" Jack asked out of mild curiosity.

Jay shrugged. "Don't know yet, but it can't be that hard to make him shit himself. You made him do it at least twice in that house," he laughed a little.

Jack puffed up his shoulders and his chest and grinned. "Yeah…I'm kind of a big deal…"

Jay looked at the boy that was more like his family and pushed him into the car by his head. "Get in the car," he laughed.

* * *

Ellie hung up the phone and turned to Michelle, who was anxiously waiting in the door frame.

"It's a done deal. If you want to, if your dad says yes, you can start whenever you want," she smiled at the girl.

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you so much Ellie," she said she hugged the woman that was becoming family to her.

"Are you sure you want to do this though? I mean you'll be transferring out your freshmen year…"

"I really don't care," Michelle snorted. "Who do you know at Degrassi anyway?"

Ellie smiled and went to the fridge and took out some soda's.

"Well, you know that's where we all went when we were your age right?"

"All of you?"

"Your mom included. It was definitely interesting, I'll say that much."

"I knew that you and mom knew each other in high school but I didn't realize like everyone of you guys went to school together…"

"Oh yeah. When we say we go way back, we do mean it," she laughed. "Oh and you know that musician Manning?"

Michelle nodded. "Yeah he's all over the radio."

"Knew him too. Liked him for a while…that didn't pan out though," she shrugged.

"You…know Craig Manning?" Michelle was just staring at her.

Ellie looked at the girl who was like her daughter and got up. "You know what, let's take a trip down memory lane here. I know Alex told you some stuff…but there's a lot more that you just don't know girly."

* * *

"I want her out of that school Spike," Jay said as he paced back and forth in the Simpson's living room.

Spike was looking at the flyer with her enormous eyes and then looked back up at Jay.

"How many of these were there?"

"Jack said a lot. I guess that was the worst one. I can't have posters of my daughter up around school! I don't give a fuck what she was doing!!! She could be doing the hula, nobody needs to know about it!" he exploded.

"Ok, calm down here Jay…" she said as she lay a hand on his shoulder.

He flinched when she said that to him. "Hey Spike, how calm were you when you found what your daughter was doing at the ravine?"

"That's not fair," she said lowly.

"Oh no? Why not? People were talking about her…how is that any different?" he crossed his arms. "Here's the bottom line, I want her away from these kids. I want her away from the school."

"You can't always fix things for her Jay! She has to learn to walk on her own at some point…"

He glared at her. "She is thirteen Spike. She is too young to walk on her own just yet," he snapped. "I know what I was like at thirteen and I'll be damned if that girl isn't exactly like me. I can see the ending of this story coming and it's not pretty."

"So your mind is made up."

He shrugged in a way that gave the message that it was and she sighed. "Then why are we arguing about this?"

"I just thought you should know," he said as he turned to leave.

"Jack won't like this you know…"

Jay smirked. "Jack has his own plan," he said cryptically as he shut the door.

Spike stared at the door for a second. "What the hell does that mean? Jack!!!" she hollered up stairs.

* * *

"There's Spinner with his 80's hair cut," Ellie giggled as she picked up a picture and Michelle just stared at him.

"Ew. He actually wore his hair like that?"

"Unfortunately…"

"Who's this?" Michelle asked as she picked up a picture and handed it to Ellie.

Ellie took it and froze up. Sean. It was taken the day that he had told her that he wasn't moving and was staying in town and picked her up and gave her a huge hug in the hallway. She hadn't talked to him since he had messed around with Alex and stopped thinking about him years ago but looking at that picture brought up fresh memories.

"Ellie? You ok?" Michelle poked her to bring her back to the present.

She shook her head and cleared her throat. "…Yeah," she said unconvincingly. "Just…an old boyfriend. I don't know why you're father has this picture…" she said in a hurry as she put it off to the side to be thrown away later.

"What's going on?" Jay asked as he walked in and picked up the discarded picture without looking at it.

"Where have you been?" Ellie asked, glad for the change in subject.

He shrugged. "Taking care of some things."

"Verbally or physically?" she cocked an eyebrow and he glared at her.

"Oh like it or not Jayson, I have you pegged," she laughed.

"Well Pierce's mother knows how much of a dick her son is now, that's for sure."

"You went to his parents?!" Michelle cried out. "Dad!! You can't do that!! Now I'll be known as the girl who couldn't take a joke!"

"That's not a joke Michelle," he protested. "What the did was just cruel. And he's a dick anyway," he said offhand.

"Great. Now everyone's going to know that I have to get my daddy to take of my problems. Thanks," she sighed.

"Do you want to stay at that school?"

"What?"

"You heard me," he repeated.

She shrugged and didn't meet his eyes. "Well Mitch, you need to figure out exactly what the hell you want from all this. Because if you want to change out, we need to do something. But if you want to stay there, you need to learn to deal with shit. Yeah I talked to his parents, the kid was an asshole and he not only attacked you, my daughter, but your mother. I won't stand for that and I know several other people that won't either. It's not going to get any easier there and you know that. But if you're willing to deal with that and shit, you need to let me know. Because I'm doing everything I can here and you're not giving me any answers. So what now? You want to be known as the girl that 'can't take a joke and has to get her daddy to fix her issues' or you want to be known as the girl that couldn't handle it and had to run away?"

"It's not like that," she mumbled.

"Oh really? What's it like then Michelle, enlighten me here."

She stared at the ground for a minute or more and then raised her eyes to Ellie, who was sitting against the couch, not looking at either one of them.

"I…I want to be transferred," she said finally.

"Why?" Jay demanded.

"Because!"

"Because why? Last time I checked, they won't let you change schools just…because," he rolled his eyes.

Her eyes grew stormy and she looked back at the ground.

"Because there no one knows me. I'm not Jack's best friend, I'm not that weird girl that eats lunch on the steps with no friends, I'm not that girl on the poster or the one whose screen name is plastered all over the girls bathroom on the second floor. I'm just…Michelle," she said softly.

Jay's eyes softened a little bit. "Bug, you know Jack is going with you right?"

Her head snapped up. "What?"

He nodded. "He told me that you were in this together. They didn't just insult you, they insulted his sister. He's sticking with you."

"But…why? I mean he's happy there! He's got his sports and his friends…"

"And you," Ellie spoke up quietly. "He loves you Mitch. You are his best friend and sports will always be there. Why do you think he's with us on more weekends than not? It's because of you."

"But-"

She looked at her father who shrugged and she shut up. She never expected Jack to follow her if she changed schools and now that she knew this…she didn't know if she was happy or not with his decision.

* * *

"Why do you have that picture of me and Sean?" Ellie brought up that night as they were getting ready for bed.

"What picture?"

She picked it up from her nightstand and held it up so she could see.

"Oh my God," he laughed. "I had no idea I had that!" he reached out to grab it but Ellie jerked it away.

"I don't want you to," she said quietly.

"El…"

She shook her head. "No. For years I didn't think of him at all and what he did to me, fucking me over as he fucked Alex, really hurt. I mean I'm over him and all that…but I don't need to see this. I don't need to remember him and how happy I used to be with him. I have you now and he's just a vague memory."

He sat down beside her. "Well…are you happy with me?"

"Of course I am!" she said incredulously.

"Then it shouldn't matter. It's the past, it's just a bitter memory. He was my best friend if you remember. I get why you don't want that around, but I can't just throw it out. Yeah it sucks what he did to you, and it sucks that he messed around with Alex…and that she changed my own locks…but that's how many years ago? We're adults now. Just…laugh or something. Or cast him off as an asshole that broke your heart. Don't waste your energy deleting all the pictures and shit. It's not worth it."

She stared at him. "Well hello there Mr. Insightful," she laughed.

He shrugged. "That will be two hundred dollars by the way," he teased and she shoved him a little bit.

"Seriously though, just forget him. Besides you have me now…and I'm much more charming," he joked as he grinned at her as he got up and went back over towards the bathroom.

"Jay?"

He turned around to look at her and her breath caught in her throat. "Marry me."


	22. Dodging the bullet

Chapter 22- Dodging the bullet

Ellie sat on the couch downstairs in her bathrobe with a smile playing on her face. Never in all her years did she think she would what she did last night. To Jay Hogart of all people too!! The person that was a huge dick in high school and caused so many problems…somehow had her heart. She made a face at that though due to the sap that encased it and shook her long red hair out of her face.

"El?"

She looked up to see Michelle standing before her with a bowl of cereal and smiled. "What's up Bug?"

Michelle faltered a little bit at the nickname that her grandmother had given her, no one outside of family has ever called her by that, but kept going to sit across from her.

"Remember when Alex came over and told me some stuff about y'alls past and stuff?"

"Vaguely…"

"And then yesterday you pulled out those pictures and it just…got me thinking. She said that everyone had their issues growing up. But I thought about it and I mean I don't even know anything about my mom, dad or even you! Alex said that you had your own issues and to ask you later so…"

"You want to know what I was like when I was a little bit older than you," she deadpanned.

Michelle nodded as milk dripped from her mouth into the bowl. "I mean you guys are my parents and what do I know about you?" she shrugged.

Ellie's breath caught in her throat as Michelle called her a parent. "What?"

"What? I mean yeah Alex and Paige and Spinner and them will always be family to me, but they don't live with me. I was with them so much when I was little but now, now you're here. And I mean you're dating Dad and living with us so…yeah. I guess you're kind of like a parent," Michelle explained a little uncomfortably.

Ellie's eyes misted over a little bit but she ducked her head to hide it and cleared her throat.

"Your mother was amazing Michelle. She was sweet, had a good heart and always did what she thought was best."

"Then why'd she knee Alex in the face once?"

"Well because Alex is a bitch babe," Ellie laughed. "She looked eerily like you, and she did have a good heart. She's had been best friends with Manny since they were like in…fifth grade and oh my God did she have a thing for the environment," she laughed. "That boy in the picture, his name is Sean Cameron. Emma dated him for a long time but after he started talking to your dad she broke up with him."

"So Dad and Mom used to hate each other?" she cocked her head to one side.

"Oh did they! Your father was into a lot of bad things Mitch. He used to race cars, steal things, party all the time, I think he sold drugs at one point, he used people, he dropped out when you were born but he promised his dad that he'd get his GED later on in life and simply put, he was a huge dick. He sees a lot of himself in you and to be honest…I think that scares him. When he was your age, his life wasn't easy you know? I'm not going to tell you all about it, it's not my place, but he definitely wants better for you than what he had, as most parents would. When we find out that you're fighting and everything in school, it's like a flashback for both of us and it's weird to say the least. He wanted you to be just like Emma and he got a miniature version of himself that looks like Emma. So I think it's just hard for him sometimes to see you do what you do or whatnot because he's been there," Ellie shrugged.

"What do you want to know?" Jay asked quietly from the kitchen.

"Well…everything I guess. I don't know really much about you," Michelle said.

Jay sighed and sat down. "You know how Grandpa only calls here once in a while?"

Michelle nodded.

"It's because we don't get along. We never have. He left my mom to take care of me and my sister Rachel and took off. I resented him since then and I have no interest in that man. However, he got a hold of your mother one day and found out about you and ever since then, unfortunately I've had to deal with him. I took off to California for a while and he was the one that somehow got me back to Toronto for your birth, I still don't know how he did it. I figured I'd at least give him a chance to fix what he did with me by letting him have a relationship with you, but I will never take anything from him. Besides this house. We didn't have anywhere to live and I had you and he bought me this house as long as I go back to school at some point and my GED."

"So you…keep Grandpa from coming up here?"

"Oh no, you've met him once. You were about six and he found you playing on the street and started talking to you-"

"I remember that! You got really mad and Ellie had to take me somewhere," Michelle jumped in and Jay nodded.

"He calls you once in a while on the phone but he's never…taken an interest to coming back up to see you. He just wanted to send you things and I said no. That doesn't make a relationship and whatever you needed, I could provide for you."

"And I have an aunt?" she asked crossing her arms.

Jay laughed. "Oh Rachel is a trip alright. She started to take after my mother. My mother would go out and meet random guys and take them home and wonder why they never called her again. Since she got so depressed about that, she would drink some more. It's a never ending cycle and it just got worse and worse. She was pretty much never home so I had to raise myself or Rachel would take care of me. In high school though, she started to party just like Mom did and I ended up taking care of her. Tell you the truth, I intentionally distance myself from my family. I don't need them around me and/or around you letting their lifestyle influence ours. You don't need to live that way and I'm going to make sure that you don't. You're better than that Michelle. I hate that Rachel's never called me or anything to see you, but hey her loss right?" he said shrugging and it was obvious that he was bitter and a little uncomfortable.

She nodded and looked around but didn't want to ask any more the questions that were floating around in her head. Her father was obviously uncomfortable and this was beginning to feel like an interrogation they way that she was just questioning them and they were spitting out answers. She pursed her lips but had to ask the one question that was dying to get out of her brain.

"If you and Mom hated each other so much…how did you even end up together?" she asked softly.

Ellie rolled her eyes and chuckled and Jay just groaned. "I used to party in the ravine behind school; I'm talking drinking, drugs, whatever. Well they had a van there for…well I don't think I need to say. Your mother started showing up there, this was her

little rebellion phase, and we started…well…"

"Having sex," Ellie finished bluntly.

Jay glared at her but she just shrugged. "We stopped talking after she stopped coming to the ravine but the one night…one night she im'ed me and told me to meet her in a park. So I did…and I found out about you," he said softly. "I told her that she wasn't going to go it alone and I was going to be there for her and for you. I wasn't going to be my father and I made damn sure to keep that promise. Yeah we fought and broke up a few times…but in the end…we fell in love somehow," he said with a soft smile. "I don't know how it happened, we were complete opposites, but it did. I'll never be able to stop loving her either, she's always going to be here," he said after a minute in case his daughter was going to jump back on the what-the-hell-are-you-doing-with-her-best-friend train again.

Michelle nodded. "I know. Mom's been gone for thirteen years you know?"

Ellie looked at Jay and smiled a little bit and he looked down as he squeezed her knee.

"Ok well this has been…uncomfortable. I'm going out," Michelle suddenly said as she got up.

* * *

"Do you know what you're doing? Think about the friends that you'll lose!"

Jack just shook his head. "I don't care Mom. I'm doing this with her."

Spike sighed. "Why?"

"Why? Because she's the friend that matters! She'll always be here, she's my niece Mom. She shouldn't have to transfer in the first place."

"Jack…you can't always protect her," Spike said softly.

He shook his head. "I know. I'm not trying to. I'm doing what I think is right. Besides, now everyone knows about Emma and how she was my sister and how Mitch is my niece. You think I won't get any backlash? I punched the kid several times in the face!"

"You did what?!"

He grew a little red at that. He had forgotten to let his mother know that he defended his family and from the look on her face…this was not good.

"I had to!"

"No, no you didn't Jack. You chose to. You can't just punch everyone out that badmouths Emma or Jay or Michelle, you just can't. For that matter…I don't want you to transfer. I think…I think you should stay at Fairview and stick it out. You have two years left and it wouldn't help you to change schools now. Besides, you have to let Michelle go on her own, let her make her own decisions."

"Mom-"

"No. That's it Jack."

He narrowed his eyes at his mother and went silent.

"Where are you going?" she asked as she suddenly got up and walked towards the door.

"Out," was the short answer that he provided.

* * *

Jay looked at the girl and smiled. She was a rare beauty, one of the people that was drop dead gorgeous and had no idea. Those were always the best kind of people in his mind. She tucked her hair behind her ears as she slid a pair of small silver hoops in and then shook her hair out.

"I hate it when you watch me," she suddenly spoke up.

"Point?"

She sighed as she turned to face him. "Well…what's so fascinating about me doing my hair and makeup?"

He shrugged. "You don't need it El. Really."

She rolled her eyes. "You have to say that," she said as she turned around and rooted for her mascara.

"Oh really? When have you ever known me to say something because I had to? I mean come on…" he said as he got up and leaned on the door frame to the bathroom as he heard a door shut from downstairs. She laughed as he tugged on her locks and exited the room.

"Jack?"

Jay entered the kitchen expecting to see Michelle's butt sticking out of the fridge, not Jack's.

"Mom's not letting me transfer," he said without looking away from the food.

"Huh."

"Huh? Is that you all have Jay? Huh?"

Jay crossed his arms and perched on the table. "Well what did you expect me to say?"

"I don't know, something along the lines of you'll talk to her and get her to change her mind," Jack replied as he appeared from the depths of the refrigerator for the first time.

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"It's not place Jack. I know that you wanna go with Michelle, but if Spike says no-"

"Are you serious? You never let anyone stand in the way of what you want Jay. Never. But you won't go to bat for me, not even this once? Thanks, really."

"Hey Jack, newsflash. I'm not your dad, I can't change your mothers mind on something pertaining to you. Michelle's her granddaughter and even I respect her decisions more than you do, and I'm not even family!"

"Yes you are," Jack broke in. "You really think that after everything that happened with you and my sister and then having Michelle that they just don't care about you anymore? You'll always be family to them Jay. For Christ's sake, you're like my big brother…whose daughter is my niece," he smirked.

"Then listen to me Jack; listen to your mother. You can't just make life hell on her because you can't go with Michelle. I know that you want to, she's your best friend and all that, but we're not moving! We'll still be right here and damn it, I know she'll be right back with you after school and I'll never be able to get her home. Nothing will change."

"It's…just going to suck," he mumbled.

"Yeah, probably," Jay agreed and Jack shot him a look. "Dude, my best friend moved out of town in high school. Trust me, I know that it sucks."

"Do you guys still talk?"

He shook his head. "No. But we're not family. We are, remember?"

Jack sighed and then grew rigid. "Oh God, you're not going to like…hug me or some weird shit like that are you?"

Jay just broke out laughing.

"Ok good," he breathed in relief as he left the man alone in the kitchen and took over the television.

"You just did it," a soft voice said from behind him.

"Did what?"

"Said something that you thought you had to say. You and Spike are always at odds, but what you did…that was good."

"I do one good thing a month and that was it," he grinned at his girlfriend.

"On a serious note; whose telling Michelle?" she asked as she rested her chin on his broad shoulder.

"Can't we just…surprise her?" he groaned and she hit him in the chest. "That's a…no?"

"Tell me what?" Michelle spoke up as she opened the door.


	23. Ghosts in the machine

Chapter 23- Ghosts in the machine

"If you touch them…" the woman warned as the man before her grinned innocently.

"Baby, I have no idea what you're talking about…"

"You disgust me, you know that?" she muttered as she kissed him and turned to leave.

"So like…aren't you supposed to be gone by now?" Jack asked Michelle as she came downstairs.

"Aren't you supposed to be like…hanging off of sluts and whores by now?" she mimicked back at him. "Oh wait…Nancy's not here," she threw in as an after thought, mentioning her friends girlfriend.

"Hey-"

"Can't talk, gotta go! Love ya!" she yelled out as she raced outside.

"Alright you, out," Jay said as he steered Ellie towards the door.

"I can walk on my own thank you!"

"Yeah but you're not," Jay muttered under his breath.

"Mom!!" Michelle yelled out of the car and Ellie sighed.

"I will kill you Jayson Hogart, mark my words," she said as she left.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Jack said as he shut the door behind her.

"Let's go, let's go!" Michelle announced bouncing up and down in her seat in the car.

"Christ Ellie, what did you give her?" Alex complained as she tried to sit as close to the door, and as far from Michelle as she could.

"You know you're drinking soda tonight right?" Ellie looked at her from the passenger seat and Michelle's face fell.

"What?! But Jack gets-"

"Jack's eighteen, you're not. You are sixteen and no daughter of mine is drinking…especially at my bachelorette party, that's just…weird."

It had been three years since Ellie had blurted out the question that she knew would change her life, as corny as it sounded. Three years after Jay had blurted yes right back to her. Theirs had never been a conventional relationship, that was for sure and their proposal proved just that. After a few days they eventually told Michelle, who took it surprisingly well…a week later. At first she yelled at how they were betraying Emma, how Ellie would never be her mother, how she wasn't part of this family and things like that. After a week though, her tune started to slowly change and she gradually began to accept it. Ellie would never be able to forget the first time she called her mom. Michelle was fourteen at the time and Ellie was waiting to pick her up at school when she came bouncing out with some boy.

_"Hey Mitch."_

_"Hey. Jordan this is Ellie, Ellie this is Jordan," she said smiling. "She's kind of my mom," she said softly to her friend._

_"Hey," the boy said in a typical teenage fashion, but Ellie didn't notice. She was too stuck on the fact that Michelle had just called her mom. At that exact moment in time, Ellie knew this was what she wanted._

_"Umm…is it ok if he comes over for homework?" Michelle asked and shook Ellie out of her trance._

_"Yeah, sure," she smiled softly as the two lumbered into the car._

About three months after that Michelle let the M-word drop again, this time in front of Jay.

"Did you take that steak out of the freezer?"

_"What? Oh yeah…I think I did. Yeah," Michelle said as she checked the fridge, all the while, phone still glued to her ear._

_"So I'm thinking that if we got her a cell phone, we'd get the house phone back," Ellie remarked as Jay put away the dishwasher._

_"Umm…yes!!" Michelle said loudly and he just laughed. "Oh, sorry. No my mom said she wanted to get me a cell phone," she replied to the person on the phone and Jay dropped a dish when he heard her say that._

_"Dad?" she cocked her head at him but he didn't look at her._

_"Jay…" Ellie started, aware of what he heard. "Trust me, I didn't know either ok?" her voice took on a pleading tone._

_He shook his head, still silent as he stood rooted to the spot. "I'm going out," he whispered as he left in a whirlwind._

_"Ummm…I'm gonna call you back," Michelle said as she hung up the phone in a hurry. "What was that?"_

_"Nothing. Well…ok. You know what you just referred to me as?"_

_"My mom? Well yeah, you are. I mean you're marrying my father and your practically raised me," she shrugged._

_"That's…great honey. And I am so touched that you call me that, but your dad, well…he's never heard it before. In his mind, Emma will always be your mom."_

_"I know that, she always will be. But you're my other mom. Besides, you were her best friend, so who better to take care of her family right?"_

_Ellie stood and stared at the girl that she referred to as her daughter and teared up. Against her will, she felt herself walk towards Michelle and pull her into a hug. "That was the best thing anyone's ever said to me," she whispered._

_Michelle laughed but tried not to cry herself. She loved Ellie and she knew that Ellie loved her back, it was just one of those things that they didn't say._

_"You mean that was better than Dad proposing?" Michelle laughed._

_"Oh please! You really think he did it? If I didn't open my mouth, I'd be lucky to be engaged to that man right now," she laughed._

_"I didn't know that you proposed to him!!" Michelle squealed. "That is so cool!"_

_"Emma…" Jay whispered as he traced her name in the gravestone. He hadn't been to see her in years, only when he was pretty fucked up or really upset. After a little bit of time had gone by and he had settled into things with Ellie, it was just weird for him to go back and see Emma now, he felt like he was running out of things to talk about. He sighed as he lied down with his head beside her stone and just stared up at the stars, enjoying the silence._

_"Jay," a feminine voice sliced through the night._

_"What do you want Santos?" he asked in a bored tone without looking up._

_"Ellie called me."_

_"She called her mom Manny…"_

_She sat down on the ground next to the man she had seen change so much over the past years and smiled softly. "I know."_

_"What the hell am I supposed to do?"_

_"Marry the girl that you love," Manny stated simply._

_"Ellie's not her mother Manny," he said sharply. _

_"I know that, Ellie knows that and you know what? She talked to Michelle about it today and even Michelle knows that. I believe the talk went something along the lines of Emma will always be her mother but Ellie was always there and helped raise her. Think how she feels about all this Jay. She's marrying her best friends boyfriend and now her daughter is calling her mom. I'm pretty sure she's not skipping through the park."_

_He sighed but still didn't sit up. "How fucked up is it that I haven't been here in years? I feel like I've just…ran out of things to talk about," he finished lamely._

_Manny smiled sadly and laid a hand on his leg. "You're not the only Jay. I can't remember the last time I had just a sit down talk with her myself. But you know, I don't think she holds it against us. People change and life goes on. You never forget, but you continue forward. You'll never forget, that girl has had your heart for how long? It's ok. In fact I'd say it's even healthy that you stopped coming here so much."_

_For the first time he turned his head to look at the woman on the ground beside him. _

_"Who would have thought that fourteen years after high school that we'd still be friends?" he asked._

_"Oh God not me," she snorted and he burst out laughing. "But you know what? I see now what Emma saw in you all along; a decent guy underneath all the swagger and shit."_

_He smiled and put his hand on hers in a joking fashion. "Manny, I'm sorry. You've just realized this too late my dear and now I'm promised to another," he said as he put his hand over his eyes and looked away like a damsel in distress._

_"Michelle's studying drama in school isn't she?" Manny laughed as she helped Jay up. "Go home Jayson. Go home to your amazing daughter and the woman that loves both of you. Emma's fine right here." She gave him a long hug and then walked with him back to the car._

* * *

"I'm away from my wife, there's a sitter for the boy…why are there no boobies here yet?" JT pouted as he crashed through the door.

"You will never change will you?" Jay asked as he drank a beer.

"Why bother? I'm perfect as I am," he replied to which Jack snorted.

"Alright so here's what I was thinking-" Jack started when Jay snorted.

"Kid, if you know how to plan a bachelor party then me and your mother did a shit job with you. Actually…I take that back. I did awesome, your mom…ehhh," he said waving his hand back and forth.

"You're an asshole Hogart," Jack snapped back at him. "No, stripclubs."

"Aren't you like sixteen?" JT cocked his head to the side.

"Eighteen," Jack sighed.

"You're Emma's baby brother man, how weird would that be to take you to a strip club where her ex boyfriend will party before marrying her best friend?" JT piped back up as he took a gulp of a Coors.

"He's like my little brother man, let it slide," Jay muttered. "And strip club sounds great. Anything sounds better than here," he said as he got up.

"Boobies!!" JT cheered as he opened the door and came face to face with a man about to knock on it.

"Spinner?" he squinted.

"Uhh…does Jay still live here?"

"Whose asking?" Jay asked from the other room.

"A man with a baby," Spinner yelled back.

"Alright I am not that old that I'm going deaf. Did you just say man with a baby?" he asked as he entered the room.

"Jay!" he exclaimed happily as he put the infant carrier down on the table to hug his old friend.

"Dude what the hell is this?" Jack gently pushed it with his foot.

"It's a doll dipshit," Jay gave him a look. "What do you think?"

"Where the hell did you get a baby?"

Spinner shrugged. "I took it from some family that was stranded on the highway. You know…after I kidnapped them and dumped them miles away where they could never be found."

"Fuck you," Jack muttered.

"He hangs out with you far too much," JT said as he glanced at Jack.

"So where's the woman?" Jay asked as he crossed his arms.

Spinner jerked his head towards the car that was still running. "I wasn't sure if you still lived here…"

"Gavin my boy, give that lady her baby back because you are coming out with us!"

"What? Where?"

"Boobies!"

"Do you know any other words?" Jay finally asked as he turned towards JT. "I'm getting married man!"

"What?!"

"To Nash," he put in and Spinner grinned.

"Ohh yeah!" he gave him a high five. "Alright, alright. Let me see if Molly can watch her…" he said as he ducked back out with the baby. Five minutes later he kissed her goodbye and came back in.

"So is that your wife…?" Jack asked.

Spinner and nodded and Jay slugged him. "Asshole! Why the hell didn't we know about this?"

He shrugged and then looked around. "Hey where's Alex? Isn't she the man out of the marriage?"

"Good to know you haven't changed," Jay laughed as he patted him on the back and they left.

* * *

"I should not be in here with you," Ellie said as she drank a beer.

Paige just rolled her eyes. "Please. Did you see the guy at the door? He was too busy drooling over her to check her ID. Plus, he was what, two days older than her?"

"Paige…"

"Present time!" Paige crowed out and Manny clapped.

Michelle looked around at the crowded bar and drank her Coke silently. Paige had told her to bring a change of clothes, like she would wear to a party, but she didn't think it was for this. After she had changed and put on the heels that Paige had loaned her and did her hair and makeup, she looked like one of those girls at school that she could never be friends with.

"Oh my God!" Ellie cried out and Michelle looked back at her to see her holding up a pair of edible underwear and Alex laughing hysterically.

"I had to!" she sputtered.

"Ok…" Michelle muttered. That was her cue to check out. She was not about to watch her fathers new wife and her second mother get edible underwear and think about how they would be used. Over her dead body that was for sure.

"Where are you going?" Manny asked and Michelle could tell she was a little buzzed.

"I'm just getting some air," Michelle said as she stood up.

"Well get the number for the bouncer. He loved him some of you," Manny giggled and Michelle just rolled her eyes.

She let the chilly air roll over her and she exhaled and closed her eyes. This was definitely one of the most awkward situations that she had ever been in and she was glad for the escape.

"Hey, don't I know you?"

She cracked open an eye to see the bouncer peering down at her. He did look vaguely familiar…

"Aren't you related to Jack Simpson?"

She cocked her head. "Tony?" she took a guess.

After she had transferred, Tony and Jack had actually became friends after fighting Pierce together and for the past three years she had seen him sporadically but less and less as time went on.

"I thought so!" he smiled as he left his post and came to sit down next to her. "So what are you doing here? Aren't you like fifteen?"

"Sixteen thanks. And it's my dad's girlfriends bachelorette party."

"Well that's just awkward," he said and she nodded.

"Imagine watching someone that's like your mother receiving edible underwear and knowing who'll be on the other end of receiving that gift," she said as she shuddered.

"Oh God you win," he laughed. "So how have you been? I haven't talked to you really since…"

"You fought that guy for me at Fairview," she said nodding her head. "I've been good. I transferred schools and all that."

"Yeah I noticed that Jack didn't have his shadow," he laughed. "He looked so out of it for like a week."

She smiled. It was certainly different to not have Jack be with her at school and she was out of sorts for the first month or so. She kept wanting to go to his locker and talk to him and then she remembered that he didn't have a locker here. Gradually over time it got easier and she grew used to it, plus they saw each other every day after school anyway.

"I should probably go back in there," she said as she started to stand up.

He nodded and offered her a hand to pull her up. "It was good to see you. Hopefully it won't be another three years before I see you again; by that time you'd be beating boys off with a stick and I wouldn't have a chance," he smiled as she went inside.

She hesitated when he said that. What did that mean? He wouldn't have a chance? Did he want a chance? She shook her head as she made her way back to Ellie and everyone else, who were more than partially drunk.

"Uh oh! Did you get his number??" Manny called out.

"Fuck that, did you get any action?" Alex said right after that and they all erupted in giggles again.

* * *

"Booooobies," JT sang out happily with a drink in his hand.

"What the fuck fruity drink are you drinking?" Jay glared at him before taking his cup. "Margarita's??" he stared at the man in disgust.

"What? Manny always has them and I end up finishing them…they're good!"

"Spinner!!" Jay yelled and Spinner's arm shot across him with a freshly opened bottle of Budweiser. "Drink this before you grow a pussy man," Jay shoved the drink in his hand.

"So I know this is bad like you taking me to a strip club and giving me alcohol and all that…" Jack said as Jay sat back down but Jay just clapped his hand on the boys back.

"Jack, if you talk to me right now, I can't focus on the pretty lady putting her ass in my face."

Jack laughed. "You are like…the best pretend older brother ever man!"

Suddenly a fight broke out behind them as the bouncer put a guys hands behind his back in a painful hold.

"No touching," he growled. "You ok?" he nodded to the girl who nodded looking somewhat startled.

"Not to kill the buzz we have…but did that voice sound familiar?" Spinner shouted to Jay.

Jay however, was one step ahead of his friend. That voice he would know anywhere, he lived with it for a while and it sounded exactly the same years later. He had no idea what the hell he was doing in the area though, and if it was him…why hadn't he called or anything?

"Yo Cameron!" Jay shouted out before he could think and the bouncer stopped short.

"You have to be shitting me," he groaned with a smile on his face.

"Uhh…what the fuck? You've been here the entire time and no call? No visit? You broke up with me dude!"

"How much has he had?" Sean turned to JT who just shrugged. His gaze crossed over Jack and he startled at the sight of him but chose not to say anything and instead looked back at his two old friends.

"Why are you guys here?"

"Boo-"

"That's it," Jay got out his chair and tackled JT to the floor. "Say another word or I swear to God I will cut out your God damn vocal cords Yorke. You got that?"

"Awww…that's the Jay Hogart we all know and love," Spinner said from behind him.

"Dude fuck this place. We're drunk, I found Cameron, I punched my friends husband…let's go. We can watch porn and not have to deal with as much shit," Jay said as he got up to leave.

* * *

"Did you get a stripper to follow us back?" JT asked with wide eyes as a knock on the door sounded.

"God I wish…" Jack said wistfully and Spinner hit him.

"You are Emma's little brother, none of that!"

"Hey, I can want too!!"

"No…no you can't," Spinner said shaking his head.

"What?!"

"Alright, who did it?" Jay asked as he walked back into the room with a smile on his face and girl that certainly looked like a stripper on his heels.

All the guys looked at each other and shrugged.

"Whatever, free present!" he shrugged and collapsed on the sofa with a beer.

Two hours later, all the men were drunk and presently drifting off to drunken stupors in various places of the living room. The girl that Jay had let in was also getting tired but her eyes zoned in on what she wanted and she smiled to herself. No, no one had hired her at all. Living around the neighborhood, you just hear things. With a sigh, she slowly and carefully laid down next to Jay who promptly put his arm around her and pulled her closer, obviously thinking it was his fiancé, since he did say her name, and the woman just cuddled up into him, not bothering to correct him.

* * *

"Do you think they're even home yet?" Paige laughed as she almost fell on a stair.

"Fuck, where are my keys?" Ellie yelled as she turned her purse upside down.

Michelle sighed and bent over to help collect her things as Alex pounded on the door.

"What? Jesus!" Jack yelled as he let them in.

"Ok, he can get trashed and I can't?!" was the first thing Michelle said as they all filed inside.

"If you yell…I will make you pay little girl," Paige said as she glared at Michelle who just rolled her eyes.

"Oh you roll your eyes now, ask your father how scary I can be. Fuck, ask Ellie," she laughed.

"El-" Alex turned but didn't see her friend anywhere.

"Mom?" Michelle walked up behind her and saw what Ellie was staring at. JT, Jack, a man with a shaved head and another man with a head full of tangled curls, all sleeping in the living room. Next to her father was a woman in a slutty outfit and Jay was cuddled up next to her.

"Ellie…wait. Think about this; he's piss ass drunk and he probably thinks that's you," Manny tried to reason but Ellie just shook her head as her eyes filled with tears.

"Well this can be solved real quick," Michelle muttered as she turned on the lights and the men started to stir and let out unappreciative noises.

The man with curls opened his eyes first and when they landed on Ellie, he froze.

"Jay…" he said loudly.

Jayson Hogart was still passed out, hard as a rock, curled up with the stripper.

"This is like a bad dream of high school…" the man that previously spoke groaned.

"You wish it was a dream," Manny snarled as she slapped Jay hard over the head.

"What!?" he roared as he sat up and noticed all the women standing around.

"Ellie?" he gave her a questioning glance and then looked down beside him to see the girl from before slowly getting up. "Oh fuck. Babe, this is not what it looks like…"

"Wait!" Alex yelled as she held up a hand. "Ok, where did Cameron come from?" she asked as she put a protective arm around Ellie and then turned her glare on the girl. "And I know I've seen you before-"

"From the party! Michelle's second birthday party!! You were the whore that tried to get with him!" Paige suddenly yelled and all the women turned their fire stares on her.

Jay got up and tried to walk towards Ellie but she waved him off. "Congratulations Jay. Hope you had a great night," she said softly as she walked out and slammed the door behind her.

"Waaait a minute. Are you two dating?" Sean asked as if a light bulb went off above his head.

"Did we say you could talk yet?" Manny spat at him. "And how the hell did you get bruised on your face?" she turned on her husband who just winced and sighed as he fell back on the sofa.

* * *

A/N: i know that i brought back some people in this chapter but i thought it'd be fun to add to the drama and what is degrassi if not drama right?? :) also, i know that this is getting really long and i was just wondering how far y'all think i should go with it? i was thinking probably michelle's high school graduation but it's up to you guys.

oh and i know that it might seem unlikely that ellie would even bring michelle along to her bachelorette party but everyone else kind of decided that she could come since she can't drink and if needed, could drive them home. they also would have felt bad b/c jay let jack go to his party. just wanted to clear that one up in case anyone asked.

and as always review review!! i'm almost 100...come on...please!! i know this story isn't as good as "beautiful disaster" but i felt like i had to tell jay and michelle's story to see where life would take them...


	24. Ramifications

Chapter 24- Ramifications

"Why the hell was he there Alex?"

"Well him and Jay were best friends once Ellie…I mean it's possible they just reconnected somehow…" Alex shrugged.

Ellie shook her head. "No. He shouldn't be there, he can't be there!"

"Ellie, hun, it's just an old boyfriend," Paige spoke up. "Yeah you guys had a bitter breakup and all that…but come on. You are getting married to a man that you love, forget Sean Cameron."

"You just don't get it," she whispered.

"Well inform me then," Paige crossed her arms.

Ellie sighed. "No one knows about it…"

Alex and Paige looked at each other and then simultaneously leaned in closer. "Do tell Eleanor," Alex said in a wicked tone.

"Before…before you and Sean started fucking around and all that…things happened with us. I…I got pregnant," she whispered as Alex's mouth dropped open.

"I'm sorry what?"

Ellie hunched over and sank into their sofa. "I got pregnant," she repeated. "But I got an abortion. Everything with me and Sean after that…it just changed."

"Ellie why?" Manny asked softly, the scars of her teenage years resurfacing.

She shrugged. "I knew I couldn't have a child then. We were in high school…it wouldn't have worked."

"It's just that after…I did that, it got so hard to look at him. I mean it's not like he wanted to have the kid either, he wasn't jumping for joy or anything…but when I told him that I got an abortion…" She sighed. "It was just all down hill. He was angry at himself and then angry at me for not telling him in the first place. But I mean in my head, we had a good thing going…why fuck it up?"

The three girls had no answer to give and so they all sat in awkward silence for a moment.

"Ok Mom, who was that guy….I should leave huh?" Michelle asked as she started to walk and sensed the tension.

Ellie shook her head and wiped her eyes. "No, it's fine hun. Remember that picture that you saw a few years ago and it was of me and an old boyfriend?"

"Vaguely. You snatched it right out of my hands and that was about all you said," Michelle shrugged.

"Well that was him."

"Wait, your ex? Was at our house?"

"Jay used to be best friends with him," Alex jumped in. "He was around for a short time when you were a baby and that was it, he took off and we had no idea where he went."

"So Dad just randomly bumped into him and now he's at our house."

"Something like that, yes."

"Ok. And who was that slut that was sleeping next to Dad?" she crossed her arms.

Paige laughed. "Well…she is a slut!" she protested when Manny knocked her in the ribs. "She met us when you were two and hit on your dad," Paige explained. "I threw her out of the house and that was that. Trust me, never expected to see her again."

"This is so complicated…" Michelle muttered and Alex sighed as she leaned back next to Ellie.

"You have no idea Mitch, no idea."

* * *

"You are in so much trouble," Jack hissed to Jay as he sat with his head down on the kitchen table.

"Don't you have another home that you live at?"

Jack just shrugged. "Mom and Dad keep talking about college. Apparently I'm not living up to my potential," he rolled his eyes.

"Great. Another thing I can be blamed for."

"Hey, maybe she'll come around," Spinner sat down next to Jay and placed a mug of coffee in front of his head.

"Would your wife come around?"

"Manny would kill me. I'd be lying pretty next to Emma," JT remarked as he sat down and Jay finally lifted his head to glare at the man.

"What?! I would be; I think we can all agree how scary Manuella Santos can be."

Spinner just pointed his finger at him in agreement as he drank his coffee.

"Who was that girl though?" JT asked.

"Oh I remember that one. She lived next door when Michelle was little," Spinner answered.

"She kissed me once at Michelle's birthday party," Jay sighed. "Paige saw and it was like a bad nightmare from high school."

"…Those are good dreams bro."

"When she was a big bitch," Jay added.

"Those are bad dreams," Spinner contradicted himself.

"I still think Ellie will come around," Jack spoke up.

"It's not because of Lacey being here that I'm worried Jack."

"Oh the elusive Sean Cameron!" JT sang out and Jay gave him a murderous look.

"The way I heard it, you guys were best friends."

"Yeah…something like that. Look it's complicated Jack."

"Then make me understand it."

"I don't have to," Jay smiled as he stood up.

Jack looked at the other men but they held up their hands in silent agreement with their friend and he rolled his eyes.

"I thought chicks were the ones that kept secrets," he muttered.

* * *

"So how long?"

Jay blew out the smoke in his mouth and turned to face Sean. "Six or seven years."

"Are you fucking with me?! You've been dating my ex for that long and I had no idea?"

"I'm engaged to your ex and you had no idea," Jay corrected.

Sean stood there for a minute or two just staring at Jay who was staring right back smoking his cigarettes that were making a comeback.

"Well what the fuck?" he finally asked.

"What?"

"Dude, you don't date the chicks your best friend dated!"

"You don't fuck your best friends ex girlfriend!" Jay threw back at him.

"Ok that was years ago man."

"Yeah well me and Ellie have been together for years now too. I don't know why you're so fucking pissed off; you broke up with her," he muttered.

"She had an abortion!" Sean yelled and Jay froze.

"She had a what?"

"Yeah, didn't know that one did ya Jay? She got pregnant and decided she didn't want the baby."

"When?"

"Obviously when we were still together moron."

"When Emma was pregnant." Sean nodded.

Jay thought for a second and then nodded his head. "Ok."

"Ok?"

"Yeah, ok. We were what, seventeen? No one should have a kid at that age!"

"You did."

"Really? I did? Thanks, I have trouble remembering who that strange teenager is calling me Dad and using my phone. You're fucking pissed at her for getting an abortion sixteen years ago?? Where the fuck is your life at now Cameron?"

"None of your business," he snapped back.

Jay just smirked. "Careful, that was an awful girly way to answer that. Is that what you've been doing all these years?"

"Fuck you Hogart," Sean hissed as he got up in his face.

Jay made the face as if he was contemplating it like an offer. "Thanks, but I think I'll just fuck Nash," he smirked as he threw his cigarette on the ground and walked away.

* * *

Ellie sighed as she walked up the steps to the house. She couldn't avoid the place all day and as much as she hated to admit it, she wasn't really mad at Jay. She was more upset at seeing Sean and then seeing that girl, whoever she was, lying next to her fiancé all curled up. Michelle had left earlier so she was all by herself, climbing those stairs to the house she didn't particularly feel like going home to.

"I was wondering when you'd come home," Jay said as she came through the door.

She ducked her head and sat down at the table. "I'm not mad at you Jay," she mumbled.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "I never expected to see…him again, you know? I don't want to see him again. And who was that girl that was sleeping with you?" she cocked her head.

"You left because of Cameron?"

She nodded.

"Ok El, I know that you two dated like years ago but I thought that you'd grow out of that whole thing where you don't want to see the other person again. That was high school for Christ's sake!"

"There's…things that you don't know about. When we were together…I got pregnant-"

"And had an abortion, yeah he told me."

"He what?" her face paled.

He shrugged. "He told me. So what?"

"So what?! That wasn't his place to tell you!!"

"You weren't! And why is it such a big deal? It was sixteen years ago Ellie! Why the hell are you still upset about it?"

"Why don't you ask Manny if she's still upset about her abortion?" she hissed at him. "It's not a scar that just fades in time Jayson."

"You weren't ready for a kid, the end. It was years ago," he repeated for what seemed like the tenth time.

"You really don't care?" she cocked an eyebrow.

"No!! What happened in high school, happened in high school. People never remember that shit, unless you drop feathers on a kid or get the queen virgin pregnant. Ellie, I could give two fucks less about that," he said taking her hands. "What happened with you and Sean, happened there. It doesn't affect us and it shouldn't affect you. You weren't ready to have a kid, so what? I wasn't either, but Emma was so damn set on having it that I didn't have a choice," he rolled his eyes.

"Jay-"

"And I know that he hurt you El, I remember that much. But I'm not him ok? I'm not going to do that to you and I'm not going to do that to Michelle. She already lost one mother, she can't lose another."

Ellie stayed quiet for a minute. "You…just called me her mother," she said tentatively.

He shrugged. "Yeah well, Manny has a point. Besides Alex and Paige, you're the only mother figure she's had. Plus you've been living with us for a while, you're marrying me…I can see why she sees that in you."

"You got a lot of insight when you aged didn't you?"

He laughed. "I'm surrounded by woman, what the hell do you think?"

She sighed. "He's not still here is he?" she tensed up.

Jay rolled his eyes. "No. He got in my face saying how I shouldn't be fucking his ex."

"He fu-"

"Yeah I said that too. He thinks that I owe him shit and I shouldn't marry you because you dated him once upon a time and we were best friends once upon a time. The last time I saw him, he helped me put together Michelle's crib and then he split."

"So…"

"So I called him gay and he told me to fuck myself. Unfortunately I prefer you," he grinned at his girlfriend who laughed.

"You called him gay?"

Jay just shrugged. "A lot of things can happen in sixteen years, how the fuck should I know?"

* * *

"Who are you?" Michelle cocked her head.

"A friend of your dads," the guy smiled at her.

She continued to stare at him. "Do you want me to go get him?"

He shook his head. "No, it's alright," he said as he continued to lean against the side of the car.

Something about this guy just didn't seem right but Michelle couldn't put her finger on it; plus he was giving her the creeps.

"I knew your mom," he said suddenly and she jumped.

"Everyone did."

"I dated your mom."

"That's nice," she said off hand to make him shut up.

"You look just like her you know that? Growing up to be a beautiful girl…"

Michelle just looked around and made eye contact with Ellie through a window and all the sudden she came outside.

"Leave my daughter alone," she said fiercely but the man just laughed.

"I don't think it's your kid El."

"As far as I'm concerned she is," she said through her teeth. "Obviously your life is shit now Sean so get out. Get out of here and don't come back. Don't call us, don't look for us."

"Oh did your little hubby tell you about our fight?" he laughed again.

Ellie just rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Are you drunk? Is that what you do with your life now Sean? You're a fucking drunk? You're pathetic," she snapped at him as she pushed Michelle inside the house.

"I can still get your panties in a bunch," he grinned.

Michelle stopped at that went back down to see him.

"Michelle!"

"Don't talk to my mom like that asshole," she said loudly as she punched him in the stomach.

"Jesus!," he wheezed as he doubled over. "What the fuck was that for?!" he roared at her.

Jay, hearing the commotion came to stand at the door and saw his daughter punch his old best friend.

"Michelle," he said sharply. "Inside."

She gave Sean Cameron a dirty look as she lifted her head and walked past her parents and Ellie followed her in. Jay stayed on the porch long enough to watch Sean climb inside his car and speed away and then he firmly shut the front door.


	25. Deja vu

a/n: so i know that i disappeared for a while but i was having major writers block with this story. then it occured to me, i love the adults and i was focusing on them way too much. so from now on i'm going to try and give you some of michelle's world as well. oh and i changed the rick shooting the school thing to him just committing suicide. i know, i know, i shouldn't mess around with things like that but i mention it in this chapter so oh well. and yes, i know that i never mentioned it in the first story. also let me know if you're still interested in this story that way if people are still interested i'll keep going. k??

oh and by the way...i have to go to to watch the episodes b/c i'm sure we're all well aware of how college's don't see the need to give us the channels we so desire, and there was a tab there with rick on it. it said 'don't know rick? catch up on the episodes' and my heart just died. how could people not know rick!?! that was one of the best seasons!!!! rick just like a catalyst for half the season...*sigh*. sorry, just had to vent (and sorry if i offended any new degrassi people), and i need to have a season 4 fix apparently. :)

* * *

Chapter 25- Deja vu

"What the hell did you do to my uncle?"

Michelle jumped a mile as her headphones were ripped out of her ears.

"Excuse you?" she asked rudely before looking up.

"That's right, excuse you," the girl replied back.

With a sigh, she looked up and her eyes grew huge. Standing there in front of her was Holly Cameron, one of the prettiest girls in school…who also was known for holding her own in a fight that she probably started. Michelle sat there staring dumbly at the girl as she crossed her arms and tried to think of who her uncle might be.

"I don't even know who your uncle is," Michelle finally replied.

"Oh I think you do. The way he said it last night, some daughter of his ex girlfriends was being a whore and punched him," she said smugly.

"Oh my God…"

"Ring a bell?"

"Well, to be honest Holly…he kind of deserved it," Michelle said carefully as the girl raised her eyebrow.

"Somehow I doubt that."

"Whatever, it's not fault that your uncle is a skeezeball that hit on me," Michelle shrugged as she stood up.

"Oh I doubt that," Holly replied as she pushed her up against the locker. "What'd you do huh? Kiss him? Offer to fuck him or something? Sean would never do that kind of stuff. Especially with someone like you," she said lowly.

"Ok first off, your uncle is fucking disgusting. Second, he probably do that with me, since he was in love with my mother," Michelle said as she stared back in her face.

"What the fuck do you know?" Holly hit a locker behind her and started to leave.

"That's it?"

"What?" she replied not turning around.

"I say he's disgusting and you're ok with that? What's wrong Holly, push a button?"

"Why don't you go home and screw your cousin; I heard it's a favorite family past time of yours," she smirked as she stalked down the hallway.

Her jaw set as her best friend came up behind her. "No offense, but Jack is kind of hot… Kidding!" she yelped as Michelle whipped around.

*~*~*

"Yo Simpson! Saw your cousin the other night."

"Where the hell did you see her?" Jack remarked as he continued to walk down the hallway.

"Work."

Jack stopped dead in the hallway. "What the hell was Michelle doing at a strip club?"

"Apparently with her father's girlfriend… I don't know. It was kind of weird. But the point of this is…she's kind of hot bro."

Jack cut his eyes at his friend. "You like my cousin? My cousin that's like my little sister?"

"Uhhh…maybe?" Tony shrugged.

"Dude she's sixteen!"

"She's hot!!"

"She's sixteen!!"

"Last time I checked, wasn't Lacey Jackson sixteen?" Tony smirked as he brought up the last girl that Jack had hooked up with.

"Ok that…was different."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I was so fucking drunk I thought she was eighteen."

"Weeeak."

Jack sighed. "Seriously?"

His friend just shrugged. "She's gorgeous if you want the truth."

"Yeah I know," he said to his shoes.

*~*~*

"So you know how I told you about Mom's bachelorette party?"

Her friend just nodded. "Yeah how you came home and your dad was with some slut or whatever."

"Right. Well Holly's uncle was there too."

"Really? I haven't met him yet?"

Katie McCrain and Michelle had been friends since Michelle had transferred into Degrassi. The first time she went over to Michelle's Alex and Paige were there and Katie thought that when said 'Dad' that she meant Alex, which Paige found hysterical. She soon met everyone in Michelle's little family and was currently intrigued in the fact that there was a male in the mix that she didn't know about.

"Well apparently he and Dad used to be like BFF's when they went here. He took off after I was born and no one's heard from him since," she shrugged. "But what's even more like..weird, is the fact that he was in love with my mom at one point too."

"Dude your family is so weird," Katie sighed. "I wish my family was exciting."

Michelle snorted. "At least your family is stable," she muttered.

"Oh hi Michelle," Holly said snidely from behind the pair.

Michelle sighed and turned around as Holly stuck her hand out with a flyer attached to it.

"What is this?"

She shrugged with a smile, although it looked more like an evil smirk to Michelle. "Just something I thought you'd be interested in. Apparently being a douchebag runs in your family."

"What?"

In her hands was an article from about sixteen years ago that involved a suicide.

"How is this relevant?" she kinked an eyebrow.

"Isn't that your dad's name?" Katie pointed and Michelle took a deep breath.

Sure enough there was her fathers name, in print, about how the student, Rick Murray, took his own life and a large part of that was due to her father and two friends.

"So what, he just kept journals like a girl or something? I don't get it!" Michelle's voice started to rise slightly.

"Michelle? Is there a problem?" the principal asked as he walked by.

"You know my dad, what is this?" she thrust the article under Toby's nose and he sighed.

"We should talk about this in my office."

"I just want to know if it's true," she said.

He nodded. "Yes."

"Great," she snapped as she started to walk away.

"Michelle!!"

"Sorry Mr. Issacs, got class!" she waved over her shoulder.

Who the hell, besides that demon Holly Cameron, would think to look her father up and then print out his wrongdoings? And…apparently past them all over everyone's computer screens. Fantastic.

"Holly!" she said as the girl looked up.

"Yes?"

"What the fuck? What is your deal?" she asked as she pushed her.

"Excuse me? My deal? I'm not the one with a violent father. And by the way, you can get help for that you know," she said as she dropped her voice down to stage whisper and started to laugh.

"Too bad you can't get help," Michelle replied with a shrug.

"For what?" Holly cocked her head.

"For this," she replied calmly as she kneed her stomach and then pushed her head against a table.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!?" Ryan King yelled as he saw his friend fall to the ground. "It was a fucking joke Michelle!"

"A joke? No. The only joke around here is her," she said as she walked away.

There was no doubt about the fact that Toby would send her home, probably with an suspension if not an expulsion (because that would really make her fathers day), but it was worth it. She wasn't that thirteen-year-old girl that would run away from her problems anymore; she was here for a fight.

"That was friggen scary. But…kind of hot," a boy to her left said as she walked by and he winked at her.

"Because that was my aim," she muttered underneath her breath.

*~*~*

"Michelle, you know what you did," Toby said in a tired voice as she came into his office.

"Oh I'm aware," she said as she plopped down in a chair.

"Am I correct in assuming it was about your father?"

She shrugged. "Maybe."

"Look, I've known Jay for a while, be it not well, but I know that he wouldn't want you to do this. Not for him, not for anyone. Do you want to know the story?"

"Maybe I did this for myself Toby," she replied, dropping the formal name in private. "And trust me, I'm going to hear about the story, just from my dad."

He sighed. "So then I guess we've come to the punishment then."

"Suspension or expulsion?" she asked as she crossed her arms.

He looked at her. "Expel? I'm not going to expel you for fighting in school Michelle; if you only knew what has happened here over the years a fight is pretty small potatoes."

"Then…"

"Suspended. Three days."

"You're not going to want like an essay when I come back are you?" she winced as he looked thoughtful.

"Well originally no, but now that you mention it…"

"Can we forget that I did?" she asked hopefully.

"Since it's your first offense and you still have to go home and deal with Jay about this, I'll forget about it. Just this time though," he smiled at the girl that looked like his old friend.

"Thanks Toby. Won't happen again," she said as she got up.

"Please?" he asked and she laughed.

*~*~*

"How long do you think I could get away with not telling them?"

Jack just looked at her. "They either send home a letter or just call them. Soooo not long."

"Great," she sighed.

"Well why'd you do it then?" he asked as he took a bite of his burger.

She took the article out of her pocket and showed it to him.

"So? Jay was a bully, big deal. We all knew that Mitch."

"Yeah. Well then this bitch Holly Cameron, whose uncle is the guy that I punched yesterday by the way, started saying things like how violence runs in the family and I was whore and all that. We both remember what happened the last time someone said shit about my family."

"Hence why I get all lonely during the day now," Jack pouted and she rolled her eyes.

"Well it wasn't going to happen again. I needed to stand up for my family and not just run away. And my dad helped someone commit suicide Jack! That's just…so…"

"How can you help someone commit suicide? I mean outside of hospitals and all that. I'm pretty sure he just bullied this Rick kid and Rick couldn't take it anymore. What's the big deal?"

"What's the big deal? I'm his daughter, I'm half of him! I don't want to be like that!!" Michelle exclaimed, eyes huge.

"Then don't be. Oh and by the way, your dad's here," he said as he ate some more of his lunch.

"Hi…Dad," Michelle smiled weakly at the man that stood in front of their table with his arms crossed.

"So Toby called me."

"Told you," Jack said with his mouthful and she shot him an evil glare.

"Dad, I'm not sorry."

"What were you thinking!?!" he exploded. "You don't get into fights at school Michelle!! You go there, you learn, you leave; what is so hard about that?!"

"Well Sean's niece showed me this. Care to explain?" she asked as she shoved the article at him.

He sighed and looked at her with sad eyes. "You fought someone because of this?"

"Well she also said that you were a violent dad and douchebag must run in the family. Oh and she called me a whore. But Dad, I'm not running away this time! I'm not just going to stand there and take it. I know about your past and apparently everyone else does too. I don't need to have it thrown in my face every damn day though!! And you owe me an explanation!"

He shrugged. "Yeah I bullied him, so did Spinner and Alex. Apparently when the cops found him he wrote a letter on his computer screen saying we were the reasons why he couldn't take it anymore."

"How are you so just…non-chalant about all this?" she cried. "You made a kids life so bad that he didn't want to live anymore. Don't you feel bad at all?"

His eyes hardened. "What do you want me to say Michelle? That I never felt like shit? That I don't feel bad to this day? That I'm happy how everything turned out? I felt like shit for months after that happened!! We never meant for the kid to kill himself!! It was just teasing him, nothing fucking serious and he took it way out of proportion. Would I change it? Of course I would! But this was seventeen years ago Michelle!"

"And I'm sixteen now Dad! I don't want to be like you!!" she yelled and he stopped and stared at her, tears streaming down her face.

Instantly she regretted her words as she saw the pain on her fathers face. "You're not me Michelle. You're not your mother either. You're you. And I'll be damned if we all raised you the way we did so you could turn out to be another version of me. Next time you decide to punch someone at school, think of what you just said," he said quietly as he stood up and walked out of the diner.

"Woah, Mitch-"

"Can't you just let me cry for once?" she interrupted him as she put her head on the table.


End file.
